OT Need Feedback LONG
Haha - yeah, they do tend to want credit - but they deserve it, too! So there's no harm in acknowledging it (Yep - the lawn looks GREAT, honey!) and doing the same thing in return ( How does the family room look? ).
I guess #5, which I'm still working on, is learning to better communicate what I need. For example, "Mother's Day is coming up - it would be nice for you to plan and cook a nice dinner for us at home that day. I'm planning on sleeping in, going to the gym, and getting my nails done to relax." As opposed to expecting him to come up with that plan all on his own (which won't happen) and me getting frustrated/angry at him for not coming up with the plan and translating that into "he doesn't really care about me."
The adjunct to #5 is "Wow - I worked really hard today getting the kitchen cleaned and organized. Can I show you where I put everything?" (which should lead to to "wow - you did a nice job, thank you"). As opposed to me grumping that he didn't notice.
Based on whatching the two of you, I'd say you're doing just GREAT, btw!
Karen
I guess #5, which I'm still working on, is learning to better communicate what I need. For example, "Mother's Day is coming up - it would be nice for you to plan and cook a nice dinner for us at home that day. I'm planning on sleeping in, going to the gym, and getting my nails done to relax." As opposed to expecting him to come up with that plan all on his own (which won't happen) and me getting frustrated/angry at him for not coming up with the plan and translating that into "he doesn't really care about me."
The adjunct to #5 is "Wow - I worked really hard today getting the kitchen cleaned and organized. Can I show you where I put everything?" (which should lead to to "wow - you did a nice job, thank you"). As opposed to me grumping that he didn't notice.
Based on whatching the two of you, I'd say you're doing just GREAT, btw!
Karen
Thanks - we put on a good show! lol
Lets just say that working opposite shifts can make a relationship better - really makes us both appreciate our time together more. Our arguments are usually about stupid things - which I suppose is good.
I too handle all the financial things (and it ticks me off to no end when he questions if I paid something or took care of something) - haven't missed a bill yet!
Lets just say that working opposite shifts can make a relationship better - really makes us both appreciate our time together more. Our arguments are usually about stupid things - which I suppose is good.
I too handle all the financial things (and it ticks me off to no end when he questions if I paid something or took care of something) - haven't missed a bill yet!
In my experience, it has something to do with the male gender. It is something they do not feel compelled to do. (make decisions) I am lucky in the fact, that my husband would eat anything,except pork. I decide,shop,cook, and he cleans up afterwards. He will also not say, this is my favorite, and I would rather not have that. Same goes for going out, I have to decide where we are going, or what are you in the mood for? Sometimes it does get old, but I guess you have to keep on stepping.
"Journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step."
Ahh the What to have for dinner debate.......Since we have been together I generally do the cooking of dinners. I will ask Den if he wants anything special and we will food shop together at times. Depending on schedules I will go sometimes on my own but we also try to keep a running list on the fridge if we discover we need something.
I tend to just do the cooking because Den's day is so long with his commute to New York everyday . It is just easier for me to have dinner started and ready when He gets home. Yet to the flip side Den will do all the laundry so this a major fair trade off to me. He will also do the dishes and clean up after I cook.
Now on the weekends he will make breakfast and an occasion dinner for us. Nights I am not home for whatever the reason he fends for himself. Yet the going on also at times is whatever you want and one night I finally just said why do I have to pick all the time. Now we both bounce ideas off each other.
Plus with me doing the pouch test this week he got his own dinner Monday and Tuesday since he knew I was doing liquids. It is just finding the balance that works for you.
Hang in there Nicole you will find the balance.
I tend to just do the cooking because Den's day is so long with his commute to New York everyday . It is just easier for me to have dinner started and ready when He gets home. Yet to the flip side Den will do all the laundry so this a major fair trade off to me. He will also do the dishes and clean up after I cook.
Now on the weekends he will make breakfast and an occasion dinner for us. Nights I am not home for whatever the reason he fends for himself. Yet the going on also at times is whatever you want and one night I finally just said why do I have to pick all the time. Now we both bounce ideas off each other.
Plus with me doing the pouch test this week he got his own dinner Monday and Tuesday since he knew I was doing liquids. It is just finding the balance that works for you.
Hang in there Nicole you will find the balance.
Definately not silly! I can't tell you how many times we've had similar issues. The big difference with us is Brian will not cook. End of story. But I constantly ask "What do you want this week" or what have you....and he says (which is totally bizarre to me) "I don't know what I will want. I don't think about food in advance and can't decide what I want if I'm not hungry" This is totally opposite of me....and even how I was raised. Heck, we were planning Wed night's dinner on Tuesday morning at my house with my parents, lol.
And I had to laugh...I think it was at Kathy's response...the whole take out thing or restaurant thing. There have been LOTS of times that we go out and Brian will look at the menu and say "What do I want? What should I get?" For goodness sake boy...you are a MAN...I'm NOT telling you what to order. Although I have realized that when we go out to dinner with his parents his MOTHER immediately says to him "Oh look, they have x y and z, you will like that you should get that" so I guess I know where THAT behavior comes from, lol
Basically I have sucked it up and do it all. Granted, like LIz, I like to cook and generally don't mind. What I HAVE stopped doing, however, is killing myself in the middle of long stretches at work. I used to try to work 3-6 12 hour shifts and come home in the middle of it and make something for dinner for him that night...which ended with me not getting to bed till after 10am and not getting enough sleep. I do TRY to pre plan dinners before hand to have left overs on hand for those nights...but that doesn't always work. I let him know in advance "I'm working sat sun and mon so I will NOT be cooking" I do try to make sure there are heat and eat stuff in the house for him, or sandwhich makings or whatever...and if he doesn't like that stuff he can figure something else out on his own
And I had to laugh...I think it was at Kathy's response...the whole take out thing or restaurant thing. There have been LOTS of times that we go out and Brian will look at the menu and say "What do I want? What should I get?" For goodness sake boy...you are a MAN...I'm NOT telling you what to order. Although I have realized that when we go out to dinner with his parents his MOTHER immediately says to him "Oh look, they have x y and z, you will like that you should get that" so I guess I know where THAT behavior comes from, lol
Basically I have sucked it up and do it all. Granted, like LIz, I like to cook and generally don't mind. What I HAVE stopped doing, however, is killing myself in the middle of long stretches at work. I used to try to work 3-6 12 hour shifts and come home in the middle of it and make something for dinner for him that night...which ended with me not getting to bed till after 10am and not getting enough sleep. I do TRY to pre plan dinners before hand to have left overs on hand for those nights...but that doesn't always work. I let him know in advance "I'm working sat sun and mon so I will NOT be cooking" I do try to make sure there are heat and eat stuff in the house for him, or sandwhich makings or whatever...and if he doesn't like that stuff he can figure something else out on his own
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
Most Active
Recent Topics
