What I deserve - long post

One of the most striking stories of my own pre surgery deprivation goes back to last winter. My winter coat was too small. Another coat was totally worn out. But...I was so big I didn't want to invest money in a new coat in the size that I really wore, and no coat looked decent anyway. Buying a coat would challenge my denial too badly. So I deprived myself of a new coat, and got throuh the winter in my raincoat and a Lands End squall jacket which was a men's size XL. (Fortunately I don't think we had as many cold days as we are having right now).

Now, I enjoy shopping for new clothes and have kind of developed a system of what I need as I move into each size - sort of a formula approach. With Goodwill and consignment stores, plus a few remaining smaller items from my own closet, I've done okay without spending a ridiculous amount.

Yesterday, though, I attended a funeral and realized that my smallest basic suit (used for work, church, any "good" event) was too big. The jacket didn't just button - it wrapped around me. The skirt hung well below my waist. I decided to browse some sales and replace the suit pronto, because I just don't have that many "staple" items left right now that fit. (And I admit, some of my shopping fnds have been in sizes I'm still hoping to reach.) In fact, my husband told me to get a new pair of shoes too, because the ones I was wearing were way too big and almost falling off my feet.

Now, I've bought a few things in size 12 over the past month (a pair of jeans, a pair of black slacks), but I had pretty much convinced myself that the reason those 12's fit was that a certain brand "runs big", and that I was probably really a 16 or so.

But last night, trying on suits, I found that I really AM a size 12!  I tried on clothes in 3 or 4 different brands (at the mall, not at a consignment store) - all 12's and all fit! This meant I had CHOICES! I could get the store brand, which was really marked down....or I could get the high end outfit with the great tailoring....or I could add a pair of contrasting slacks. IT ALL FIT AND I COULD CHOOSE WHAT I WANTED TO BUY!

It was like a shake me by the shoulders wake up call. I realized that when I was heavier (and I'm not at my goal  now, by about 50 lbs.), I did not have choices. I bought clothes NOT because I liked them, but because they fit (sort of)...and not because they looked  nice, because nothing did.

When I lined up the options last night, I chose a very nicely made suit that was on sale, but not the cheapest one. I debated, realizing it won't fit me forever - but decided that I DESERVE TO LOOK MY BEST NOW...not just in the future.

I deserve to enjoy being a size 12, not just holding my breath until I'm a 10, or an 8, or whatever.

I deserve to feel good about my body and what I put on it.

I deserve to wear clothes and shoes that fit.

I deserve to have options in life - clothing is just a minor example of how those options play out.

I deserve every moment of gratification that comes as a result of the work I am doing.

I deserve the compliments that come my way.

I deserve the time that it takes to work out, plan meals, and shop appropriately for food that nourishes my body.

And yes, I deserve that winter coat that's in the closet this year. The one that buttons, even when I have a blazer on underneath.

By far one of the most fabulous posts of recent!

Congratulations not only on the size 12 and whatever other sizes may come your way - but on starting to wrap your head around part of this process.  Shauna's signature line is something about "deprivation ended on...." and that's what this post sums up.

No more deprivation for you!!!!

Keep on successing!!!

What an awesome post to read first thing in the morning.

You deserve all of those things Lynn.. enjoy them!!!!!

Thanks for posting and congrats on the 12's!!

Wow.  Really nice.  Wow.

Just have a big smile for you........

Good post Lynn !  Thanks for sharing with us.
Lisa

GREAT POST!!!
Congrats and you DO DESERVE IT!!!

Now... we need a pic of you in one of your fab new outfits!!

Liz

Beautiful post and I applaud you for realizing that you ARE worth NEW clothes - and the compliments and everything else wonderful that is coming your way - I'm not at my original goal either, and maybe never will be - but I am 150% healthier than I've ever been - I can go into almost any store and buy off the rack - I feel GOOD in my clothes now - and isn't that the most important thing?

Congratulations on being so successful and finally realizing that you are worth it!!

WOW... I have never seen it put into words better.  Yes, you do deserve all these things and more.  Your doing a great job and I'm going to remember this post the next time I go shopping.  We do deserve these things as we are striving to reach our goals. 

 

NOW... you should put that lovely suit on and have your DH take a picture and put it on here so we all can see how truly beautiful you look in it!

Lynn this is the first post I have ever pushed myself away from my desk and shouted BRAVO!  wow that was beautiful and I always say on these boards to be kind to yourself!  I'm very proud of your success you have worked hard to get there so enjoy the clothes and new wardrobe.  Also go to thrift shops google them theres a whole lot of them out there consignment shops cost more as they are on consignment from their previous owner looking to sell them and regroup.  Enjoy your new wardrobe and more importantly your hard earned success you DESERVE it.