OT-Babies
Heck no! You aren't too old. You are probably healthier now then you were at 30. I say if you are both on board go for it. Good thinking on waiting until a year out since it is fairly close now anyway.
I always imagined myself with kids, hubby wanted them too. I had my surgery in Jan 2007 and was told to wait the usual 12-24 months depedning on when Dr Brader and my OB were ok with us trying. I got the go ahead in Jan 2008 and we got right to work lol. Granted I'll be 30 in June but I always dreamed I'd be married by 25 (we got married in April, I turned 25 in June) and now the baby is due in May and I'll be 30 in June.
Good luck and if you have any questions let me know
Liz
I always imagined myself with kids, hubby wanted them too. I had my surgery in Jan 2007 and was told to wait the usual 12-24 months depedning on when Dr Brader and my OB were ok with us trying. I got the go ahead in Jan 2008 and we got right to work lol. Granted I'll be 30 in June but I always dreamed I'd be married by 25 (we got married in April, I turned 25 in June) and now the baby is due in May and I'll be 30 in June.
Good luck and if you have any questions let me know
Liz
Liz - I so wish that I had met Brad when I was in my 30's. But unfortunately, it didn't happen that way.
I concur that I am healthier now than I was when I was 30, which can only help.
This whole thing may be just hormones talking - you know, the hormones that swing you into the next phase of pre-menopause....ughhh.....
Lisa
I concur that I am healthier now than I was when I was 30, which can only help.
This whole thing may be just hormones talking - you know, the hormones that swing you into the next phase of pre-menopause....ughhh.....
Lisa
Lisa,
First - It was so good to get to meet you in person on Saturday!
And of course, you're not too "old" for the baby thing. It probably is some sort of biological message running through your body, as Karen (I think) said. FYI, back in the 50's my mom had me at age 37 - obviously the "afterthought" child.
But I would definitely put the cards on the table relationship wise. I have long held/experienced/believed that NOTHING changes your life like a child. A child changes a lot more than your freedom. Your very self changes...and in a lot of ways, those changes are for the better, but it takes a while to get there. A child stresses the parents' relationship in many ways - early out, by just checking on how you are with sleep deprivation and physical exhaustion, and later on dealing with the "big" issues of adolescence. It's a long journey, and every day is work. The nature of it changes, but there is always work to it....and that's what gets you to the joyful part.
My personal observation is that single parenting is really, really hard. Soif I were in your shoes, my personal bottom line would be that the relationship would have to be strong enough to survive, and he would need to be 110% committed to raising the child with you.
So I"d ask Brad the hard questions:
If you became pregnant fairly soon, would it change his opinion about eventually getting married?
If you got married sooner rather than later, how would he feel about a child in the picture early in the marriage?
What are the pros and cons of having a child together under any cir****tances?
Where do you see your relationship in 5, 10, 15+ years if you do not have a child? If you do? (Let's see, if hypothetical baby is a girl, 5 years would put the child just about entering preschool, most likely. 10 - you'd have a 3rd grader and a house full of Barbie stuff and be running the birthday party circuit. 15 - you'd be gritting your teeth a lot. 20 - college serach. Draw the pictures in your mind and compare them to where you would envision yourself otherwise.)
What are his "non negotiables" about parenting? (In other words, if he saw you were really serious about this, would that be the deal breaker?)
What are both of your ultimate goals for your relationship? Your lives?
Big topic!
And oh! There's a good book out there - "A Baby? Maybe" It might be helpful, but it fear it may also be out of print...
First - It was so good to get to meet you in person on Saturday!
And of course, you're not too "old" for the baby thing. It probably is some sort of biological message running through your body, as Karen (I think) said. FYI, back in the 50's my mom had me at age 37 - obviously the "afterthought" child.
But I would definitely put the cards on the table relationship wise. I have long held/experienced/believed that NOTHING changes your life like a child. A child changes a lot more than your freedom. Your very self changes...and in a lot of ways, those changes are for the better, but it takes a while to get there. A child stresses the parents' relationship in many ways - early out, by just checking on how you are with sleep deprivation and physical exhaustion, and later on dealing with the "big" issues of adolescence. It's a long journey, and every day is work. The nature of it changes, but there is always work to it....and that's what gets you to the joyful part.
My personal observation is that single parenting is really, really hard. Soif I were in your shoes, my personal bottom line would be that the relationship would have to be strong enough to survive, and he would need to be 110% committed to raising the child with you.
So I"d ask Brad the hard questions:
If you became pregnant fairly soon, would it change his opinion about eventually getting married?
If you got married sooner rather than later, how would he feel about a child in the picture early in the marriage?
What are the pros and cons of having a child together under any cir****tances?
Where do you see your relationship in 5, 10, 15+ years if you do not have a child? If you do? (Let's see, if hypothetical baby is a girl, 5 years would put the child just about entering preschool, most likely. 10 - you'd have a 3rd grader and a house full of Barbie stuff and be running the birthday party circuit. 15 - you'd be gritting your teeth a lot. 20 - college serach. Draw the pictures in your mind and compare them to where you would envision yourself otherwise.)
What are his "non negotiables" about parenting? (In other words, if he saw you were really serious about this, would that be the deal breaker?)
What are both of your ultimate goals for your relationship? Your lives?
Big topic!
And oh! There's a good book out there - "A Baby? Maybe" It might be helpful, but it fear it may also be out of print...
Lynn - it was great to meet you too ! I feel so welcome in the Barix group after only my second meeting.
Thanks for responding to my post. I really like your list of questions - I think I will make use of them if we get that far.
I've been picturing the rest of my life with Brad for some time now and in my head, every year gets better and better for us. Up until this point, talk of the future has revolved mostly around what we would do when we retired. Technically, we not all that far away from speaking of retirement. Those plans would be disrupted if we had a baby. But I catch a glimpse of the future where I can see a little one on Christmas morning and playing sports.
Right now I'm thinking of all of the joyous things that come with parenthood. I certainly know that there is a lot more to it and that a lot can go wrong.
Thanks, Lisa
Thanks for responding to my post. I really like your list of questions - I think I will make use of them if we get that far.
I've been picturing the rest of my life with Brad for some time now and in my head, every year gets better and better for us. Up until this point, talk of the future has revolved mostly around what we would do when we retired. Technically, we not all that far away from speaking of retirement. Those plans would be disrupted if we had a baby. But I catch a glimpse of the future where I can see a little one on Christmas morning and playing sports.
Right now I'm thinking of all of the joyous things that come with parenthood. I certainly know that there is a lot more to it and that a lot can go wrong.
Thanks, Lisa
Are you to old? No, not at all. You, ARE, however, at a MUCH greater risk for the abnormalities mentioned, and also at greater risk for miscarriage. A quick bio lessen (not that you asked, lol)...women are born with the amount of eggs we carry for life. Unlike men, *****poroduce sperm much like they do saliva, lol. So...as we age....our eggs age. Just like our DNA and cells become a little "weathered" if you will as we age, so do our eggs. Genetic information breaks down...they are not as healthy and "right"....blah blah blah. Conceiving could be VERY difficult.
If you DO decide to pursue this road....as a nurse I need to say "do it now, do it soon, and get your ob/gyn involved BEFOREHAND" They may even suggest going directly to something like invitro to help up the anties in your favor.
Obviously, though, you need to talk to Brad in plain terms first. Men don't deal well, or respond appropriately, to side ways comments. If you do end up pregnant, without a talk before hand, there may be a LOT of resentment and "I didn't realize you were serious" type comments.
The other concern I have...if you do decide to try to get pregnant....and it does not go well, the emotional rollercoaster that would put you both on. Losses are incredibly difficult to deal with, as is the inability to conceive. So if you've lived your life without planning on having kids...then get your hopes up to have them, and then can't....oy.
Ok...so I've painted a more grim picture than others....and that was not my initial intent. Can it be done? Absolutely. Can it be done safely and without issue? Sure! Can it be a lot of fun? Yup yup!
Enjoy no matter what happens!
Pam
PS: Definately go with a high risk doctor...I know you said your doctor you think is one...just be sure. And you will be classed as "AMA" which = Advanced Maternal Age. Just be prepared for "the label" lol
If you DO decide to pursue this road....as a nurse I need to say "do it now, do it soon, and get your ob/gyn involved BEFOREHAND" They may even suggest going directly to something like invitro to help up the anties in your favor.
Obviously, though, you need to talk to Brad in plain terms first. Men don't deal well, or respond appropriately, to side ways comments. If you do end up pregnant, without a talk before hand, there may be a LOT of resentment and "I didn't realize you were serious" type comments.
The other concern I have...if you do decide to try to get pregnant....and it does not go well, the emotional rollercoaster that would put you both on. Losses are incredibly difficult to deal with, as is the inability to conceive. So if you've lived your life without planning on having kids...then get your hopes up to have them, and then can't....oy.
Ok...so I've painted a more grim picture than others....and that was not my initial intent. Can it be done? Absolutely. Can it be done safely and without issue? Sure! Can it be a lot of fun? Yup yup!
Enjoy no matter what happens!
Pam
PS: Definately go with a high risk doctor...I know you said your doctor you think is one...just be sure. And you will be classed as "AMA" which = Advanced Maternal Age. Just be prepared for "the label" lol
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
Pam, you are very good at putting the cards on the table clearly.
Lisa, I just thought of this at lunchtime. We all "assume" that when we start trying to conceive, it will happen. And unfortunately, it doesn't always go the way we want it to, timing wise. So Pam is right - if the two of you decide to give it the green light, you also need to identify the point at which you will STOP trying, if nothing happens.
And....one of the things that may be "perfect" in your relationship from HIS point of view is that you have not pushed to have children. Put it all out there - if he feels trapped, he will bail. Nice guy, Mr. Wonderful....it matters not. Trust me on this one.
Lisa, I just thought of this at lunchtime. We all "assume" that when we start trying to conceive, it will happen. And unfortunately, it doesn't always go the way we want it to, timing wise. So Pam is right - if the two of you decide to give it the green light, you also need to identify the point at which you will STOP trying, if nothing happens.
And....one of the things that may be "perfect" in your relationship from HIS point of view is that you have not pushed to have children. Put it all out there - if he feels trapped, he will bail. Nice guy, Mr. Wonderful....it matters not. Trust me on this one.
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