not much support...
When I finally made the decision to have WLS I did a ton of research without anyone knowing, because when I started to tell people (and trust me, I tell everybody everything!) I knew there were some who would support me and others who wouldn't understand. The saddest part was that my friends were the supportive ones while my family was not (outside of my husband - he has always been supportive). But I had to be strong in my conviction to have the surgery and not let a lot of negativity affect my decision.
Two of my friends and my husband accompanied me to my initial meeting and consultation at Barix where there was a general group meeting first, then my husband and I met with the surgeon alone. I am so glad my friends went because they were skeptical and scared for me, but once they heard about the stats, procedure, and how much it would improve my life they both offered their support at 150% - 2 other of my best friends were already onboard because they did research on their own - and the bottom line was I had gotten so morbidly obese that they were all very scared for my health and my life.
Sadly my older sister, who was my best friend, was the one person who was not, and still isn't, in my corner. I realize that a lot of her negativity comes from her husband and two other obese friends who do nothing but speak negatively about WLS and that's what she chooses to listen to, while her weight becomes more and more of a health issue for her.
My best advice would be if you have people who are uneducated invite them to a support group meeting somewhere - let them see and talk to other people who have had or are going to have the surgery - a lot of the time it is that they are scared for us and going through surgery - what they don't realize is that if we don't have the surgery many of us won't live much longer, or at least won't have much quality of life.
I weighed almost 400 lbs at my highest - I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, asthma, sleep apnea, arthritis and joint pain, and was on the verge of type 2 diabetes. I also have bi-lateral knee replacements which I got when I was 40 and 41. I am still considered obese by the charts, but I am off all of my medications, off my CPAP machine, exercise, and feel better than I've felt in years.
So don't let the naysayers discourage you - this is a very personal decision and while it would be wonderful to have everyone's support the one you really need to depend on thru this is yourself and your commitment to it. We're always out here for you - we can't replace mom's and sister's but we'll do our best to encourage you and help you through the tough times.
Best of luck to you!
Two of my friends and my husband accompanied me to my initial meeting and consultation at Barix where there was a general group meeting first, then my husband and I met with the surgeon alone. I am so glad my friends went because they were skeptical and scared for me, but once they heard about the stats, procedure, and how much it would improve my life they both offered their support at 150% - 2 other of my best friends were already onboard because they did research on their own - and the bottom line was I had gotten so morbidly obese that they were all very scared for my health and my life.
Sadly my older sister, who was my best friend, was the one person who was not, and still isn't, in my corner. I realize that a lot of her negativity comes from her husband and two other obese friends who do nothing but speak negatively about WLS and that's what she chooses to listen to, while her weight becomes more and more of a health issue for her.
My best advice would be if you have people who are uneducated invite them to a support group meeting somewhere - let them see and talk to other people who have had or are going to have the surgery - a lot of the time it is that they are scared for us and going through surgery - what they don't realize is that if we don't have the surgery many of us won't live much longer, or at least won't have much quality of life.
I weighed almost 400 lbs at my highest - I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, asthma, sleep apnea, arthritis and joint pain, and was on the verge of type 2 diabetes. I also have bi-lateral knee replacements which I got when I was 40 and 41. I am still considered obese by the charts, but I am off all of my medications, off my CPAP machine, exercise, and feel better than I've felt in years.
So don't let the naysayers discourage you - this is a very personal decision and while it would be wonderful to have everyone's support the one you really need to depend on thru this is yourself and your commitment to it. We're always out here for you - we can't replace mom's and sister's but we'll do our best to encourage you and help you through the tough times.
Best of luck to you!
'One shoe can change your life'...Cinderella
You are so right.
Thank you for sharing with me.
You must be a very strong woman.
I have asked my sister and mother to come to a meeting, so they could learn more about my medical reasons for having the surgery... but they have chosen not to.
I have to just stay true to my own convictions.
So good to hear that your medical problems are resolving.
Thank you, Susie
Thank you for sharing with me.
You must be a very strong woman.
I have asked my sister and mother to come to a meeting, so they could learn more about my medical reasons for having the surgery... but they have chosen not to.
I have to just stay true to my own convictions.
So good to hear that your medical problems are resolving.
Thank you, Susie
SUSIE HART -- CLARKS SUMMIT, PA
I had the support of one person during my journey .... ME!!! I've got news for you, that is the only one that matters in the middle of the night, when your reaching for that food you shouldn't have, when your driving past all those fast food places, when your in the supermarket, when your at a restaurant. If you are not there to support yourself, then all is lost. You will have to be your own best friend and guide yourself into making all the right decisions for the rest of your journey.
Some days your the dog and some days your the hydrant.
Your words ring so true...
But it does make me feel good to be able to talk to others that know exactly where I'm coming from.
First and foremost, I know that I have to be my best support and stick to my own decisions - that I make for my own personal reasons.
You're all making me feel so much stronger. You're just what I needed..
Thank you, Susie
But it does make me feel good to be able to talk to others that know exactly where I'm coming from.
First and foremost, I know that I have to be my best support and stick to my own decisions - that I make for my own personal reasons.
You're all making me feel so much stronger. You're just what I needed..
Thank you, Susie
SUSIE HART -- CLARKS SUMMIT, PA
Susie,
Just as there are many, many reasons why people choose the surgery, there are many reasons why people react negatively to supporting others who make that decision. In many cases, I believe the resistance comes from fear... fear of the unknown, fear for the other person's safety, fear of what a "thin you" will mean in the relationship, and much more.
In addition, if the family members or friends you have not received support from are obese themselves, or have been your "eating buddy," they may see your decision as a judgement of their own lives or choices, and if they're not ready to confront that in themselves, they will react negatively. (just as a drinking buddy might react negatively to someone deciding to become sober)
What you can do is to realize, as you have done, that YOU are the strength you need. Focus yourself on WHY you made this decision and keep those goals in the forefront of your mind. Communicate those drivers to your family and friends when they voice objections to you. And know when to cut off the communication so it doesn't bring you down - you don't have to do it in a bad way, just set the boundaries of communication with them. You can say something like "I would love to have your support as I go through this journey, but if you aren't able to support me then we need to not discuss it." Then stick to your guns - refuse to discuss it with them if they take a negative tack, but be open to answering any questions they have or to sharing information to inform them.
If you can, get them to some of your support meetings. I'm not sure where you live, but if you can get them to a First Saturday support meeting at Barix in Langhorne (even if it's a hike for you) we have a breakout group specifically for family/friends/supporters where they can talk with other people in the same position.
And above all, don't take their reactions to heart as judgments of YOU. Understand that their reaction is really all about their own baggage.
Hope this helps!
Karen
Just as there are many, many reasons why people choose the surgery, there are many reasons why people react negatively to supporting others who make that decision. In many cases, I believe the resistance comes from fear... fear of the unknown, fear for the other person's safety, fear of what a "thin you" will mean in the relationship, and much more.
In addition, if the family members or friends you have not received support from are obese themselves, or have been your "eating buddy," they may see your decision as a judgement of their own lives or choices, and if they're not ready to confront that in themselves, they will react negatively. (just as a drinking buddy might react negatively to someone deciding to become sober)
What you can do is to realize, as you have done, that YOU are the strength you need. Focus yourself on WHY you made this decision and keep those goals in the forefront of your mind. Communicate those drivers to your family and friends when they voice objections to you. And know when to cut off the communication so it doesn't bring you down - you don't have to do it in a bad way, just set the boundaries of communication with them. You can say something like "I would love to have your support as I go through this journey, but if you aren't able to support me then we need to not discuss it." Then stick to your guns - refuse to discuss it with them if they take a negative tack, but be open to answering any questions they have or to sharing information to inform them.
If you can, get them to some of your support meetings. I'm not sure where you live, but if you can get them to a First Saturday support meeting at Barix in Langhorne (even if it's a hike for you) we have a breakout group specifically for family/friends/supporters where they can talk with other people in the same position.
And above all, don't take their reactions to heart as judgments of YOU. Understand that their reaction is really all about their own baggage.
Hope this helps!
Karen
I find it interesting how before the surgery, few people were supportive, now afterwards, there are more positive people.
I was unaware of OH until the day of surgery. I was terrified, so I did all the negative research in advance....and in doing so, I came across this video on Youtube. This kid became my inspiration.....His video is hilarious, and he posted updates. It's truly amazing to watch.
Take a look at a this pre-surgery video....and then take a peek at the other ones. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jm_jYAuSaG0
In the end, it's about what you feel....my regret was not doing it sooner....
I was unaware of OH until the day of surgery. I was terrified, so I did all the negative research in advance....and in doing so, I came across this video on Youtube. This kid became my inspiration.....His video is hilarious, and he posted updates. It's truly amazing to watch.
Take a look at a this pre-surgery video....and then take a peek at the other ones. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jm_jYAuSaG0
In the end, it's about what you feel....my regret was not doing it sooner....
Susie,
It's good that your husband has been supportive. For those who are not supportive, stop talking to them about it. You will need your strength and the positive energy of those who are on your side. Feel free to walk away from anyone who tries to throw their negative energy your way. People tend to worry about how others' decisions will affect themselves; I guess that's normal. BUT...it's not your problem.
Stay strong. Keep coming here for your daily (or hourly, if need be) dose of support and of Susie Time!
Lisa
It's good that your husband has been supportive. For those who are not supportive, stop talking to them about it. You will need your strength and the positive energy of those who are on your side. Feel free to walk away from anyone who tries to throw their negative energy your way. People tend to worry about how others' decisions will affect themselves; I guess that's normal. BUT...it's not your problem.
Stay strong. Keep coming here for your daily (or hourly, if need be) dose of support and of Susie Time!
Lisa
"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."
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