Alomst 3 year DIFFERENT wow moment

Jen, I've said it before, I'll say it again.   You are priceless.   You keep it real.   Your post is why we vets tell the newbies this surgery is no joke, no easy fix.    So newbies, when someone sneers at you that you've taken the easy way out, just walk away; those are folks that will NEVER understand how much hard work goes into this.   Jen has worked HARD, she is to be commended.   This journey has many forks, many bumps, some hills to climb and some easy slides.   Just keep workin it.   Just as the mirror caught up with you outwardly, so will the emotions inwardly at some point.  

Do make sure your labs are done indepth.   Be persistent; depression/weight gain (especially if you are doing your program right) can be an endocrine thing vs. a mental thing.   Jen, Pam's right.   The issues you list are not RNY, they are JEN.   And yes, so as not to think you are alone, I've had them too and so have many others here that I've talked to in private that won't post it publicly.   That's ok.   We're all a work in progress.   Keep working at the self esteem issues with your therapist, keep setting small goals and achieving them and setting more.   You WILL see what we all see eventually.  List your achievements as you go so you have something concrete to see when you look back.   I see ALOT that you've achieved, that you've inspired, that you've acquired and all BECAUSE of June 19, 2007.   Look at the ring finger of your left hand for instance....Love you, hope your mood swings upward soon....J.

Here I sit at almost 4 years out, and yes I have head hunger plus portion control issues.  I know you said you would have never gone under the knife if you knew then what you know now.  I on the other hand would do it over and over again.  I know that there is no way in hell that I could have lost all this weight on my own doing the WW, Vomiting, Starving myself, Atkins, low carb, no carb, low fat, no fat, low calorie, fat camp .... etc thing.  Its no secret that the surgery is only a tool.  It doesn't fix our brains, we are constantly under construction, and the mental food police will always be a card we have to bring into play. Everyday I wake up and rn to the mirror to make sure I really lost it and it wasn't a dream.  Sometimes I dream that I look in the mirror and see the old me and start screaming what happened to my surgery.

I hope that you can see how beautiful you are, and can love the person that was hidden under it all.  It just takes a long time to adjust to our new bodies and way of compensating for the loss of our fake friend food.  Hoping things come together for you.

You don't know me, but your post sadden me when I read it especially after looking at your photos. I know everyone has told you this,  you really are beautiful both inside & out. I believe that things will work out for you because of how hard you work at everything that you do. Some of us just have to work harder at becoming the best & happiest that we deserve to be especially since we only have one shot at getting it right :)
I wish that i had done this at a younger age and worked on sorting things out long ago, but I also feel that it's never too late, even at age 50. 
Wishing you the best and hope that you find the answers that you are looking for.
...joy