OT-Babies

Ok, so I'm going to put this out to my PA peeps because I love you all and your WLS advice has always been spot on. With that said, I know you guys will give me great advice on the topic of babies.

Here's my story.  When I was a teenager, I always thought I wanted to get married and have six kids.  Well, as one bad relationship after another ended, I sort of became jaded. I decided that I didn't want kids, that I was lucky I didn't get myself into the "family way"  and that I was probably getting too old for it anyway.

Fast forward to meeting the love of my life at the age of 38.  For the last 2+ years, I've never been happier.  He has stuck with me thru thick and thin....literally  ! And I love him more everyday for seeing me for the person that I am, not the package that I am wrapped in.  We have discussed marriage and it seems like we will be heading in that direction eventually.  

Our thoughts on children were sort of like....well, we are a little selfish and like to come and go as we please and a kid would hold us back, mess up our retirement plans, etc....We don't need no stinkin' kid....haha

So, present day or I guess, the last few weeks, I have been having thoughts about having a baby. I'm thinking that a child would complete our little family.  I've never wanted to have a baby with anyone until now.  And because we love to laugh and joke around, I kidded to Brad that maybe  we could use someone to pick out our nursing home....haha

I've been expressing these thoughts to Brad and I've had several reactions.  Rolling of the eyes, "what's with all this baby talk??", etc.  What I have not  received is an "ABSOLUTELY NOT".  

I will be one year out from surgery in June.  I will be 41 in September and Brad will be 45 in August. I would not consider trying until I'm at least one year out. 

Am I being crazy???  I'm too old right?? 

I welcome everyones thoughts, opinions (yeah or nay), experiences, etc.

Thanks,
Lisa
 

In this day and age you are definitely NOT too old! I'm sure there are extra precautions you may have to take just because you've never had a child before but I don't see any reason why you and Brad couldn't have a baby - and even tho you feel 'selfish' now having a baby would definitely change all that.

Talk to your surgeon and your ob-gyn - get their advice - but if you and Brad have a wonderful relationship I can only imagine a baby would enhance it for both of you!!

Best wishes on whatever you choose - but you are definitely NOT too old!! LOL!

Kathy

Kathy - thanks for the kind thoughts.  Enhance is the perfect word.  That's what it would be - an definite enhancement to our lives.

I think that my current ob-gyn may be a high risk doc, so that would be great if I could stick with her.  If not, I'm sure she has someone that she recommends high risk folks to.

Lisa

Lisa,

     I thikn when it comes to this it is personal choice if you feel you are too old or not. For myself I never had that "baby time clock".  As time went on and I found myself single then at 40 meeting a good guy but he was 12+ years older then I was with grown children and grandchildren. I knew that I ws ok with not having babies and making a life with him that "selfish " factor was part of it too we like to travel and be on the go.

For my own personal self I thought I was too old to have a baby then this year we took steps to make sure that baby making days were done (on his end) I will say that I mourned the thought that I would not have any children for a few weeks but knew what ws right for me.

So you are not crazy at all follow your heart! 

Thanks Beth.  It's such a weird feeling and one that I've never really had.  Who knows - I may change my mind in a few weeks.......

Lisa

Lisa,
You are not too old to have a baby. But it has to be what both of you want. Make sure that he is with you 110% as far as your decision to procreate. I have many friend whose relationships and or marriage broke up because it was the woman who felt like her bilogical clock was ticking. Brad seems like a nice guy and I am sure he would be on the same page as you but you never know. Some men don't do well having to change their lifestyle drastically especially in their mid-life. Good luck with whatever you guys decide. I love babies they truly are a gift from god.

Shilpa - I'm confident that our relationship is rock-solid, but you are right - major life changes in mid-life could really freak someone out.   

I'm not sure that we are exactly at the deciding point yet, but it's definitely on my mind.

Lisa

Lisa,

Back in 1962 when I was born, my mom was 41 and my dad was 39 (and I'm their only kid).  It was considered "very risky" for a mom so "elderly" (their term) to have a baby.  That was then, this is now... there have been huge changes in health care and understanding of maternal medicine that make it much safer now.  Additionally, with so many people postponing pregnancy due to careers, life decisions, etc., a lot more is known about maternity at older ages. 

Having said that, there are undeniable risks that get greater as you get older - chromosomal abnormalities, certain birth defects, ectopic pregnancy, etc.  Your ob/gyn can tell you about them and about how to screen for them, if you choose.  And, if the biological issues are significant or the risks are too great, you can always consider adoption, fostering, surrogacy, etc. 

In my humble opinion, though, you're feeling your biological clock ticking away - it's a hormonal "imperative" of our species to try and procreate and the urge gets stronger as the years pass without having kids.  Be really, really sure that you and he are both completely on board with the decision, because it truly is a life-changing and overwhelming choice that will completely take over your lives for at least 18 years. 

Many people in your shoes have been told "get a puppy first" which may sound shallow, but can help you figure out whether you both have the temperament and passion to share the rearing of a child.   When you're in a group, do you and he gravitate to the kids? Hold the babies? Play with the toddlers?  Do you have a high tolerance for mess and chaos and general lack of control?  Do you have lives that will let you take emergency time at the drop of a hat because your child is sneezing/upset/needs a parent/has a field trip?  

There's a ton to consider, so take a deep breath and think it through carefully, trying to separate the hormones from the rational in making your decision together.

Karen

Karen - your posts are so insightful.  Thanks for responding. 

I'm quite concerned about the genetic issues and if anything held me back, that would be it.  I'm not concerned about our lives changing for 18 years.  I'm really ok with that. 

Brad actually gravitates towards the kids a little more than I do.  Meaning the ones that can walk and talk.  My friends kids love him.  I tend to gravitate towards the babies. 

We both have jobs that would allow us to come up with creative ways to handle the various things that come along with kids.  He works a condensed scheduled with days off during the week.  I'm basically on flex time and I've been with my company for 21 years, so I have tons of time off to take if necessary.

I definitely need to separate the hormones from my usual logical thinking and get a grip on this.

Lisa

Since you asked (NOT!) here's my "puppy opinion."

Prospective parents may think about getting a puppy well ahead of time if so inclined.

Otherwise, you MUST wait until hypothetical baby is out of diapers. You cannot have a child in diapers and be housebreaking a puppy at the same time.