OT-Babies
Pam - it's the risk factors that are scary part and the AMA label is somewhat horrifying......sheesh, I don't FEEL 40, but I guess I really am and by the time I would probably get pregnant and have a baby, I would be around 42.
If we decide to pursue, I would definitely get my doc in beforehand.
Lisa
If we decide to pursue, I would definitely get my doc in beforehand.
Lisa
Lisa, I don't want to be the "debbie downer" on your conversation but what Pam mentioned is what happened to me. First off, any woman attempting after 37yo should see a Reproductive Endocrinologist immediately (the high risk OBGYN is putting the cart before the horse). BOTH of you need to see if you CAN before you DO. You need to find out your Ovarian Reserve (how many eggs you've got left and how healthy they are-they start deteriorating about 34yo), whether or not your tubes are open and you need to find out his sperm count, its morphology and motility (how many and how strong they are-will they make it to the egg or not?). Biologically you'll have like a 2 in 10 chance at your age without doing IUI so you should go straight to that which will make your chances about 6 in 10 within 3 trys. Insurance generally covers IUI but IVF can run up to $12k and is not usually covered. Consider that it can take a year to conceive so practice now with OPKs. You should track your ovulation so you know how reliable your cycle is. (OPKs-ovulation predictor kits can be found on the internet). Do this stuff for 3 months to gather data (usually while you are waiting to get in to see the RE (they'll want 3 months of data or they'll ask you to start and come back with it). My WLS surgeon cleared me for trying early because time was of the essence for getting pregnant and I'd almost reached his goal 8 mos out from surgery. I was 42 at my RE appt. (Had tried at 37 and was told to get WLS.)
Make sure none of the meds either of you are on (like Effexor, BP meds or testosterone gel) will effect sperm count or fertility. A good RE will question and test you for these things. There are several good REs in the area, PM me if you want recommendations. Not to take the romance out of it but if it doesn't happen naturally for you after the few months of trying without using BC, this is what you have to look forward to and it is not "fun", it is very stressful. Some months hubby just isn't "up" for it, sometimes a vacation and timing makes it impossible. You might get mad at each other for not being into it any given month; it's hard to be month after month. I blew a few good months (the eggs were in place, timing was great for insemnation; remember you are factoring in office times and some docs don't do inseminations on the weekend/holidays so if you don't synch up with him too you are SOL-everybody's in on it). Once, my boss had a presentation going out and he overworked me; I was standing too long with a belly fully of golf balls ready to explode and under too much stress. Another time I found my Mom unconscious with a low blood sugar...the stress of both popped my eggs two early for IUI to be viable those months which was a loss in ultrasounds and drugs and emotions; timing is crucial and has to be given priority in your life. The Clomid they put you on can make you into a total biotch; the older you are, the more clomid. Believe me when I say that when we should have been trying to have sex I was the nastiest thing to get near...like a bad Mutual of Omaha episode.
I did put a time limit on trying. Age 45. By then my IUI and IVF chances were 1 in 10. At 43 I was told to use an egg donor (my quality was reduced but with testosterone injections 3X a week, the hubby was still ok in quality and motility-yes, he had to do drugs too). I will say though that after the 8th IUI (about 44.5) I stopped and I did truly grieve for the loss for almost a year. Still brings tears to my eyes when people ask why didn't we ever have kids; like we never tried?? I, like you, always wanted 6. I came from 6 and had a fabulously fun upbringing. There is adoption. There is fostering. There is another program whereby you take in kids when a family is in temporary crisis for just a few weeks. Check out SWAN in PA. I know of Christian hosting programs for international adoption where you take in kids for 5 weeks in the summer or at Christmas and it can lead to adoption. You might want to test the waters to see how much kids interfere in your adult life. There are egg donors and sperm donors, gestational carriers and Embryo adoptions from leftover fertility treatments. Do you want to parent or do you want your DNA? There's a difference. Do you need to experience pregnancy and are you healthy enough at your age to get through without pre-eclampsia, GD or other AMA complications? Lots and lots of options. Put your waders on, it gets deep. I know how it feels when you finally kiss your Prince after all those years but there IS a biological limit AND a monetary one. The insurance companies often have an age limit on coverage and will not pay for the drugs, HSGs or Ultrasounds or IUI or IVF past a certain age so if you don't have the cash to proceed from there, game over. As you can read, I did my time. If you have any questions, ask me, I'd be happy to help in any way. And of course, there's just being content with your Prince
I am there now. Adoption may be in the future; we have til 60 to figure that out.
Make sure none of the meds either of you are on (like Effexor, BP meds or testosterone gel) will effect sperm count or fertility. A good RE will question and test you for these things. There are several good REs in the area, PM me if you want recommendations. Not to take the romance out of it but if it doesn't happen naturally for you after the few months of trying without using BC, this is what you have to look forward to and it is not "fun", it is very stressful. Some months hubby just isn't "up" for it, sometimes a vacation and timing makes it impossible. You might get mad at each other for not being into it any given month; it's hard to be month after month. I blew a few good months (the eggs were in place, timing was great for insemnation; remember you are factoring in office times and some docs don't do inseminations on the weekend/holidays so if you don't synch up with him too you are SOL-everybody's in on it). Once, my boss had a presentation going out and he overworked me; I was standing too long with a belly fully of golf balls ready to explode and under too much stress. Another time I found my Mom unconscious with a low blood sugar...the stress of both popped my eggs two early for IUI to be viable those months which was a loss in ultrasounds and drugs and emotions; timing is crucial and has to be given priority in your life. The Clomid they put you on can make you into a total biotch; the older you are, the more clomid. Believe me when I say that when we should have been trying to have sex I was the nastiest thing to get near...like a bad Mutual of Omaha episode.
I did put a time limit on trying. Age 45. By then my IUI and IVF chances were 1 in 10. At 43 I was told to use an egg donor (my quality was reduced but with testosterone injections 3X a week, the hubby was still ok in quality and motility-yes, he had to do drugs too). I will say though that after the 8th IUI (about 44.5) I stopped and I did truly grieve for the loss for almost a year. Still brings tears to my eyes when people ask why didn't we ever have kids; like we never tried?? I, like you, always wanted 6. I came from 6 and had a fabulously fun upbringing. There is adoption. There is fostering. There is another program whereby you take in kids when a family is in temporary crisis for just a few weeks. Check out SWAN in PA. I know of Christian hosting programs for international adoption where you take in kids for 5 weeks in the summer or at Christmas and it can lead to adoption. You might want to test the waters to see how much kids interfere in your adult life. There are egg donors and sperm donors, gestational carriers and Embryo adoptions from leftover fertility treatments. Do you want to parent or do you want your DNA? There's a difference. Do you need to experience pregnancy and are you healthy enough at your age to get through without pre-eclampsia, GD or other AMA complications? Lots and lots of options. Put your waders on, it gets deep. I know how it feels when you finally kiss your Prince after all those years but there IS a biological limit AND a monetary one. The insurance companies often have an age limit on coverage and will not pay for the drugs, HSGs or Ultrasounds or IUI or IVF past a certain age so if you don't have the cash to proceed from there, game over. As you can read, I did my time. If you have any questions, ask me, I'd be happy to help in any way. And of course, there's just being content with your Prince
I am there now. Adoption may be in the future; we have til 60 to figure that out. Jackie J. 
1 choice @ a time > 1 day @ a time. Slow to Succeed is still Success ;-)
Hi Lisa. It is possible, but you definitely need to decide soon and start trying. I just had my first baby this past October at 41 yrs old! I conceived naturally (though it was not planned!). I had a high risk doctor following my case, and he had a special interest in gastric bypass patients, so that helped even more. I had every test done along the way that was possible to determine whether there were genetic issues (all covered by insurance due to the label "AMA"). Each test went well, but it was a rollercoaster for 19 weeks. My son is beyond healthy and has changed my life for the better in ways I never imagined! I never had the proverbial biological clock ticking. Due to having had RNY, I required some additional monitoring. I had a very hard time gaining weight, despite eating all the time to try my best to gain weight. So, it wasn't easy per se, but it certainly wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. Perhaps I was lucky. You could be too, but you'll never know unless you try. Now for the relationship situation.....just be honest with Brad about your feelings, but soon. Time is of the essence here! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.
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