OT Don't mind my vent
Oh - we DO share EVERYTHING...rock bottom lows and joyous occassions alike. And we've done battle about a few things and still been there for each other after all its said and done.
And part of being such a close friend is knowing her inside and out. Could I talk to her about it? Absolutely. I'm not saying I couldn't because we're not close enough to HAVE that discussion. I can literally tell her anything. But I already know the outcome.
Being a close friend is like being married in my opinion - you love them for who they are - and understand you are NOT going to change them. And I do love her - but even people you love can get on your nerves one day or another
And part of being such a close friend is knowing her inside and out. Could I talk to her about it? Absolutely. I'm not saying I couldn't because we're not close enough to HAVE that discussion. I can literally tell her anything. But I already know the outcome.
Being a close friend is like being married in my opinion - you love them for who they are - and understand you are NOT going to change them. And I do love her - but even people you love can get on your nerves one day or another
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
I can understand why you would be upset - I've been in your shoes a time or two - but here's something I finally realized about myself and made sure I put a stop to it:
When you let people walk all over you without expecting some kind of compensation in return, they will continue to walk all over you until you speak up and tell them to knock it off.
Now for me, a few of my friendships have ended because of this - I said I wasn't paying for everything anymore, and they stopped calling me AND returning phone calls. Well, their loss then, because that just proves they weren't great friends to begin with.
Your only option is to have a talk with her. You can be nice about it, actually - "I am so glad you have a great position at your job now! It's great to see you and your husband doing such a great job getting back on your feet. I just wanted to let you know that I can't afford to pay for everything we do, but that doesn't mean we can't hang out! There are all sorts of things we can do that are free - walking around a park, packing a picnic lunch, hanging ou****ching movies at home, just let me know what you're interested in!"
Get togethers shouldn't be 100% centered around spending money anyway, which is something I've learned recently - and that goes along with the whole thing that not everything revolves around food.
If your friend loves you for you, she will continue to be your friend. If you cut her off financially and she flips out, she was never your friend to begin with.
When you let people walk all over you without expecting some kind of compensation in return, they will continue to walk all over you until you speak up and tell them to knock it off.
Now for me, a few of my friendships have ended because of this - I said I wasn't paying for everything anymore, and they stopped calling me AND returning phone calls. Well, their loss then, because that just proves they weren't great friends to begin with.
Your only option is to have a talk with her. You can be nice about it, actually - "I am so glad you have a great position at your job now! It's great to see you and your husband doing such a great job getting back on your feet. I just wanted to let you know that I can't afford to pay for everything we do, but that doesn't mean we can't hang out! There are all sorts of things we can do that are free - walking around a park, packing a picnic lunch, hanging ou****ching movies at home, just let me know what you're interested in!"
Get togethers shouldn't be 100% centered around spending money anyway, which is something I've learned recently - and that goes along with the whole thing that not everything revolves around food.
If your friend loves you for you, she will continue to be your friend. If you cut her off financially and she flips out, she was never your friend to begin with.
Proud mama of Mischa and Gabriel, both born post-op.
You're right - get togethers shouldn't be focused around spending money. And there are PLENTY of times that they aren't with us......
And as annoyed as I was with her for being irrisponsible....I know hands down that she's not my friend for the money I spend...goodness knows she's been my friend for well over a decade...when I couldn't afford to pay for my electric bill when I was in nursing school and working for just about minimum wage in NJ
Her responsibility is something I can't fix....but my "over generosity" with alot of things/people can. We are by no means wealthy...and we struggle to keep up month to month some days and it's always been about other people first, us last. That's the part that CAN be changed
And as annoyed as I was with her for being irrisponsible....I know hands down that she's not my friend for the money I spend...goodness knows she's been my friend for well over a decade...when I couldn't afford to pay for my electric bill when I was in nursing school and working for just about minimum wage in NJ
Her responsibility is something I can't fix....but my "over generosity" with alot of things/people can. We are by no means wealthy...and we struggle to keep up month to month some days and it's always been about other people first, us last. That's the part that CAN be changed
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.
Pam
When I read this, I couldn't believe the nerve of your friend. Buying one laptop would have been nice, but TWO of them? I'm with you on everything you said. Sounds like she's going to be expecting more hand outs once her bonus money is gone. No way would I ever treat this person again. That's not only thoughtless spending, but very SELFISH of her not to pay for lunch and treat you since she now is in the position to do so. I knew someone who got over $100,000 settlement 25 years ago, and blew the entire amount, later filing bankruptcy because they never paid the hospital bill. I just don't get people like this....it infuriates me.
When I read this, I couldn't believe the nerve of your friend. Buying one laptop would have been nice, but TWO of them? I'm with you on everything you said. Sounds like she's going to be expecting more hand outs once her bonus money is gone. No way would I ever treat this person again. That's not only thoughtless spending, but very SELFISH of her not to pay for lunch and treat you since she now is in the position to do so. I knew someone who got over $100,000 settlement 25 years ago, and blew the entire amount, later filing bankruptcy because they never paid the hospital bill. I just don't get people like this....it infuriates me.
as I have always said to people and this sounds nuts "buying the horse is the cheapest part its the maintnence and upkeep thats the tough part" lets see how long your "friend" can afford the stupid financial choice she made such as two not one laptop and the broadband. When that runs out I would quietly say to her "gee I don't know what to tell you" I don't think you're being petty and you are hurt and absolutely right. Would have been nice for her to share the wealth with you and Brian I mean to do something thoughtful to thank the both of you for your generosity. And BTW its poor church mouse not poor month (kidding just correcting you cause I care about you) We had a couple like that that when we would let them know it was our treat they would do the prime rib abd lobster for each one but when they had to pay their own way they would split the entree and stuff, I would have let her know how I felt but thats me no punches pulled. I can see the laptop for her but not the husband they could have shared hers/ours. She has her priorities screwed up and be glad its hers and not yours. Damn right I would be pissed and let her know! The next time you do something with her or him make them pick up their share and if they can't afford to join you say to them well I guess Brian and I will catch you next time and leave it at that if they don't get it the first time then they are dense.
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