What is your self care ritual?
As I continue on my journey of self discovery many new things come to light. I bash my head against the wall and wonder why....why do I still use food in ways it was not meant to be used? Why have I gained some weight back? These answers can be obvious to me when I am helping someone else, but remain elusive when I am trying to work on me.
One thing that I have learned recently is that I have NO Self care rituals. I do very little to care for myself, ongoing, daily, or even on a intermitten basis. I mean really I dont wash my face at night, I just collapse into bed, I am lucky if I brush my teeth. I dont care for my skin, I dont do any kind of spiritual development, meditation etc. I do the bare minimum. I take my vitamins, i dont eat sugar or soda, but beyond that my self care is poor.
When I am in a place where i need to feel self love or nurture myself? I have no idea how to do it. No resources at hand to use. So i eat. My new goal and newest plan in my tool kit, is to work on having a tool kit of self care ideas and options. One of the first things I am doing is asking others what kind of self care activities they have? One of my good friends, said that she will give herself a mask and and sit and read a magazine away from her husband the tv and the kitchen. She said she had to learn how to love herself with skin care. SO I wonder what do you do??? I thought getting a facial or massage counted, and it does to an extent but that is something that is done to us, not something we do FOR ourselves, to ourselves, in a loving way to ourselves.
One thing that I have learned recently is that I have NO Self care rituals. I do very little to care for myself, ongoing, daily, or even on a intermitten basis. I mean really I dont wash my face at night, I just collapse into bed, I am lucky if I brush my teeth. I dont care for my skin, I dont do any kind of spiritual development, meditation etc. I do the bare minimum. I take my vitamins, i dont eat sugar or soda, but beyond that my self care is poor.
When I am in a place where i need to feel self love or nurture myself? I have no idea how to do it. No resources at hand to use. So i eat. My new goal and newest plan in my tool kit, is to work on having a tool kit of self care ideas and options. One of the first things I am doing is asking others what kind of self care activities they have? One of my good friends, said that she will give herself a mask and and sit and read a magazine away from her husband the tv and the kitchen. She said she had to learn how to love herself with skin care. SO I wonder what do you do??? I thought getting a facial or massage counted, and it does to an extent but that is something that is done to us, not something we do FOR ourselves, to ourselves, in a loving way to ourselves.
I actually have quite a few self care rituals, when I think about it. Some of these may seem very tiny, but they are important to me. And some, of course, are "new" since WLS. So in no particular order, and realizing this may sound like I'm a little self centered and horribly self indulgent:
Time for the gym is something I schedule for myself regardless of other demands. Spending the money on my membership and trainer is now a non-negotiable self care item.
Massage - monthly. Yes, this is done "to" me, but it's also "for" me.
Buying specific grocery items that I enjoy and that are good for me. It helps allay any feeling of deprivation or being bored with what I eat (so far at least).
I'm not huge into makeup (although I do use it most days), but I wash my face three times a day with Purpose liquid soap and use decent moisturizer. I moisturize my hands and feet also.
I wear cologne.
In summer, I get pedicures.
I have a good haircut, color retouch, and eyebrow arch every 5 weeks at a great salon. Going to an excellent hairdresser is part of my self care.
I count out my vitamins for the week each Sunday.
When my work schedule permits it, I sign up for a session of writing classes (usually about half of the year). I have an excellent teacher - time at her table is one of the best things I have done in years. Writing is one of my long term goals and this keeps it on the front burner.
I do my best to stay spiritually attuned. I go to church regularly and give a lot of hours of service to and through my church. Is that self care or care for others? It's one, via the other, I think.
Also spiritually, I read scriptures almost every day.
I read daily. Whether a novel, nonfiction, the Wall Street Journal...I have to read.
I journal - not daily, but usually once a week.
I follow my nutritional plan to the letter.
I keep music on around me a lot of the time.
I keep fresh flowers in the house as often as I can.
Now, Things I need to work on:
Figuring out how to spend more time outdoors.
Getting a better financial plan for the next 5-10 years.
Squaring my shoulders to deal with food temptations the further I get out from surgery.
Time for the gym is something I schedule for myself regardless of other demands. Spending the money on my membership and trainer is now a non-negotiable self care item.
Massage - monthly. Yes, this is done "to" me, but it's also "for" me.
Buying specific grocery items that I enjoy and that are good for me. It helps allay any feeling of deprivation or being bored with what I eat (so far at least).
I'm not huge into makeup (although I do use it most days), but I wash my face three times a day with Purpose liquid soap and use decent moisturizer. I moisturize my hands and feet also.
I wear cologne.
In summer, I get pedicures.
I have a good haircut, color retouch, and eyebrow arch every 5 weeks at a great salon. Going to an excellent hairdresser is part of my self care.
I count out my vitamins for the week each Sunday.
When my work schedule permits it, I sign up for a session of writing classes (usually about half of the year). I have an excellent teacher - time at her table is one of the best things I have done in years. Writing is one of my long term goals and this keeps it on the front burner.
I do my best to stay spiritually attuned. I go to church regularly and give a lot of hours of service to and through my church. Is that self care or care for others? It's one, via the other, I think.
Also spiritually, I read scriptures almost every day.
I read daily. Whether a novel, nonfiction, the Wall Street Journal...I have to read.
I journal - not daily, but usually once a week.
I follow my nutritional plan to the letter.
I keep music on around me a lot of the time.
I keep fresh flowers in the house as often as I can.
Now, Things I need to work on:
Figuring out how to spend more time outdoors.
Getting a better financial plan for the next 5-10 years.
Squaring my shoulders to deal with food temptations the further I get out from surgery.
that is a nice list. My friend told me that when she is tempted to eat, she will do something to pamper herself. DO her nails. do a facial mask. Etc., something she can do right there in the minute to care for herself in a way that does not involve food. I like this way of thinking. I am definately going to add some of yours to my tool kit.
Nicole,
First of all hugs coming your way and bravo for realizing that you do not take care of yourself. Sometimes we get so busy in our lives that we neglect ourselves. And as previously said I also do a few things that are non-negotiable:
I always make time to get an hour of exercise in usually in the mornings.
I also do not leave the house without make up on. My staples are eyeliner, mascara and a light day wear lipstick.
In the summertime I usually get pedicures and paint my own nails and toe nails. I am worth $30 every 2 weeks!!
I also volunteer time at my temple and that makes me feel so good. In the past year I feel so close to god as a result of the time spent there. It also give me the courage to fight those demons that make me feel worthless at times
Finally I have learned to be more kind to myself believe it or not that is also something I have never been good at. SO that being said I give myself a lot of pep talks when those sub-committees start talking to me.
I hope this helps you but I think you are a beautiful person and you will get there. In the meanwhile you gave me something to think about!! So thank you!
First of all hugs coming your way and bravo for realizing that you do not take care of yourself. Sometimes we get so busy in our lives that we neglect ourselves. And as previously said I also do a few things that are non-negotiable:
I always make time to get an hour of exercise in usually in the mornings.
I also do not leave the house without make up on. My staples are eyeliner, mascara and a light day wear lipstick.
In the summertime I usually get pedicures and paint my own nails and toe nails. I am worth $30 every 2 weeks!!
I also volunteer time at my temple and that makes me feel so good. In the past year I feel so close to god as a result of the time spent there. It also give me the courage to fight those demons that make me feel worthless at times
Finally I have learned to be more kind to myself believe it or not that is also something I have never been good at. SO that being said I give myself a lot of pep talks when those sub-committees start talking to me.
I hope this helps you but I think you are a beautiful person and you will get there. In the meanwhile you gave me something to think about!! So thank you!
-Shilpa
People comment on my over 100 pound weight loss and attribute it to my WILLpower, but it is my WANTpower: I WANT to be thin and healthy more than anything else!
Shilpa thanks for your post. I love that you said those subc-committees start talking to you. I love that. you get it. Really one of the biggest tools to long term success i believe is learning how to talk back to that sub-committee. :)
Thanks for sharing your self care rituals. I think alot of mine has to do with " no self love" but also I am going to blame ADD. I have a hard time transitioning from one thing to another, and I have often used food in the past to fill that purpose now I cant as easily. Also the ADD causes me to be impulsive and less structured Hence no real bed time ritual or structured and consistent self care.
No judgement of myself it is just a fact about myself I have learned and now need to change to continue my journey....once again the people on this lovely board are helping me out with this.
Thanks for sharing your self care rituals. I think alot of mine has to do with " no self love" but also I am going to blame ADD. I have a hard time transitioning from one thing to another, and I have often used food in the past to fill that purpose now I cant as easily. Also the ADD causes me to be impulsive and less structured Hence no real bed time ritual or structured and consistent self care.
No judgement of myself it is just a fact about myself I have learned and now need to change to continue my journey....once again the people on this lovely board are helping me out with this.
This is something I can help you with! I love self care rituals!!! A lot of the things I do have already been mentioned.
I go to the salon every 6 weeks for a cut & color. I also go for waxing.
I wash my face in the morning and at night and use a great moisturizer. I also make sure to use lotion so my legs and elbows aren't dry.
Lip gloss and chapstick are a must!
I like to get pedicures, but I am very ticklish so I prefer to do my own feet. I make sure I buy good quality polishes. I do my own nails - helps to keep my hands busy.
Of course you already no that I am an 'exercise freak' as Dr. B called me... so I make sure to get some kind of exercise everyday. While I am injured I just do a lot of stretching and ice but making the time is important.
I make sure I talk to my family everyday. It might be through a text to a niece or a phone call to my dad but it is important to me.
I like to look 'cute.' Shocker... I like to shop! I am on a mission to find the cutest pair of flip flops before I go back to Florida in a few weeks.
I make sure to add a splash of color - something I never did before losing weight. I only wore black before.
I never leave the house without looking together - hair, makeup, outfit , jewelry and perfume.
I talk to my friends... through chat, email or text. They are a huge part of me.
I have started to make a list of all the things I am thankful for - it gives me a different perspective on life. I have learned that I am very fortunate. I have learned not to take life too seriously and to have more fun. Reflecting on the list reminds me how good I have it.
Spiritually, I forgive... sometimes I have a hard time forgetting though and if you forgive you are suppose to forget.
I eat healthy foods (most of the time) because I feel better. I have even cut back on coffee!
I go to the salon every 6 weeks for a cut & color. I also go for waxing.
I wash my face in the morning and at night and use a great moisturizer. I also make sure to use lotion so my legs and elbows aren't dry.
Lip gloss and chapstick are a must!
I like to get pedicures, but I am very ticklish so I prefer to do my own feet. I make sure I buy good quality polishes. I do my own nails - helps to keep my hands busy.
Of course you already no that I am an 'exercise freak' as Dr. B called me... so I make sure to get some kind of exercise everyday. While I am injured I just do a lot of stretching and ice but making the time is important.
I make sure I talk to my family everyday. It might be through a text to a niece or a phone call to my dad but it is important to me.
I like to look 'cute.' Shocker... I like to shop! I am on a mission to find the cutest pair of flip flops before I go back to Florida in a few weeks.
I make sure to add a splash of color - something I never did before losing weight. I only wore black before.
I never leave the house without looking together - hair, makeup, outfit , jewelry and perfume.
I talk to my friends... through chat, email or text. They are a huge part of me.
I have started to make a list of all the things I am thankful for - it gives me a different perspective on life. I have learned that I am very fortunate. I have learned not to take life too seriously and to have more fun. Reflecting on the list reminds me how good I have it.
Spiritually, I forgive... sometimes I have a hard time forgetting though and if you forgive you are suppose to forget.
I eat healthy foods (most of the time) because I feel better. I have even cut back on coffee!
You can't measure your achievements with someone else's yardstick!
Revision from lapband to RNY 12/26/17 with Dr. Caitlin Halbert
HW 260 SW 248 CW 154 GW 145
Gallbladder removed 9/18
Beth
I am not a good one for this either. I don't have much of a routine for me. I do however
1) pack my food for work (breakfast, lunch and 2 snacks) almost every day
2) I stop for either a decaf coffee or decaf tea on my way to work
3) I don't do makeup and I wear pony tails for work (safety and ease)
4) everynight I take my shower and lotion up, I have horrible dry skin.
5) I brush my teeth in the shower at night - easier to remember for me then.
6) At night I sit in bed and watch TV, drink the last of my fluids, have a light snack and take my vitamins
7) I have certain times where I just stop and pet the kitties - they relieve SO much stress
8) Pillows - I bought good pillows when we got married, I'l talking $80 each (It almost killed me) foam pillows - they stay cool - I hate a hot pillow. I also splured on a good set of sateen sheets that are the best washed and smell like dryer sheets! I got them at Marshalls and while still about $50 - well worth it!
9) I always buy a good pair of "everyday" sneakers - yes I will spend $70 on them because my back and legs thank me every day\
10) my electric blanket! I warm it up a good 30 minutes before I go to bed at night
11) I try to cook what I want - when I want
I would love to go for regular massages but it isn't in the finances. I do go to the chiropractor every week, she is a lifesaver!
Hope that this helps! I know that I am going to be even less focused on me once the baby comes but right now Chris, my Mom and to an extent I am forcing myself to slow down
Ah Nicole, you ask the best questions and share the most key insights. Thank you, again, for your generous willingness to share in your journey.
Before surgery, I practiced VERY little self-care. My haircuts were designed for ease of care, so that I didn't have to spend time on myself. I wore no makeup, and typically wore "easy" clothes every day - jeans and clothes that I could "hide" in. I felt guilty for taking any time to care for myself, preferring to spend time, money, and effort on those around me.
After surgery, I realized that that lack of self-care was part of the reason I had a weight problem all my life - I had a lot of self-dislike (I won't go quite as far as self-hatred) and had (still have) a lot of issue of feeling worthy, good enough, etc. I started working on my presentation of myself - and also tried to identify a number of things I could do to start caring for myself. Over time, the list has evolved, and not all of it came from conscious "self-care" -- some just evolved out of necessity.
Here are my self-care steps...
* Every night, I pack my food for the next day. This is a necessity, both so that my day's nutrition is planned and so that I can get out of the house in time to exercise in the morning.
* Every night, I plan my clothes for the next day (again, so I can get out of the house in time to go to the gym) - I can take the time to put together an outfit that looks the way I want it to.
* Every night, I wash my face to remove my makeup, then put on a good night cream. If I don't get the makeup off, my skin will break out and be horrible for days. It's a necessity, but it also feels good.
* Every day now, I wear makeup - it's a little step that makes me feel a bit prettier and more "finished" - as I started being able to actually SEE my bone structure and facial structure, I wanted to make it look nicer.
* I make an effort to not go out of the house looking sloppy any more. I've worked damned hard to get here, so I might as well FEEL like I'm rocking it. Nicely fitting clothes and a great pair of shoes are easier now and are really not that tough to achieve.
* I am wiccan, so my spiritual life revolves more around nature and the interconnectedness of life than about going to a gathering or service. I try to find the time to walk in nature, look at the sky, admire a hawk's flight, enjoy the beauty of a flower, and much more on a regular basis.
* I allow myself the "indulgence" of attending support group meetings several times a month, without feeling guilty about it. Spending that time has become a wonderful part of self-care that rejuvenates and supports a sense of community.
* I make sure that I keep up with my health maintenance - my checkups, mammogram, vitamins, etc.
* I find the time in my week to be creative and to enjoy my jewelry work, without guilt. (well, largely without guilt - still working on that part)
* I have started beginning to express to people what I need or want, instead of staying quiet and feeling resentful that they haven't fulfilled those wants and needs, while simultaneously feeling guilty for HAVING those wants and needs. Again, lots more travel needed down that road!
So i guess I'm doing more than I thought in the area of self-care.
My goals for the future, though? Here:
* Get better control over my finances, and particularly my spending
* Go to therapy and get my head around many of the things that this journey has brought to the fore.
* Get that last 10 - 15 pounds off - better discipline over my carbs and food, whijle maintaining and/or upping my exercise goals.
* Be better disciplined about spending a specific amount of time each week on jewelry work
* Get better at proactively communicating my needs and wants to the people around me.
Thank you so much for asking and for giving me the opportunity to organize and communicate my thoughts about this - bringing it to the forefront of my consciousness where I can DO some thing about it!
karen
Before surgery, I practiced VERY little self-care. My haircuts were designed for ease of care, so that I didn't have to spend time on myself. I wore no makeup, and typically wore "easy" clothes every day - jeans and clothes that I could "hide" in. I felt guilty for taking any time to care for myself, preferring to spend time, money, and effort on those around me.
After surgery, I realized that that lack of self-care was part of the reason I had a weight problem all my life - I had a lot of self-dislike (I won't go quite as far as self-hatred) and had (still have) a lot of issue of feeling worthy, good enough, etc. I started working on my presentation of myself - and also tried to identify a number of things I could do to start caring for myself. Over time, the list has evolved, and not all of it came from conscious "self-care" -- some just evolved out of necessity.
Here are my self-care steps...
* Every night, I pack my food for the next day. This is a necessity, both so that my day's nutrition is planned and so that I can get out of the house in time to exercise in the morning.
* Every night, I plan my clothes for the next day (again, so I can get out of the house in time to go to the gym) - I can take the time to put together an outfit that looks the way I want it to.
* Every night, I wash my face to remove my makeup, then put on a good night cream. If I don't get the makeup off, my skin will break out and be horrible for days. It's a necessity, but it also feels good.
* Every day now, I wear makeup - it's a little step that makes me feel a bit prettier and more "finished" - as I started being able to actually SEE my bone structure and facial structure, I wanted to make it look nicer.
* I make an effort to not go out of the house looking sloppy any more. I've worked damned hard to get here, so I might as well FEEL like I'm rocking it. Nicely fitting clothes and a great pair of shoes are easier now and are really not that tough to achieve.
* I am wiccan, so my spiritual life revolves more around nature and the interconnectedness of life than about going to a gathering or service. I try to find the time to walk in nature, look at the sky, admire a hawk's flight, enjoy the beauty of a flower, and much more on a regular basis.
* I allow myself the "indulgence" of attending support group meetings several times a month, without feeling guilty about it. Spending that time has become a wonderful part of self-care that rejuvenates and supports a sense of community.
* I make sure that I keep up with my health maintenance - my checkups, mammogram, vitamins, etc.
* I find the time in my week to be creative and to enjoy my jewelry work, without guilt. (well, largely without guilt - still working on that part)
* I have started beginning to express to people what I need or want, instead of staying quiet and feeling resentful that they haven't fulfilled those wants and needs, while simultaneously feeling guilty for HAVING those wants and needs. Again, lots more travel needed down that road!
So i guess I'm doing more than I thought in the area of self-care.
My goals for the future, though? Here:
* Get better control over my finances, and particularly my spending
* Go to therapy and get my head around many of the things that this journey has brought to the fore.
* Get that last 10 - 15 pounds off - better discipline over my carbs and food, whijle maintaining and/or upping my exercise goals.
* Be better disciplined about spending a specific amount of time each week on jewelry work
* Get better at proactively communicating my needs and wants to the people around me.
Thank you so much for asking and for giving me the opportunity to organize and communicate my thoughts about this - bringing it to the forefront of my consciousness where I can DO some thing about it!
karen
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