Why are we not good enough??

That is the question that was posed by a good friend who had the misfortune of dating a guy that dumped her after he saw some "fluffy" pictures of her? I am posting this thread because this guy was somebody she just met and they connected but did not know that my friend had WLS and now he is A). Freaked out B) Is not returning her calls and has distanced himself from her.

My personal opinion is this guy is a jerk and has just broken not only my friend's heart but her spirit. I told her good riddance but she does not believe me. My heart aches for her. I just am so happy that my husband loves me for who I am. He married me when I was over 230lbs and he loves me now at 140lbs.

BTW no amount of pep talk is helping my friend she is inconsolable. Any advise on how to help her? It would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks all.

Sometimes we do not have to say anything at all to our friends we just have to be there for them. They will talk when they need to talk just knowing you are there sounds like the point your friend is currently at during this time.

As for the guy freaking out while we know that it  maybe unfair to judge on appearance but let's face it that society does judge on looks. So yes over all the guy maybe a jerk for acting that way yet Maybe step into his shoes we all know what it is we like in a person and maybe he thinks she was a "fat girl" once what happens it she returns to being that way. This may not be something he likes in a partner and is afraid of the unknown.

It sounds like this was early into the relationship so maybe it is better she finds out now that he is shallow and wait for the right one to come along.

Fat or thin dating is not easy! 

Shilpa, I expect that your friend is more inconsolable because she thought WLS would stop rejection from happening.  She was feeling good about herself only to be rejected AGAIN.  Often we look for more out of this surgery than it can provide.  It fixed HER weight, it didn't fix HIM; he is BROKEN.  Your friend has what she needs from the outside....a very good friend in you and a bunch of us pulling for her too.   She needs the friend within herself to value herself and kick jackass's like this guy to the curb.   She'll find her prince, she's just gotta kiss more frogs.  At least now she knows more what she DOESN'T want in a man...a wimp that "can't handle" the least little thing.    Best of luck to her that she's back in the game sooner rather than later ;-)

His loss OMG thank goodness she didn't break her fingernails in front of him (kidding) he didn't want a person in his life he wanted a trophy I don't think she is broken-hearted about him I hope she doesn't judge all men by him.  It doesn't sound like she was dating him very long so she needs to take a deep breath and move on.  Be grateful she didn't invest alot of time with him and somewhere out there is a guy who will love her for who she is not what if you know what I mean.  I mean she just met him why let someone she just met affect her?  I would lose his number.

This guy/person sounds extremely shallow.  Maybe put it to her this way, IF, and that's if -- they were to plan a life together and she would become pregnant, he could be so shallow and dump her because she had pregnancy weight/baby weight after.  Not sure if your friend wants a family eventually, but it is certainly something to think about.  Someone must love you for you, not because of the attractive shell you occupy.

I can't say it better than Jackie did.

The only way you can help is by being there to listen.  You can tell her she IS good enough, but she won't believe it quite yet.

Sometimes when we are so broken, we just want to cry and complain for a time.  The only thing I can liken to it is when I come home from work after a bad night and start complaining about it to Brian.  He wants to "fix" it.  Fact of the matter:  He can't fix it.  I just wanted to complain and vent.

You can't fix this.  Nor can you fix him.  Or her, for that matter.  But you can listen, support, hug, and give her a nice protein snack when she's hungry!

Hugs to BOTH of you!  Having a hurt friend is just as hurting to the friend listening.

The WLS was his excuse or insecurity.

Another guy, it may be the way she chews.

Or the way they laugh.

Or their choice in music.

Everyone has issues when it comes to dating. Some are compromised, some are deal breakers.

This guy just happened to have a hook up on something that is very personal to her. So it'****ting her harder. If he had acted this way over the kind of music she liked, she probably wouldn't be as hurt, she'd think he was a dumb ass.

Since our weight and weight loss are HUGE sensitive issues for most of us, we tend to take that much more personal than other hang ups people have.

I have had a guy dump me because I was too opinionated. Well screw him, that's me, I moved on. I DID have a guy break up with me when he found out that I used to be "fat". That hurt me so badly. Why? That was still me. but it was much harder to take.

You won't be able to say anything to her to help her see that he's the jerk. Just listen, let her cry, and she will figure it out on her own. We all do. It just takes time to get over the hurt.

some men are just dogs... and what he did was horrible and all but if she doesn't wanna live in a box the rest of her life she needs to suck it up and move on... and then go kick that guys butt!  she shouldn't be ashamed of her journery... but really go beat that man... jerk!

Shannon,
That why  like you. You say it like it is. Not all men but this one takes the cake. OMG my friend just emailed me that she is sorry that cried and freaked out on me. I told her that is what friend are for and there is no reason to apologize. BUT what a jerk! he totally did a number on my friend.

I am new to the boards, and have been doing some "lurking" while just starting out on my WLS journey and I had to respond to this post. I remember when I lost a large amount of weight in my 20's and had a very bad rejection from a man and I was devistated... I distictly remember saying to my friends "I thought when I lost weight I would be happy", i.e., not that things like this wouldn't HAPPEN anymore, but it wouldn't EFFECT me anymore...WRONG.
It has taken me almost 20 years to get to the point I am at to feel whole about myself to NOW have surgery.  I guess it was a process I had to go through to get here.
But I can really relate to what she is feeling. I really felt when the weight came off, no rejection would happen, etc.  Doesn't work like that. I had to make myself strong enough because, hey like they say "sh** happens in life as does rejection".  Now I am know I am ready for this surgery.

As for your friend, she is so fortunate to have such a kind and caring friend as you.  She is the lucky one in that respect.  She also (I am sure she can't see it like this now) really got lucky and dodged a MAJOR bullet with that guy by this happening NOW.  Imagine if they had gotten further in the relationship??? WOW.  what a major TOOL.
I will keep her in my prayers that she heals quickly and is able to experience life at its fullest.