Need encouragement
Ok I know I didnt get this surgery for anyone else but myself....BUT....I have accomplished so many things in the last 4 months since surgery and it would be really nice to hear or have someone notice all my changes. I have had NO one tell me yet that they notice a change with my weight or anything. Not only did I lose almost 80 lbs but I have gave up a pepsi addiction...that was hard and that is something that I never thought I would accomplish. I am proud of myself but I know I would feel so much better to have someone tell me they see a change or they see all the hard work and determination with this new tool. I guess I would really like to hear it mostly from my husband, but I haven't. I just needed to vent. Have a good weekend!!
I feel the same way as you do...I had my RNY almost 2 years ago and have lost 130 lbs. But the past year, I have remained at the same weight...I have gotten so discouraged latley...it is so hard...i have no support team at home, helping me on this journey...no encouragement at all from my husband...there are no support groups where I live and I have never been to one. I still want to lose another 100 lbs. and just now,started to get myself back on track to lose this weight....it has been a long hard road so far, for some reason, I don't get all my protein in daily like I should. I am not a meat eater so I have to find other ways to do it. I do get the liquids in most of the time, taking the calcium is hard also, my doc. wants me to take 6 of them a day and i hate swollering them....Anyways, I"m trying to mentally get myself back on track and get this journey started again,..most of the time, i feel as though i'm hungry and don't get filled up, i'm wondering if my pouch has stretched and if they can go back in and reclose it.....take care and good luck.
Colinda
Colinda
Sometimes guys can be REALLY dense... or embarassed about what to say. They go through that whole "if I say you look good now, will you take it that you didn't look good before?" thing. My husband was very supportive, but then would come out with the stupidest things that I took really hurtfully, even though I rationally knew he didn't mean them the way I heard them.
Tell him you need positive reinforcement and encouragement, or at least an honest opinion from him. Your rapid changes may be scary for him, as well - and he may just be confused as to what to say. And he may not know if you want him to say something, as well. I've finally learned (after 22 years of marriage) to tell my husband what I need from him - like "You know, valentine's day is coming up and I'd really like flowers this year!" or whatever. He's just not going to come up with these things on his own, unfortunately.
Other people may also be reluctant to mention your weight loss - it's still a "taboo" thing in our society to mention and discuss unless you know the person well and they've shared their struggles with you. At the 5 - 6 month point, I was getting people asking me "Are you ok? You've lost a lot of weight..." and realized they hadn't wanted to mention it because they thought I might be ill. So that can be keeping people quiet, too - it's a complex thing.
ALSO - you need to realize that your reactions to things are going to be influenced by two powerful factors, which make your feelings more pronounced on this. First, you're at the point where you are in the midst of releasing tons of estrogen and other hormones that have been stored in your fat reserves. Think "PMS on steroids" and you've got it just about right. Second, the "newness" of the experience is starting to wear off, and the daily work of this routine is setting in. My guess is that this is the point at which prior diet attempts started to fall apart a bit, so your self-protective instincts are kicking in and prepping you for disappointment, once again. The difference is that this time you have a powerful set of tools that you can use to keep yourself on track (your RNY tool and your support network).
Try finding one of your before pics and post it up somewhere that you and your hubby can see it. Take a recent pic of yourself and post it next to it... or just stand next to it and ask him if he can see a difference (and ask yourself the same thing). It won't be long before the people aroudn you can't keep quiet any longer.
Karen
Tell him you need positive reinforcement and encouragement, or at least an honest opinion from him. Your rapid changes may be scary for him, as well - and he may just be confused as to what to say. And he may not know if you want him to say something, as well. I've finally learned (after 22 years of marriage) to tell my husband what I need from him - like "You know, valentine's day is coming up and I'd really like flowers this year!" or whatever. He's just not going to come up with these things on his own, unfortunately.
Other people may also be reluctant to mention your weight loss - it's still a "taboo" thing in our society to mention and discuss unless you know the person well and they've shared their struggles with you. At the 5 - 6 month point, I was getting people asking me "Are you ok? You've lost a lot of weight..." and realized they hadn't wanted to mention it because they thought I might be ill. So that can be keeping people quiet, too - it's a complex thing.
ALSO - you need to realize that your reactions to things are going to be influenced by two powerful factors, which make your feelings more pronounced on this. First, you're at the point where you are in the midst of releasing tons of estrogen and other hormones that have been stored in your fat reserves. Think "PMS on steroids" and you've got it just about right. Second, the "newness" of the experience is starting to wear off, and the daily work of this routine is setting in. My guess is that this is the point at which prior diet attempts started to fall apart a bit, so your self-protective instincts are kicking in and prepping you for disappointment, once again. The difference is that this time you have a powerful set of tools that you can use to keep yourself on track (your RNY tool and your support network).
Try finding one of your before pics and post it up somewhere that you and your hubby can see it. Take a recent pic of yourself and post it next to it... or just stand next to it and ask him if he can see a difference (and ask yourself the same thing). It won't be long before the people aroudn you can't keep quiet any longer.
Karen
As women, compliments are a must. OK, with me they are.
My ex-husband, who I was married to when I had my surgery, NEVER complimented me, encouraged me, he even got worse with comments like.....
You think you are better than me now
I guess you think you look hot now
Ignorant stuff to make me feel bad. My family never said much, mostly because I think they felt uncomfortable.
I am sorry to hear that you are not getting the encouragement you are craving. For me, it's a driving force to keep up what I am doing, and to continue.
(((hugs)))
My ex-husband, who I was married to when I had my surgery, NEVER complimented me, encouraged me, he even got worse with comments like.....
You think you are better than me now
I guess you think you look hot now
Ignorant stuff to make me feel bad. My family never said much, mostly because I think they felt uncomfortable.
I am sorry to hear that you are not getting the encouragement you are craving. For me, it's a driving force to keep up what I am doing, and to continue.
(((hugs)))
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila & salt and give me a call!
Vent away!
There's not anything I can add to what Karen and the other ladies have said thus far.
Know that WE are recognizing your accomplishments.
Speaking of which...what about a pic on your profile and changing it so we can see the differences as they happen??!!
Keep on keeping on!
There's not anything I can add to what Karen and the other ladies have said thus far.
Know that WE are recognizing your accomplishments.
Speaking of which...what about a pic on your profile and changing it so we can see the differences as they happen??!!
Keep on keeping on!
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
thanks everyone for all the great words....My regret in life would be that I had the lowest self esteem issues and I would NEVER allow anyone take a pic of me because I hated what I seen, so I havent had a pic taken since I was 18 years old..my graduation pic. I hate not having a before and after pic to look at and I hate that my kids won't have any pics of their mom after I am gone...This is one of my goals though is to let them finally take pics of me now and I know how happy this will make them...again thanks and I hate this snow!!
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