What I deserve - long post
Well thanks to all of you for your wonderful support and comments!
The whole concept of "deserving" something is a loaded issue for me. When I was going through a divorce (back in the last century), I remember being in a therapy session and the therapist asking me, "What do you feel you deserve in your marriage?"
And I had no answer at all. Not one to be at a loss for words too often, this was a real turning point. But it's been a very challenging journey to get to the point of saying "I deserve..."
But I do. And we all do.
That is so great Lynn! Thank you for posting everything - it's really nice to read in my first week out. Reminds me that someday I will get there too =) Oh, and I'll refer back to the post when I have my tears about nothing matching or fitting when I'm in between sizes and will march right on over to the department store and feel great about shopping in the "regular" section.
congrats on all of your success!!!
congrats on all of your success!!!
High Wt/Consult Wt/Surgery Wt/Current Wt
347 341 328 170
1st Goal Wt: 225 (met 9/13/10) / 2nd Goal Wt: 200 (met 12/13/10) / 3rd Goal Wt: 190 (met 1/30/2011) / 4th Goal Wt: 180 (met 4/25/11) / After baby: 170 and holding for 8 months!
Total Weight Lost: 177!
http://wlstrusttheprocess.blogspot.com/
Trust the process....
Melissa
347 341 328 170
1st Goal Wt: 225 (met 9/13/10) / 2nd Goal Wt: 200 (met 12/13/10) / 3rd Goal Wt: 190 (met 1/30/2011) / 4th Goal Wt: 180 (met 4/25/11) / After baby: 170 and holding for 8 months!
Total Weight Lost: 177!
http://wlstrusttheprocess.blogspot.com/
Trust the process....
Melissa
Lynn,
Beautifully said and such a great realization to come to. I applaud you for taking the positive view of it - it's a journey I had a hard time with. I had exactly the same experience and feeling the first time I fit into a size 14! You captured it beautifully!
There's the celebration of finally being in "regular" sizes, followed by (for me) a panic. Now that I finally HAD choice, what woudl I do with it? How would I know what was "right" for me? Or whether I looked ridiculous - after all, Lane Bryant had been selecting my style for me for years! It's an area that I'm still very insecure about - but I'm learning! I study catalogs and style mags to try and figure out what i like and what might look good on my body type/color/age... trying to consciously develop a "personal style" for the first time in my life.
I still struggle daily with feeling that I "deserve" this... still feel guilty for taking time and money to go to the gym... buy most of my clothes at thrifts or consignments or on clearance because I feel bad about taking household money for "me"... But I'm getting better slowly at it. And I have started to recognize it.
Your insights triggered for me a connection. Many of us (particularly overweight women) spend our time "giving"... we sacrifice for our families, our friends, our work, and much more. We look to the needs of others before looking to ourselves. In doing so, we deprive ourselves of the self-care we need to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit - and our internal conflicts about that (conscious or otherwise) fuels our dis-ordered eating. Now that we've decided to tackle the eating, we have to confront our feelings of not deserving the time, money, care, love, or whatever... and you've given me (and a lot of other people) some wonderful AFFIRMATIONS that we can use to help confront and combat that mindset.
I deserve happiness.
I deserve healthiness.
THANK YOU, my dear, for eloquently pointing it out!
Karen
Beautifully said and such a great realization to come to. I applaud you for taking the positive view of it - it's a journey I had a hard time with. I had exactly the same experience and feeling the first time I fit into a size 14! You captured it beautifully!
There's the celebration of finally being in "regular" sizes, followed by (for me) a panic. Now that I finally HAD choice, what woudl I do with it? How would I know what was "right" for me? Or whether I looked ridiculous - after all, Lane Bryant had been selecting my style for me for years! It's an area that I'm still very insecure about - but I'm learning! I study catalogs and style mags to try and figure out what i like and what might look good on my body type/color/age... trying to consciously develop a "personal style" for the first time in my life.
I still struggle daily with feeling that I "deserve" this... still feel guilty for taking time and money to go to the gym... buy most of my clothes at thrifts or consignments or on clearance because I feel bad about taking household money for "me"... But I'm getting better slowly at it. And I have started to recognize it.
Your insights triggered for me a connection. Many of us (particularly overweight women) spend our time "giving"... we sacrifice for our families, our friends, our work, and much more. We look to the needs of others before looking to ourselves. In doing so, we deprive ourselves of the self-care we need to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit - and our internal conflicts about that (conscious or otherwise) fuels our dis-ordered eating. Now that we've decided to tackle the eating, we have to confront our feelings of not deserving the time, money, care, love, or whatever... and you've given me (and a lot of other people) some wonderful AFFIRMATIONS that we can use to help confront and combat that mindset.
I deserve happiness.
I deserve healthiness.
THANK YOU, my dear, for eloquently pointing it out!
Karen
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