frustrated--venting and need help or just someone to read this

Lisa H.
on 3/21/10 10:41 am, edited 3/21/10 10:47 am - Whitehall, PA
Ok, so I know I should not be comparing myself to anyone. I try not to, but I can't help it.

I am sooo happy for all of you who have hit the 100 lb mark.  I just found out that someone else has, as well, who does not post on here.  When she told me I just started crying.  Why isn't my scale moving? Why am I having such a hard time?  Why is my surgeon such an a$&hole? 

I just cannot seem to stay on track.  I post to the daily thread and then I still eat something different.  I tell myself I am going to do exactly what I say I am going to do and then I will for a day or two, and then stop.  

Why can't I get over this food addiction?  I am sooo afraid that the pounds are going to start creeping back on and I will be back to 245 lbs.   I don't eat bread, sugar, rice or pasta.  I have committed to THAT.  WHY can't I commit to portion control? Is my pouch stretched?  WHY can I eat every hour and not feel sick? WHY doesn't anything get stuck or make me sick?  WHY do I keep looking to food for comfort when I seem to be in a happy place in my life right now?

I am proud of myself for losing 70 lbs.  I am proud of myself for being committed to the gym.  I am proud of myself for losing so many inches and sizes.  WHY doesn't the scale reflect all my hard work and why I am sitting here crying like I am a failure? I KNOW I'm not a failure.  What can I do to get back to losing pounds? My body can't be "happy" where it is.  There has to be a way for me to lose this last 40 lbs.  

ARRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

My tracker

hers 

bethmal
on 3/21/10 10:51 am
RNY on 12/26/17
I am so sorry Lisa that you are feeling down on yourself.  This is not an easy journey to embark upon and we all come upon road blocks from time to time.  I have hit one myself and have gained 7 pounds turning to food instead of dealing with the real issue.  I don't have great words of wisdom I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you.  (((hugs)))

You can't measure your achievements with someone else's yardstick!

Revision from lapband to RNY 12/26/17 with Dr. Caitlin Halbert

HW 260 SW 248 CW 154 GW 145

Gallbladder removed 9/18

Beth

bvohl
on 3/21/10 11:06 am
Lisa,

Sorry to hear that you are so down :( I am here for you if you need to talk, just like you were here for me. It is good that you keep reminding yourself of all that you have accomplished, but our brains are still addicted to food! I found myself turning to food (SF ice cream, that is) for comfort when I was dealing with some personal issues.  It is ashame that your surgeon is not being supportive and helpful to you, that sucks :(

You are an awesome person and an inspiration to many, including me :-)

Beth
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eminnich
on 3/21/10 12:11 pm - Schnecksville, PA
Hey Lisa...

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time today.  I don't have many answers.  Like others, I consider you an inspiration with your commitment to exercise and foods you avoid.  I can honeslty say that I have had issues with food and fall back to it for comfort when I need it even since my surgery.  I've asked myself all the questions you have.  Odds are that 90% of us here have asked ourselves those questions.  I sure as hell don't have the answers, if I did, maybe I wouldn't have got myself in the position to need my RNY surgery.  What I can tell you is that me and probably everybody else in this room would bend over backwards to support you, encourage you, give you a shoulder to cry on and do whatever is needed to help you through this frustrating time.  Just like you would do for us.


Shannon O.
on 3/21/10 12:14 pm - Reading, PA

I totally know how you feel... and yes I was pregnant and then breastfeeding... but for over a year and half I didn't lose any weight...

I feel the same way about the portion control... that is my hardest issue to deal with right now... coming down from 2000 to 1800 to a normal amount of a 1000/1200 calories right now... it is helping that i can eat veggies again (since Annabelle is pretty much all formula now)... it is nice not to have to pick of them off my dishes lol... I have had to prepackage my food to help keep them the right size...

Hang in there...




lmcc725
on 3/21/10 2:34 pm - Scranton, PA
Lisa,
You certainly ahve been an inspiration to me. If anyone deserves to be happy it is you.
I wish I had the words to make it better for you.
You should be proud of what you accomplished and you should def seek a new surgeon just because you deserve someone that is as worried about your not losing as much as you are!
That is what they were paid to do, and their oath to helping people.
                 Lynn      HW-237/SW-225.8/GW-130   
    I already Kicked Cancer's Ass...
steffihope
on 3/21/10 7:58 pm - Philadelphia, PA
I love you!  Call me and we can cry together!  I msure Karen will get on here with some wonderful things that will help you get though this next part.....(Did you like how I put the pressure of Karen?!?!)  Have you read the book that she recommended - Anatomy of a Food Addiction? How are things going with the therpist?  ow I am just rambling becuase I have NO idea what to tell you - oh wait....see....I can always think of something!  You are BEAUTIFUL and DO have wonderful friends who are part of this journey and will ALWAYS be there for you!  Again I say - I LOVE YOU!!!!!  P.S. - I wonder if talking with your Rabbi might help?  Just a thought - and a serious suggestion.
Lisa H.
on 3/21/10 8:01 pm - Whitehall, PA
bought the book.. sitting on my dresser.  I guess it's time I open the thing up and read it.  I also bought Beck.  Looks like I'll be doing some serious reading over the next few weeks.

My tracker

hers 

steffihope
on 3/21/10 8:12 pm - Philadelphia, PA
Have I mentioned that I LOVE you! :)
Liz R.
on 3/21/10 9:00 pm - Easton, PA
aww hun *HUGS* you can always call and cry to me too. My suggestions would be to
1) CHANGE surgeons! I've heard great things about the program at St Luke's in Bethlehem
2) find a nutritionist that works with WLS patients and make an appt. it can't hurt

You are doing so many things right! I would get any "trigger" foods out of the house. Have things like celery and carrots cut up in the fridge - when you go rustling around for a snack grab a packet of those. It'll give you crunch without ruining your day. Pre-portion EVERYTHING! Get out your cups and scale again. If you have to ask Siehara to measure things for you (or with you) it'll keep you accountable.

(fortunately for me) I haven't been there, but WE'll get you through this!

Love you!!

Liz
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