FML---- adolescent's issues
Lisa -
Although I don't have kids and I'm probably not the best one to comment, I would have to say that I am with Jo all the way on this one. Putting your foot down now is the best possible thing that you can do for her.
I've been trying to get my sister to listen to reason about cell phones, computers and boundaries and she never does. Then she wonders why her kids get into trouble. Ugghhh......
I'm certain that someday she will thank you for it. Being a single parent is tough - hang in there.
Lisa
Although I don't have kids and I'm probably not the best one to comment, I would have to say that I am with Jo all the way on this one. Putting your foot down now is the best possible thing that you can do for her.
I've been trying to get my sister to listen to reason about cell phones, computers and boundaries and she never does. Then she wonders why her kids get into trouble. Ugghhh......
I'm certain that someday she will thank you for it. Being a single parent is tough - hang in there.
Lisa
Lisa, I have no words of wisdom for you since I don't have to deal with this stuff personally - it does sound like you're on top of things with your daughter and taking the necessary steps to get it under control. I am sending lots of prayers your way that you and Siehhara get through this and she learns from it. Take care - Kathy
'One shoe can change your life'...Cinderella
An acquaintance of mine was having an "online affair" behind her hubby's back; one day she got a call from an irate mother of a 14 y.o. boy that she was never to contact her child again, and if she did she could expect contact with the local police department!!!!
This properly scared the poop out of her and she stopped the contact. (Sad to say she got into another one, but it wasn't my problem. Her hubby and she were divorced shortly thereafter)
You might want to call this person in CA and be the irate mom of a child in his ear--maybe he'd be scared poopless too!
You're doing well--I agree take away all the electronics except where you monitor them.
Good luck.
This properly scared the poop out of her and she stopped the contact. (Sad to say she got into another one, but it wasn't my problem. Her hubby and she were divorced shortly thereafter)
You might want to call this person in CA and be the irate mom of a child in his ear--maybe he'd be scared poopless too!
You're doing well--I agree take away all the electronics except where you monitor them.
Good luck.
R K.
on 3/21/10 10:55 pm
on 3/21/10 10:55 pm
Yep call the police and notify the school. She doesn`t need a cell phone at all....no reason take it away. Computer access should be minimal and check into nanny programs that limit access and you set them amd check into a key logger where you can monitor her every key stroke.
If she is 11 and you are the account holder on the phone AT&T is full of crap about the privacy issues.
I`m not great at typing but just a few things. Rules, consequences and consistency. Set the rules, define the consequences and stick to it. Liberal parenting will merely put her at more risk
Don`t totally back her into a corner where she feels there is no way out. She has to be able to regain and earn back your trust in extremely small baby steps.
I have 3 boys the youngest is now 31 and we have been through most everything plus a used to volunteer with at risk kids one step away from jail and can tell you the 2 things that worked were what I already posted AND keeping them busy in activities and sports.
If she is 11 and you are the account holder on the phone AT&T is full of crap about the privacy issues.
I`m not great at typing but just a few things. Rules, consequences and consistency. Set the rules, define the consequences and stick to it. Liberal parenting will merely put her at more risk
Don`t totally back her into a corner where she feels there is no way out. She has to be able to regain and earn back your trust in extremely small baby steps.
I have 3 boys the youngest is now 31 and we have been through most everything plus a used to volunteer with at risk kids one step away from jail and can tell you the 2 things that worked were what I already posted AND keeping them busy in activities and sports.
*
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
— Randy Pausch
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
— Randy Pausch
WOWS Lisa that is scary! I would contct the police just in casre this guy is way older like out age and is after kids! It can't hurt even if it turns out to be another kids round your daughters age still can't hurt. I do think bringing this up at therpy is great to talk about find out what is going etc.... I agree put the food down, dose she have my space page?Well that you know of ? also make sure she don't have tagged page as well. You are good mom checking her phone like that and getting to the bottom of this. If you need anyone to talk to I'm here or just someone to vent to I'm here.
Here is my email [email protected]
Here is my email [email protected]
police report was taken.. a detective will be assigned. The police officer said that the texts "seem" to be coming from a child, but they will not assume that they are. It could be an adult acting like a child.
As far as the privacy thing with AT&T, they said that customer service doesn't have access to them, not that I can't get them. There is another area to be called that they give the number to the police when needed.
The policeman did ask if I could print them and I told him what AT&T said, so he will look into getting that as well.
A trusted friend of mine called while he was here and I texted him letting him know I couldn't talk. He said he knew something was wrong and came over. When I told him what had happened, he told me to pull Siehara out of school so he could talk to her. I gave him permission to say pretty much anything to her because he has older daughters and has been through "sexting" with them. He came with me to the school to get her, so she knew it was bad. He told her that since her father is not around to tell her things, that he was going to.
He asked her if she understood what was bad about what had happened, asked if she knew what sex was, what rape was, did she want a boyfriend, how she should not let anyone see or touch her private areas, etc etc.. went into detail about what could happen to her and/or me if that person on the other end was an adult and was mean.. showed her pictures of missing kids, gave me the name of a movie to show her about child abductions.. actually the policeman told me to rent a movie about it, too..
He was a big help and handled it much more calmly and productively than I ever could. He has some different views about handling her, but I am glad he was able to help me out today. This is going to be a long and interesting road.
As far as the privacy thing with AT&T, they said that customer service doesn't have access to them, not that I can't get them. There is another area to be called that they give the number to the police when needed.
The policeman did ask if I could print them and I told him what AT&T said, so he will look into getting that as well.
A trusted friend of mine called while he was here and I texted him letting him know I couldn't talk. He said he knew something was wrong and came over. When I told him what had happened, he told me to pull Siehara out of school so he could talk to her. I gave him permission to say pretty much anything to her because he has older daughters and has been through "sexting" with them. He came with me to the school to get her, so she knew it was bad. He told her that since her father is not around to tell her things, that he was going to.
He asked her if she understood what was bad about what had happened, asked if she knew what sex was, what rape was, did she want a boyfriend, how she should not let anyone see or touch her private areas, etc etc.. went into detail about what could happen to her and/or me if that person on the other end was an adult and was mean.. showed her pictures of missing kids, gave me the name of a movie to show her about child abductions.. actually the policeman told me to rent a movie about it, too..
He was a big help and handled it much more calmly and productively than I ever could. He has some different views about handling her, but I am glad he was able to help me out today. This is going to be a long and interesting road.
My tracker
hers 
Glad your friend could help. I was thinking all day of figuring out some way of somebody doing exactly that - was thinking Brian - but I know Brian wouldn't be able to really talk to her because she A) has seen him personally and personable....and what not. Glad he could help and you have yet another avenue of support.
Regardless of this person is a child or an adult - the topics of discussion are not appropriate.
Regardless of this person is a child or an adult - the topics of discussion are not appropriate.
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
SO glad that you called the police and they were helpful. Hopefully your friend got through to her to.
I think that the movie is a great idea - maybe it'll really scare her. See too if you can find any local cases - maybe that will make it more real for her.
If you need ANYTHING you know at least 3 different ways to get a hold of me - 2am - whatever!
And how are YOU doing this evening Mom?
I think that the movie is a great idea - maybe it'll really scare her. See too if you can find any local cases - maybe that will make it more real for her.
If you need ANYTHING you know at least 3 different ways to get a hold of me - 2am - whatever!
And how are YOU doing this evening Mom?
Lisa, I am just jumping in, catching up here after a couple of days away.
But I have to commend you for calling the police. I would be very tempted to have a very strong man call this guy and scare him ****less. If he's a kid, it wouldn't be hard. If he's an adult predator, it wouldn't be hard. Know anyone who's a cop who could call when off duty?
I agree with Jo in that parenting is made much more difficult by all the electronics. I'd be very watchful over her online activities - from here on out. She won't like it. Too bad. No phone necessary. Computer time limited. Use a blocking program. Computer in the main area of the house. You get the picture....
She will protest and accuse you of being the most archaic parent on earth. But what you are doing is PROTECTING CHILDHOOD in a very dangerous world.
But I have to commend you for calling the police. I would be very tempted to have a very strong man call this guy and scare him ****less. If he's a kid, it wouldn't be hard. If he's an adult predator, it wouldn't be hard. Know anyone who's a cop who could call when off duty?
I agree with Jo in that parenting is made much more difficult by all the electronics. I'd be very watchful over her online activities - from here on out. She won't like it. Too bad. No phone necessary. Computer time limited. Use a blocking program. Computer in the main area of the house. You get the picture....
She will protest and accuse you of being the most archaic parent on earth. But what you are doing is PROTECTING CHILDHOOD in a very dangerous world.
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