last night's appointment with the therapist--kinda long
I promise I will not post updates every time I go to her. But, I had some eye opening things happen yesterday/last night so I thought I'd share.
The past few days have been pretty crappy for me. I've been in this whatever you want to call it with my "friend".. wouldn't say relationship, but whatever it was. friends with benefits? guess so.. anyway.. yesterday he decided AGAIN, that this wasn't working out and we should only be friends and not talk every day like we've been and not sleep together anymore. The past few times he was here, I was thinking the same thing. It wasn't working out. He is spoiled, likes to be waited on and if he has an opinion about something and you don't agree then he gets all crabby and stuff. SO, I should have been happy that he told me yesterday that it was over. BUT, instead I got all down on myself over the rejection and the knowledge that I will be alone AGAIN.
Fast forward to last night's appointment: told her about this, about things going on with Siehara and my shyness when with a group of new people -- YES it's true, I can be shy with new people.
She asked me if I was afraid to be right and if I didn't think it was okay to be right. She's right. I guess I've been shot down so many times for expressing my opinion (mostly by my ex husband) that I don't feel that it's okay for me to be right anymore. I need to realize that what I feel is OK and I need to stand up for what I believe in. Like in the instance with my "friend". I will NOT let him come back into my life in that way. It is not healthy for me and it's okay and probably better for me to be alone right now while I straighten out everything else in my life.
Before my appointment yesterday, Siehara dropped a magnet from the fridge. It went under the stove and when I told her to get it out, she said that she couldn't reach it and if she went under with a broom, she would just pu**** further back. I told her to try. Then she said to me "why can't you just get it?" Well, since I was already in such a great mood because of what happened with my friend, I flipped out on her and yelled and said "because you're the one who dropped it". Then of course she wanted to know why I was yelling at her. I stopped in my tracks and realized she did nothing wrong. I apologized to her and went in my room and just cried. When I calmed down, I went back and apologized to her again and gave her a big hug.
When I told the therapist about this incident, she told me that I handled it appropriately and that I am human and make mistakes.. who would've thunk? I just feel so bad that I always seem to let out my frustration on Siehara. I am starting to wonder if she really has as many issues as I think she has or is it me? I know she has issues and her meds are helping, but are they really as bad as they seem?
Regarding me and my loneliness.. I need to get out of the house and do social stuff more often. I am going to make more of an effort to talk to people at the gym. I am going to try to get in touch with old friends. Also, I spoke with my boss yesterday about possibly going into the office every now and then.. or even once a week, just so I can be around people and not feel so isolated. She is okay with this and is working with the appropriate person in the Allentown office to try to find me a place to sit. This will help a LOT.. as you know I am a pretty social person (once I get to know you) and this working at home thing, although great for the most part, can kinda suck sometimes.
Anyway, I posted this because the session really helped me yesterday. I did a lot of crying, but then after she brought these things up to me.. the tears stopped and the realizations started to kick in. Maybe some of these things can help someone else in their struggle.
Thanks for reading this. You all and this board have been crucial in my successing and I consider you all my friends.
The past few days have been pretty crappy for me. I've been in this whatever you want to call it with my "friend".. wouldn't say relationship, but whatever it was. friends with benefits? guess so.. anyway.. yesterday he decided AGAIN, that this wasn't working out and we should only be friends and not talk every day like we've been and not sleep together anymore. The past few times he was here, I was thinking the same thing. It wasn't working out. He is spoiled, likes to be waited on and if he has an opinion about something and you don't agree then he gets all crabby and stuff. SO, I should have been happy that he told me yesterday that it was over. BUT, instead I got all down on myself over the rejection and the knowledge that I will be alone AGAIN.
Fast forward to last night's appointment: told her about this, about things going on with Siehara and my shyness when with a group of new people -- YES it's true, I can be shy with new people.
She asked me if I was afraid to be right and if I didn't think it was okay to be right. She's right. I guess I've been shot down so many times for expressing my opinion (mostly by my ex husband) that I don't feel that it's okay for me to be right anymore. I need to realize that what I feel is OK and I need to stand up for what I believe in. Like in the instance with my "friend". I will NOT let him come back into my life in that way. It is not healthy for me and it's okay and probably better for me to be alone right now while I straighten out everything else in my life.
Before my appointment yesterday, Siehara dropped a magnet from the fridge. It went under the stove and when I told her to get it out, she said that she couldn't reach it and if she went under with a broom, she would just pu**** further back. I told her to try. Then she said to me "why can't you just get it?" Well, since I was already in such a great mood because of what happened with my friend, I flipped out on her and yelled and said "because you're the one who dropped it". Then of course she wanted to know why I was yelling at her. I stopped in my tracks and realized she did nothing wrong. I apologized to her and went in my room and just cried. When I calmed down, I went back and apologized to her again and gave her a big hug.
When I told the therapist about this incident, she told me that I handled it appropriately and that I am human and make mistakes.. who would've thunk? I just feel so bad that I always seem to let out my frustration on Siehara. I am starting to wonder if she really has as many issues as I think she has or is it me? I know she has issues and her meds are helping, but are they really as bad as they seem?
Regarding me and my loneliness.. I need to get out of the house and do social stuff more often. I am going to make more of an effort to talk to people at the gym. I am going to try to get in touch with old friends. Also, I spoke with my boss yesterday about possibly going into the office every now and then.. or even once a week, just so I can be around people and not feel so isolated. She is okay with this and is working with the appropriate person in the Allentown office to try to find me a place to sit. This will help a LOT.. as you know I am a pretty social person (once I get to know you) and this working at home thing, although great for the most part, can kinda suck sometimes.
Anyway, I posted this because the session really helped me yesterday. I did a lot of crying, but then after she brought these things up to me.. the tears stopped and the realizations started to kick in. Maybe some of these things can help someone else in their struggle.
Thanks for reading this. You all and this board have been crucial in my successing and I consider you all my friends.
My tracker
hers 
So glad you had a productive visit. And OMG..........I think you and I are cloned. So many things you have said are exactly me. I don't know if that makes you feel better or worse, but you are defintely not alone.
Good luck with future appts with her and I am so happy you "realized" some important things.
Good luck with future appts with her and I am so happy you "realized" some important things.
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila & salt and give me a call!
please post about every visit if you'd like to!
I think also that you handled the issue with Siehara rather appropriately. MAybe the yelling was a little exagerated but she shouldn't expect you to do something just because she thinks she can't
*hugs* you are going to do great!
Oh and definately your "Friends" loss - schmuck!
I think also that you handled the issue with Siehara rather appropriately. MAybe the yelling was a little exagerated but she shouldn't expect you to do something just because she thinks she can't
*hugs* you are going to do great!
Oh and definately your "Friends" loss - schmuck!
So glad to hear you had a good visit yesterday. We all make mistakes. I think they call that being human, hell I've made my share.
You should get out more... and that guy; drop him by the wayside. Your bright, witty, outgoing, and beautiful... inside and out. Someone is going to be very lucky to meet you and get to know you. Even let you be right once in awhile.
Gee... do men actually do that? hmmm...
Deb
Lisa there is a lot of insight here.
I work at home most of the time and it IS very isolating. Not that my office is a hotbed of social activity (kind of a wierd environment actually), but working at home has its drawbacks as well as its benefits. I also find that sometimes my own productivity is lower at home, and I am more easily distracted.
When I was single, I made it a point to actively and aggressively LOOK FOR social activities that I could get involved in. I called them "punctuation marks on the calendar" and looked forward to them even if they were only once a month. Granted, my kids were out of the house, but you can find some cool things that will put you into more social settings to meet more people. The gym is a great start, and you do have friends from synagogue. For me, I got into the acoustic/folk music scene which is very family friendly, and gave me the chance to go to a lot of excellent shows. The audiences there are usually small, so it was easy to talk to people.
Do you project our own issues onto our kids? Yeah, we probably do....but I wouldn't take 100% of the ownership there either. Sounds like you and Siehara worked it out well, and honestly it's very healthy for her to know and see that her mom has feelings and makes mistakes.
As for expressing opinions - this gets to the "friend" issue. Be very careful not to allow friends into your life who take advantage of you or your friendship simply because it seems better than being alone. This guy is a jerk. Honestly? I wouldn't dabble with friendship with him at any level (but I'm pretty bad about writing people off). Aim for quality. Aim for someone with whom you are free to express your opinions. Aim for a life where you are not walking on eggshells.
Sounds like you have an excellent therapist in place. Don't hesitate to post if it helps you debrief your sessions. Processing things with words can be a big help.
I work at home most of the time and it IS very isolating. Not that my office is a hotbed of social activity (kind of a wierd environment actually), but working at home has its drawbacks as well as its benefits. I also find that sometimes my own productivity is lower at home, and I am more easily distracted.
When I was single, I made it a point to actively and aggressively LOOK FOR social activities that I could get involved in. I called them "punctuation marks on the calendar" and looked forward to them even if they were only once a month. Granted, my kids were out of the house, but you can find some cool things that will put you into more social settings to meet more people. The gym is a great start, and you do have friends from synagogue. For me, I got into the acoustic/folk music scene which is very family friendly, and gave me the chance to go to a lot of excellent shows. The audiences there are usually small, so it was easy to talk to people.
Do you project our own issues onto our kids? Yeah, we probably do....but I wouldn't take 100% of the ownership there either. Sounds like you and Siehara worked it out well, and honestly it's very healthy for her to know and see that her mom has feelings and makes mistakes.
As for expressing opinions - this gets to the "friend" issue. Be very careful not to allow friends into your life who take advantage of you or your friendship simply because it seems better than being alone. This guy is a jerk. Honestly? I wouldn't dabble with friendship with him at any level (but I'm pretty bad about writing people off). Aim for quality. Aim for someone with whom you are free to express your opinions. Aim for a life where you are not walking on eggshells.
Sounds like you have an excellent therapist in place. Don't hesitate to post if it helps you debrief your sessions. Processing things with words can be a big help.
Lisa
I'm not great at giving out advice/insight, so I'll send you a big hug. You are such a nice person and you deserve happiness. Keep going to therapy. It sounds like you are getting a lot out of it. Tears are good - sometimes they can help wash the troubles away and give you an opportunity to start anew.
Lisa
I'm not great at giving out advice/insight, so I'll send you a big hug. You are such a nice person and you deserve happiness. Keep going to therapy. It sounds like you are getting a lot out of it. Tears are good - sometimes they can help wash the troubles away and give you an opportunity to start anew.
Lisa
good job I am glad you are looking at every angle. The fact you are willing to say " is it really me and not sierra? Is a good thing. Also the decision to be a lone for a bit....HUGE Decisions and KUDDOS. You need to do some work to be the Type of woman who attracks the TYPE of man you want If that makes sense. When you are Lisa 2.0 those type of men woould not dare approach you.
I am really bad with making new friends. I want new friends but find it hard to put myself out there. It’s like being rejected by a guy…so I just don’t make new friends. I also find that I get anxiety about social situations and guess that’s why I only went to Liz’s cooking class once. I had to bring my (now ex) friend with me to help calm my nerves. I guess that is why I drink wine when I’m at social functions. Anyway. I’m glad things are going good and keep up the good work. I even have anxiety about posting here sometimes...I'm nuts.
If you ever want to hang out....just let me know.
5'9 and a size 6...I love my tool.
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