why we need more steady people

I would like to know on our subject on sat. meeting, we discussed why ppl leavevan what losses there interest. I would like to know why our fearless leaders Dennis and Saunna who got me started in coming on sat. don't come or even 'lead' or help us anymore? Almost half the ppl i met are not even there anymore. Some that are still there help but I don't get the help sometimes that I need. I am not outspoken so I don't do very well with people.Hope to get an answer from the two people Imentioned.

I am not one of the two people mentioned so I cannot speak for them. I am not a barix support member due to the distance but I do attend other groups. One thing I do know is as being a Patient who is also a Supporter in my field of psychotherapy, on the boards and in person at my local group, is that we need a break sometimes.  Some people go through this journey and dont need as much support, they get what they need and then move on. Some fall off the wagon so to speak and dissapear from shame or guilt, Some decide that they want to just be a person and not a post op for the rest of their lives. People have many different reasons for attending or not. The only thing we can really control is what OUR journey is and what WE do to make it work for us. It is a lot of pressure sometimes to always be the one in the role of leader and supporter. Sometimes we have to take a step back to protect our own sanity and our own journey. I would encourage you to speak up in group, ask for the support you need, widen the scope of people you seek it from. I would also encourage you to send these two a private message as well so that they could respond to you freely,

Thank you for you information. I appriciate it and gives me something to think about.

  Well I am sure he will answer for himself but Dennis does lead the Wednesday night post Op meetings every month ( he has rarely missed this meeting in the last 3 years and takes that day off from work every month to be there since he works in NYC plus until last January he traveled to every meeting then  2 plus hours home at night) and he missed his first ever Saturday meeting this month to be at his daughters wedding and while he loves the WLS community I think his only  daughter's wedding what we hope is a once in lifetime event over rides any love for the support group meeting he may have.

  He is always available to anyone that needs him in the WLS community via email, pm here at OH or a phone call 24/7 to anyone that needs him and trust me this is in no way a complaint he has taken calls to help people at all hours of the night.

There has been Saturday where he opted to need support rather then lead.....You can not fault him for that he is still there in the building but even leaders need support.

To play devil's advocate speaking out can be hard but if we don't know what your needs are how can we help you get what it is you need in the way of support? An option may be talk to one of the leaders before the meeting starts that way we can address your concern for you in the group we never have to say it is you that asked..Email or PM us prior to a meeting with your needs. When we post the meeting times we always say feel free to contact us with any topics. 

 

Hope this helps .....

Beth, sorry that you took my questions to heart, I didn't mean anything to harm anyone. I think its very important for Dennis to stay in touch and go to his daughters wedding hope he had fun and will see him at another meeting. I don't mean to take that anyone harm didn't mean to make you angry for my questioing. I don't get to use the computer that often so you need to know I don't get the news often. I'm not saying that I should know everyones business.and for the coment about my getting help no one even offered me numbers but then again I am not very open so I guess it's all on me.I am 3 years out and I had to find out everything myself. I guess I did something good because I'm happy with what I've done and it's not been easy. Not blaming anyone but myself.

Kathy, I promise you I am not mad  or angry and sorry if my reply came off that way ..that can be the trouble with words on a screen at times. I was just explaining  where Dennis was and he did not make a huge announcement on where he was that is just his way. It was his way of not being sure of my reaction since I was not attending the wedding. I said lets just be honest I don't care so no worries ;) 

  This topic of long term people (veterans) not still being around was a hot topic at the leaders meetings we are trying to always improve the meetings.

You should be VERY VERY proud of your accomplishments and where else are going to find people that getit then right at Barix and right here online ( I understand that you are not online all th time but anyrtime you can we are here). 


I understand about things not being easy either at 2 years out I fiound struggles and being a support group leader and part of a very super supportive group outside of Barix I could not open up till it all came out the last first Saturday meeting.

You can always cal Dennis or me our home number is 215-331-5472 and in person I will give you are cell numbers.


If you need some support on a smaller scale let me know I will be glad to arrange something for you.

Well I will take some liberty to answer for Shauna - she is battling some personal issues right now and has had to turn her support inward. Believe me - she would much rather be at all the  meetings!

I know myself for one have yet to be to a Barix meeting but have found ways to get my support and to support others in many ways. Unfortunately I think that a lot of times early out we are very focused on helping ourselves, doing the support and following the program to a "T" and the further out we get some people don't think that they need meetings anymore. This is about the furthest thing from the truth. The further out we get the more "normal" things get and the more routine old habits start to creep back in. Of course there are always going to be things that interfere with getting to meetings on a regular basis as well.

PLease know that we are here 24/7 for support no matter what.

Well Hi Kathy,
And welcome to the internet and it's power. For the 3 years I've known you and your husband Jim you've been a dedicated couple and that hasn't changed and neither has my commitment to you and to others. It's been explained why I wasn't there for the first Saturday in May. It's been explained why we've been without Shauna. Shauna and I have been around for a while but we are not the only leaders there are. We have a wonderful group of leaders and the First Saturday meetings have been the prime vehicle that makes this possible. I know how often I've been around and so does Everyone else. I have been steady and consistent because I need to for me. If anyone else benefits from that,  well I'm pleased by that, but I don't expect 100% attendance from patients. I just try to be there when you are. I'm sorry if I wasn't there when you felt the need, but don't forget there are many dedicated people who are there. Use them. They want to be used, just like me. You have my contact info. You've used it in the recent past and I hope you continue to. I think in part the power of sitting at the computer and typing out your feelings to a community might have given you a voice you've haven't had before, and that's alright. I know this kind of support is new to you and Jim, but now that you've found it continue to use it. This forum offers daily support for us all and just maybe it's something you've needed in your journey. Now you have it. I thank you for your concern and questions and I thank Nicole, My Beth and Liz for their replies. Your post and the comments that follow are for you to help you but they are there for all to read and use and gain knowledge from. That's how support works. So even when we're not physically there our support is. 
Take care and look forward to seeing you here and at Barix.

Dennis

PS - Don't be surprised if I miss another meeting or two this year for personal reasons. We all have jobs and lives and are more active than we were before. And that is good. This June will mark my 3rd year of leading the post-op group at Barix in Langhorne. I started this in 2007 as an interim leader taking over for the tandem of Shauna Dhoble and Dave Allen. Two leaders and friends who's personal and professional commitments were changing at that time. Dave moved to Florida but tries to maintain some contact. Shauna was able to participate in First Saturdays our first year but that has changed for now and I'm hoping that it's a temporary change.

I don't plan to stop leading but I do want share that role with the many capable people we have who have that desire. We are all fortunate to have them and so is Barix. I don't ask for much but I will ask all of you to continue to show your appreciation to all our leaders. They are volunteers who spend many hours to provide you with the best support that can be found. Just ask anyone.       

Yep....there are your answers.

I don't get to make it to Barix all that often due to my work schedule.  I work 7p-7a and for the past 1 1/2 years have basically been working two jobs...up until the past few months (march) one of whi*****luded commuting to jersey.

However, for the first year + after my surgery (10/07 - 10/08) I was VERY present at the Wednesday night meetings.  Unfortunately, with moving further from Barix and having less control over my work schedules....it's rare I get there.

I know you said you are not on the computer much...but that's where I get support.  ESPECIALLY now that I'm not at Barix physically as much.

You will see MANY of our "regulars" here on the boards always ready with support, an answer to a question, etc.

Good to ask - even better to get answers! 

And I *believe* I was in your group...I just kind of assumed that people who were a few years out AND had been going to Barix would be used to asking for things they need.  By all means...next time you see me, feel free to ask if you want phone numbers etc :)  I'm not ALWAYS available during "daylight" hours lol but my email address is [email protected]  Feel free to email me anytime

Hi Kathy,

We've been in communication via email since early April, discussing my medical condition and talking about why I can't be at the meetings.  I'm confused because I thought you understood my medical situation.  If you email me I'll be happy to send you more information.  If I could be at the meetings, I would move mountains to be there, but my mountains are too painful at this point to be moved.  One day soon I hope to be back, sooner than later.  My passion for this community has never waned and never will despite my absence from Barix meetings.  If this kind of pain can't break my passion, nothing can.

The remainder of this email is for all attendees of Support, and we all need to take the role of attendee regularly.  Until I got knocked down by a flare in my Fibromyalgia last December, at least once a month, at least one Leader would ask me (as the coordinator of the 1st Saturday meetings at Barix) if they could please take the day "off" as "Leader" and attend as an "Attendee".  NEVER would my answer be "no".  A Leader in need is an Attendee indeed!  One thing that must be remembered about Leadership as Dennis said; Leaders have lives outside of Leading, and those lives must continue to be lived.  If we don't continue to live our lives outside of our "Leadership" roles, we lose our well-rounded personalities and then we lose what we have to offer to all of you.  As parents, spouses, significant others, employees, children, teachers, artists, clinicians, runners, cops, etc, we must continue to live our lives outside of the WLS community, as well as within it, in order to be complete human beings.  We must also have the ability to attend meetings with a predictable regularily for our Attendees, but must have the ability to not attend a meeting if we so choose as well.  If not, we feel trapped and are unable to live our own lives as we choose to live them, in the adult roles we should be leading.  We must have personal accountabilities first, then social.
Please allow the Leadership within the community to grow and flourish as it needs to, and it will continue to serve all as it always has; strongly and predictably.  Without this ability, there will be Leaders who will find the need to leave their Leadership role far too frequently, as many have in the past.  The role of "Leader" can become a very heavy emotional task at times.  It is almost always VERY rewarding, but it can also become a very difficult and intense postion to undertake.  When you are a Leader, you are always a Leader.  Leaders support those in need in virtually every condition, place, time and for all needs, and we are volunteers who never ask for anything in return.  Many times it is critism for our work that is received that must be our drive to improve, not a thank you.  We are never paid, despite taking off time from work or losing sleep, though it is not money we are looking for; it is truly the emotional paycheck and personal accountability we are after :-). This is sometimes very difficult, but we want  to provide a service to our community that is unrivaled anywhere else, just like the PA Board here on OH.  There is no other Board like the PA Board; friendly, non-judgemental and always available to support, no matter what.  The Barix Leadership and the PA OH Board obviously have many things in common :-), most I haven't even listed.

Be sure to ask your Leadership for what you need.  Be clear with ideas you'd like to have covered in meetings and areas you'd like to have discussed.  But allow the your Leaders to be Attendees sometimes as well and to be absent as well.  PTO from work is there for a reason. 
We've all had surgery, we all suffer through the tough days, come out the other side and call it a process of "successing".  Hopefully we all celebrate it TOGETHER and learn from it.  And in the process, we all need to realize that none of us is MORE than the other.  We're all patients, and we are in it together, THANK GOD (or whover you look to)!!  Lean on me and I'll lean back, and if you listen to me on that simple process, neither of us will fall (or fail).

Love to you all, and I miss every one of you,

Shauna