a bathing suit wow?!?! Can it be?!?!
As many of you know I am headed to the Great Wolf Lodge tonight with my family. It is a huge indoor water park. So as I was packing last night, I was looking for a bathing suit that a friend had given to me last summer. I am an avid swimmer and have always swam, even at my heaviest, there are actually pictures of me on facebook from summers past in all my glory....So - as I was seraching for the bathing suit I started to panic as I couldn't find it and I knew that the old one I had was WAY too big - a size 22 from the summer. (couldn't find it anyway) So I decided that I would just wear shorts and a t-shirt, I then realized that I don't have any shorts that fit me, they too are all to big. Last time I wore shorts, I was an 18. So, the panic increased thinking that I would have to rummage through whatever crap Wal-Mart had as that is the only store close enough to my school that I could get to during my lunch and i would wear whatever they had as I always did when I needed to buy a bathing suit. After all, even skinny people don't like to buy bathing suits.
So, at midnight, when I thought all was lost, I was going through two drawers that I forgot to clean out and was full of all the 16 and 18 capris that I wore in the fall, and lo and behold under all of that was the bathing suit that I was looking for. So - I tried it on, and except that I REALLY need a bra with it, it lays so nice and I am NOT even a little self-conscience wearing it - well, I wasn't in the privacy of my own home, we will see how it goes this week.
I have been spending a lot of time looking at myself lately, mostly because I am in utter amazement every time I walk past a mirror. I think to myself, there is NO WAY that face goes with that body. I have always felt that I had pretty good self-esteem, but I can honestly say that I have NEVER felt this good about being in my body. The words little and petite have come out of people's mouths with reference to me.
I am still struggling with food choices, and will continue to talk about things to work through this recovery, but I am amazed at how far I have come in such a short period of time and know that my mom is smiling at me and is soooo proud of my efforts! (And, even after the 2.5 years she has been gone, is still my number one hero, support and fan!)
Thanks so much for allowing me to have this forum to put into words the best I can my deepest feelings! You are all sooooo much part of this journey for me! You are my pillars! :)
So, at midnight, when I thought all was lost, I was going through two drawers that I forgot to clean out and was full of all the 16 and 18 capris that I wore in the fall, and lo and behold under all of that was the bathing suit that I was looking for. So - I tried it on, and except that I REALLY need a bra with it, it lays so nice and I am NOT even a little self-conscience wearing it - well, I wasn't in the privacy of my own home, we will see how it goes this week.
I have been spending a lot of time looking at myself lately, mostly because I am in utter amazement every time I walk past a mirror. I think to myself, there is NO WAY that face goes with that body. I have always felt that I had pretty good self-esteem, but I can honestly say that I have NEVER felt this good about being in my body. The words little and petite have come out of people's mouths with reference to me.
I am still struggling with food choices, and will continue to talk about things to work through this recovery, but I am amazed at how far I have come in such a short period of time and know that my mom is smiling at me and is soooo proud of my efforts! (And, even after the 2.5 years she has been gone, is still my number one hero, support and fan!)
Thanks so much for allowing me to have this forum to put into words the best I can my deepest feelings! You are all sooooo much part of this journey for me! You are my pillars! :)
Steffi. . .
How happy I am for you and I understand the looking in the mirror more because you can't believe how you look. And the pride in feeling better in the clothes you put on now. There were and still are times I look and see the old me there, but I've chosen to take that and make it something positive, in that like you lately I have had some struggles with food choices and so when I look in the mirror and do not like what I see, it reminds me that this is not a one stop destination, but a daily recommitment to what will keep me where I am. . . I am going to do the 5 day pouch test at the beginning of January, just a need to recommit and get totally back to living the life that works and now I have a new walking partner in Roxie, so that will be good too!
So congrats and enjoy your vacation!
Hugs, Laureen
How happy I am for you and I understand the looking in the mirror more because you can't believe how you look. And the pride in feeling better in the clothes you put on now. There were and still are times I look and see the old me there, but I've chosen to take that and make it something positive, in that like you lately I have had some struggles with food choices and so when I look in the mirror and do not like what I see, it reminds me that this is not a one stop destination, but a daily recommitment to what will keep me where I am. . . I am going to do the 5 day pouch test at the beginning of January, just a need to recommit and get totally back to living the life that works and now I have a new walking partner in Roxie, so that will be good too!
So congrats and enjoy your vacation!
Hugs, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
On December 23, 2009 at 9:25 AM Pacific Time, Arlene E. wrote:
Steff
Have a great time and enjoy all that you have accomplished.
What - no chinese food and movies for XMAS?
OMG that is totally my Christmas! Being here in the hospital I have two choices...take out or cafeteria food. I am opting for Chinese delivered to my room!!!!
Mom was going to come down and spend the day, but with forecast we opted against it. In fact, none of that side of my family is celebrating Christmas. We are waiting until I bring Alastrina home from the hospital and having a Christmas/welcome home dinner.
Arlene-- one of the synagogues here is having Kosher Chinese and movies tomorrow night!! We are SOOO there. AND, I'll probably take my daughter to the movies on Friday. Gotta love the Jewish traditions. Did you ever see this video?
www.youtube.com/watch
www.youtube.com/watch
My tracker
hers 
Oh Steffi, I am SO happy for you to have had such a wonderful set of WOW moments. You are doing so well and really rockin' the tool. As you said, this is one step on the journey of continued successing.
At the last meeting we were talking about a lot of things to do with body image and how our brains really do have a hard time catching up to where our bodies are. There are days when I can't see anything but the old, fat me. There are other days when I start to catch glimpses of my new shape. I got some great advice at that meeting - several people said to take every opportunity to look in the mirror (or better yet, look at pictures because mirrors distort and our eyes lie) and really study the new look. The theory being the more you look, the more you start to "own" it. For those who (like me) spent a lifetime avoiding mirrors and cameras and actively hiding from the world to avoid notice, that's a radical and uncomfortable thing to do.
But enjoy and savor every moment looking at that new shape of yours. It's gorgeous and a fitting reflection of the gorgeous girl inside!
HUGS! and hopefully we'll see you on the 2nd! And post pics in the suit!
Karen
At the last meeting we were talking about a lot of things to do with body image and how our brains really do have a hard time catching up to where our bodies are. There are days when I can't see anything but the old, fat me. There are other days when I start to catch glimpses of my new shape. I got some great advice at that meeting - several people said to take every opportunity to look in the mirror (or better yet, look at pictures because mirrors distort and our eyes lie) and really study the new look. The theory being the more you look, the more you start to "own" it. For those who (like me) spent a lifetime avoiding mirrors and cameras and actively hiding from the world to avoid notice, that's a radical and uncomfortable thing to do.
But enjoy and savor every moment looking at that new shape of yours. It's gorgeous and a fitting reflection of the gorgeous girl inside!
HUGS! and hopefully we'll see you on the 2nd! And post pics in the suit!
Karen
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