What to say to family and friends
R K.
on 11/22/09 6:36 am
on 11/22/09 6:36 am
Are you embarrassed by your decision? Do you feel like it`s the easy way out? Personally I have found that one secret aka lie leads to another and then what have we become?
You are making a really tough choice to improve your health and life. Why worry about anybody that won`t accept that?
Like Randy Pausch said in The Last lecture:
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
You are making a really tough choice to improve your health and life. Why worry about anybody that won`t accept that?
Like Randy Pausch said in The Last lecture:
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
*
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
— Randy Pausch
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
— Randy Pausch
I didn't tell my co-workers because I didn't think they'd understand. (And I'm a temp, so we won't be working together for long.) I've found that everyone I've told in my family, my friends, wait staff in restaurants (I sometimes need their help to order something), everyone has been extremely supportive. You might find a lot of support if you decide to tell people.
Julia
I felt the same way with certain family members. I did not want them to know I felt I had my personal reasons for not telling them prior. However, I knew that in time I was going to have to tell them.. I struggled with it only till my own mom and mother in law felt they needed to say something to my brothers and brother in law. I was ok with them it was the wives i cared not to discuss my choices with. At the end of the day it is what it is and I know look at it as a way for me to grow within myself and heal. Thanksgiving will be the first day I see any of them since I am only 6 days out it will be interestering to say the least but I am ok with it. I am proud that I was able to make this decision to renew my life and become healthy once again, I did this for my family and for myself and only good things can be around each corner from here on out.
Good luck to you
Good luck to you
Welcome to the boards - I think you'll find a lot of really supportive people here and I hope you become a "regular." Congratulations on making a decision to change your life for the better.
To answer your question, I think just about everyone has 'been here' with regard to figuring out what to tell and who to tell. And you'll find a wide range of answers, reflecting each person's personality. Some people would wear a shirt saying "WLS and Proud of IT!" if they could. Others find it a very personal and private thing and have told only the people who absolutely need to know.
I personally struggled with the question because I, too, felt like it was no one's business but my own. I was embarassed that I had reached a point where i was so out of control of my food addiction that I required surgical intervention to regain control of my life. Part of me felt like I was taking the "easy way" out and was also embarassed by that. And another part felt like if this failed the way everything else I've tried had failed, I really didn't want the world to know it.
I ended up before surgery telling only a few close friends at work, telling my closest friends and telling the people in my family who I knew wouldn't judge the decision and also wouldn't over-react to it. My surgery was NOT routine, though - Dr. Pupkova couldn't complete it due to finding lesions in my abdomen, so I ended up with a "half-bypass"... closer to a band physically, but with the very clear likelihood that it would stretch back out pretty quickly. My vow to her and to myself was that I would follow the post-op regimen exactly as though she had completed the surgery, which I've done in the 7 months following. During that time, I've lost 87 pounds so far - and have significantly changed my perspective on the surgery, who I'm willing to tell, etc.
I've realized that these surgeries are NOT the "easy way".... they require self-discipline, adherence to a regimen of nutrition, getting one's head in the right place with regard to food, and the development of an exercise plan. The people who are successful at it are the most hard-working, dedicated people I've ever encountered. I'm proud to be counted among their ranks and am not ashamed of attempting this surgery. For anyone who asks or for whom it comes up naturally in conversation, I'm happy to explain the WLS regimen - dietary change, exercise, listening to one's body, and, yes, surgery.
So I guess the short summary to my long answer is to examine your feelings and WHY you feel it's "nobody's business." That should lead you to an understanding and a plan for how and when to address the topic.
At the very least, your primary physician (and any other medical professionals you deal with) and whoever you have tasked with being your "voice" (power of attorney) should you be incapacitated need to know it. You also will want/need to wear a medic alert bracelet or pendant afterward, for your own safety. Aside from that, everything's optional!
Hope this helps!
Karen
To answer your question, I think just about everyone has 'been here' with regard to figuring out what to tell and who to tell. And you'll find a wide range of answers, reflecting each person's personality. Some people would wear a shirt saying "WLS and Proud of IT!" if they could. Others find it a very personal and private thing and have told only the people who absolutely need to know.
I personally struggled with the question because I, too, felt like it was no one's business but my own. I was embarassed that I had reached a point where i was so out of control of my food addiction that I required surgical intervention to regain control of my life. Part of me felt like I was taking the "easy way" out and was also embarassed by that. And another part felt like if this failed the way everything else I've tried had failed, I really didn't want the world to know it.
I ended up before surgery telling only a few close friends at work, telling my closest friends and telling the people in my family who I knew wouldn't judge the decision and also wouldn't over-react to it. My surgery was NOT routine, though - Dr. Pupkova couldn't complete it due to finding lesions in my abdomen, so I ended up with a "half-bypass"... closer to a band physically, but with the very clear likelihood that it would stretch back out pretty quickly. My vow to her and to myself was that I would follow the post-op regimen exactly as though she had completed the surgery, which I've done in the 7 months following. During that time, I've lost 87 pounds so far - and have significantly changed my perspective on the surgery, who I'm willing to tell, etc.
I've realized that these surgeries are NOT the "easy way".... they require self-discipline, adherence to a regimen of nutrition, getting one's head in the right place with regard to food, and the development of an exercise plan. The people who are successful at it are the most hard-working, dedicated people I've ever encountered. I'm proud to be counted among their ranks and am not ashamed of attempting this surgery. For anyone who asks or for whom it comes up naturally in conversation, I'm happy to explain the WLS regimen - dietary change, exercise, listening to one's body, and, yes, surgery.
So I guess the short summary to my long answer is to examine your feelings and WHY you feel it's "nobody's business." That should lead you to an understanding and a plan for how and when to address the topic.
At the very least, your primary physician (and any other medical professionals you deal with) and whoever you have tasked with being your "voice" (power of attorney) should you be incapacitated need to know it. You also will want/need to wear a medic alert bracelet or pendant afterward, for your own safety. Aside from that, everything's optional!
Hope this helps!
Karen
Hi there.
My name is Kris and I'm a defector from the Delaware Boards since it is not very active. I was reading your post and it hit very close to my heart. In fact, I'm dealing with a bit of the same dilemma, I had my Gastric Bypass done on September 9th of this year and have lost 72 pounds to date. I am very proud of my progress and have never second guessed or regretted my decision to have the surgery,
I am originally from Indiana and will be going back home for the Thanksgiving holiday. It's been the first time I have been home to two and a half years and when I was going through the process for the surgery I made the conscious decision not to tell my family in Indiana that I was having the surgery because they were not a part of my daily support system. Now there are a couple of people who do know about my decision but 95% of the family does not know.
So recently I have been struggling with whether to tell my family about the surgery. So on Thanksgiving Day when I see everyone again I don't think I will have a problem telling them that I have had the surgery or even telling them that it was my decision and that they can support me in that decision or not. After all, I did this for me...not for anyone else.
I do know what you are going through and it is a very personal decision. So you need to decide for yourself. But know that whatever decision you come to you have a ton of people here on the boards to support you
Thanks,
Kris
My name is Kris and I'm a defector from the Delaware Boards since it is not very active. I was reading your post and it hit very close to my heart. In fact, I'm dealing with a bit of the same dilemma, I had my Gastric Bypass done on September 9th of this year and have lost 72 pounds to date. I am very proud of my progress and have never second guessed or regretted my decision to have the surgery,
I am originally from Indiana and will be going back home for the Thanksgiving holiday. It's been the first time I have been home to two and a half years and when I was going through the process for the surgery I made the conscious decision not to tell my family in Indiana that I was having the surgery because they were not a part of my daily support system. Now there are a couple of people who do know about my decision but 95% of the family does not know.
So recently I have been struggling with whether to tell my family about the surgery. So on Thanksgiving Day when I see everyone again I don't think I will have a problem telling them that I have had the surgery or even telling them that it was my decision and that they can support me in that decision or not. After all, I did this for me...not for anyone else.
I do know what you are going through and it is a very personal decision. So you need to decide for yourself. But know that whatever decision you come to you have a ton of people here on the boards to support you
Thanks,
Kris
Welcome to the PA boards, I also defected from my home state board a very long time ago, as it is not very active and this board is awesome!
Also wanted to say you are doing a great job with your tool.
Best wishes, Laureen
Also wanted to say you are doing a great job with your tool.
Best wishes, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
My surgery was in July, and I felt that the decision was extremely personal. I told only my mom, sister, husband, kids, and 2 close friends (both of whom live out of state).
I was concerned that my mom would worry excessively, but lo and behold she has been very supportive and was proud of my decision.
I did not share with coworkers because just as overweight is viewed negatively in my workplace, surgery would also be looked at critically. My work takes me into a variety of groups of people, so the weight loss is something that need not come up every day in discussion.
There is probably an element of shame in my decision to keep this decision private, but primarily I am a very private person - my medical history, decisions, and course of treatment is no one's business. Like Karen, I regretted that my food addiction had spun so far out of control.
When people notice my weight loss, I thank them and assure them that I'm working hard at it. The few times that someone probes further, I explain that I have given up sugar, given up refined carbohydrates, stopped drinking diet soda, exercise vigorously and regularly at my gym, work with a personal trainer, doctor, and nutritionist, stick to a detailed eating plan centered on high quality protein, and log everything I eat. That response gives them plenty to think about!
As for talking with your parents, I'd suggest that you be prepared with some good solid factual information in case they ask about the procedure. I'd also be ready to talk about the risks of surgery, since that is what would worry them the most.
Best of luck to you!
I was concerned that my mom would worry excessively, but lo and behold she has been very supportive and was proud of my decision.
I did not share with coworkers because just as overweight is viewed negatively in my workplace, surgery would also be looked at critically. My work takes me into a variety of groups of people, so the weight loss is something that need not come up every day in discussion.
There is probably an element of shame in my decision to keep this decision private, but primarily I am a very private person - my medical history, decisions, and course of treatment is no one's business. Like Karen, I regretted that my food addiction had spun so far out of control.
When people notice my weight loss, I thank them and assure them that I'm working hard at it. The few times that someone probes further, I explain that I have given up sugar, given up refined carbohydrates, stopped drinking diet soda, exercise vigorously and regularly at my gym, work with a personal trainer, doctor, and nutritionist, stick to a detailed eating plan centered on high quality protein, and log everything I eat. That response gives them plenty to think about!
As for talking with your parents, I'd suggest that you be prepared with some good solid factual information in case they ask about the procedure. I'd also be ready to talk about the risks of surgery, since that is what would worry them the most.
Best of luck to you!
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