Help I'm a food addict---LONG POST

This is long and all over the place, so please bear with me... I am also making this a blog on my profile so I can look back on this when I need to.

As a lot of you know, I have been struggling through a stall for several months.  In the beginning, I could not pinpoint what was going on.  I was doing pretty much the same thing I had been doing when I was losing.  I tried to change up my food and my exercise and nothing changed. 

 

I know part of my issue is the hormonal stuff going on with being on the Depo Provera.  This should be out of my system in the next few weeks and hopefully that will help some.  BUT, I need to be accountable for my actions.  I am addicted to food.  I like to eat.  There are times when I feel that I cannot stop eating and my pouch is not stopping me.  I am still not eating pasta, rice or bread.  BUT, SF cookies, protein bars and stupid peanut butter have become major trigger foods for me.  I cannot eat just one.  If I have a protein bar for breakfast, it does not squash the craving, it only seems to make me want more sweet stuff throughout the day.  I tried putting the treats in the freezer thinking that would slow me down.. NOT.. I just pull them out and eat them from there.  I cannot have these types of things in my house because I will eat them.

 

I have been feeling very tired lately and could not figure out why.  I thought it was from work and the stress of that and of the things going on in my life.  BUT, I think it’s been a non-stop carb coma.  The cookies have carbs, the protein bars have carbs and the dang peanut butter has carbs.   This is also affecting my time spent in the gym.  I am still going, but not as often and not working out as hard.

 

I know what I SHOULD be doing.  I just can’t get myself to do it.  I have been drinking a lot of decaf coffee thinking it was ok and counting as my liquids—which it does, BUT I always put SF creamer in it.. more carbs and more calories.

 

I am really having a hard time.  I’m not sure what to do about it.  I want to get that book that everyone talks about “Diary of a Food Addict".  Maybe that will help me.  I am also going to look into finding a mental health professional who deals in eating disorders.  I’ve said it before, but I need to do this before I start gaining weight.  At this point, I’m just not losing. 

 

I go to the surgeon on Thursday, so I will also see what he says.  He probably has the name of a psych and a nut who I can use.   But, as you know, I don’t really agree with much of what he says.  So, we’ll see how that goes.

 

Sorry to drag on so long, but I needed to get this out for me.  Maybe by putting it all out there, I can take responsibility for myself and finally do something about it.

Hugs, Lisa... I'm right there with you, girl.

The book is "Anatomy of a Food Addiction" by Anne Katherine.  It's WELL worth reading to understand the physiology (and psychology) of what's going on in your body with the addiction.  It's helped me understand it, which is giving me better tools to fight it.  Doesn't mean that I succeed all the time - as I posted on Monday, this was NOT a good weekend in terms of the fight against the addiction - WAAAAAYYY too many carbs and sugar alcohols.  Yes, I was in pain from it and felt bad from it, but did it stop me?  Nope.  ARGH.  I hate having "addict brain."  Now I'm trying to detox from it (again) and to get myself back on track.  (as Steffi would say - see how I made that all about ME?... but that's just to say "you're NOT alone!")

You've taken the very big and very scary first step of becoming aware of your problem and triggers... and publicly acknowledging them.  So you've now mobilized your support system to help you in any way we can.  Working with a therapist is a great idea - find one that's knowledgeable about WLS and food addiction issues, if at all possible.  

Keep talking to us, try journaling your food honestly and accurately, and work on getting "back to basics."  PLAN your daily food (maybe do Liz's "sticking to the basics" thread religiously for a while) and then keep yourself accountable to that plan - document when you go 'off plan' and WHY you felt the need to go off your daily plan (for example - "stress eating" or "yogurt tasted awful - got toast instead" or whatever).  Looking back at those notes may show you a pattern that you can identify what's 'really' bugging you.

You know you can call me any time if you want to talk through any of this, too... I find that sometimes talking about the need for a "binge" can help me resist the urge or minimize the damage.

karen

Thanks for the support Karen.  It was so easy in the beginning.  I stuck to the plan and I felt satisfied. I barely had any cravings and didn't seem to stress eat.  I was too afraid to mess it up.  Now, it seems that I am able to eat more and eat more things and quite frankly it sucks.  I stuck all those cookies in the freezer.  I will pull some of them out on Saturday for when my step mom and sister are here for Hanukkah.  I was going to make a choc/pb pie, too, but I think that I won't.  None of us need the crap and nobody will miss it.  The cookies will be good enough.

You are not alone I feel you! I'm  right thier with you!! My name is Nicole and I'm food Addict! It was nothing for me before WLS to eat whole bag pf cookies or whole can of pringles. Even now I have to stop myself cause even with the fills in my band it takes so long for me to feel full I know what you mean. Thank you for shareing your problem you are not alone. Last night I had to fight that head hunger to eat something I do as well plan to buy that book you are talking about.

We're going to have to fight this together Nicki.

We can do it. Hopefully Sawyna will have something meaningful to say to me tomorrow.  I am trying to stay positive.  He knows what he's doing

Hang in there LIsa.  I think many of us have been where you are many times throughout our journey.  IT's definately not a fun time.

The past few weeks I have been all over the place with my eating.  The other day I didn't eat hardly at all, didn't realize it until I was literally shaking from hypoglycemia and then couldn't get the food in me fast enough and ended up over eating.

And then tonight...I didn't STOP eating for most of the 2/3 of the beginning of the shift.  And it was crap food.  Pure crap.  I know what I can eat as far as sugar is concerned without dumping (BAD BAD BAD thing to know) so I've had a TON of regular sugar cookies tonight (a ton = 4 or 5 I guess over the course of 9 hours)  I was gonna put up a post about this....but decided to jump in here.

I realized what I was doing (it was all stress related) and stopped myself - but I honestly don't know for "how long"  Good news is that I ate my steak and now feel satisfied - both physically and emotionally. 

I haven't formally worked out in I can't tell you how long.....

Definately a long struggle and will continue to be...however....together we'll get through it!

Pam

I am glad that I am still too scared to try real sugar.  I'd be in up to my knees if I did that.  I am not sure what it is going to take to satisfy me physically or emotionally.  That is where I am hoping the book will help.  I ordered it last night, but it is back ordered, so I will have to wait.  I also ordered the Beck book that everyone has been reading/working with.  Something's gotta help.  I know it will!

first *hugs* you are taking the right steps.

2nd: I agree with KAren start posting on our sticking to the basics thread. Then at the end of the day come back and update it with what you ACTUALLY ate. Then you aren't only being accountable to yourself but you have "witnesses" if you will. If you don't want to put it out there e-mail it to me each evening.

I have no exercise advice as that is my vice, I don't do it - plain and simple. I have 100 good reasons but none are good enough.

Hang in there - you can do this! Unfortunately no one ever said it would be easy!!

Liz

I am going to try to post on the basics thread.. you know I try this and can't keep up the commitment.  I think I did it for 3 days before. So, I will commit to 4 days this week!  one day at a time, right?!?!

Lisa wish i had more time to post I i will try and post more later.

You are NOT alone in this,  I would venture to say that over 60% of us obese persons are food addicts. You are right at the point where the weight loss becomes less effortless in becomes more about what we do and how we use our tool. this is the point when we freak out LOL.
We have not been able to conquer the emotional eating and addiction in the past and now we are faced with it again.

Counseling is a good thing, find someone who understands addiction and food issues and can use cognitive behavioral techniques to help you combat the addictive behaviors. The surgery is on our stomach only. We have to do the other work and it is hard.

There is nothing wrong or unusual about where you are. This is a usual part of this journey. I agree that the carbs are a trigger for me too. When i limit any sf products and processed foods i am more at ease and less triggered and at peace,. 

My biggest message is it is ok, you are right there with the rest of us it is not just you,