So! So! Sad and disappointed!(long)
A few suggestions:
1. Put up your picture here on OH. People respond-n-bond more quickly if they can see your face
2. Take the initiative to introduce yourself to someone. Nobody there bites.
3. Nobody determines how you feel but you. If you didn't feel welcome, that's on you.
That out of the way... welcome! My name is Norman, I'm 36, 5 years post-op, an occosional attendee of the Barix meetings, a long-time member of the PA boards, and a bit of a stodgy pain in the ass. I'll answer any questions and help you however I can.
You WILL find tons of support and guidance and friendship here. Give it a chance.
:)
1. Put up your picture here on OH. People respond-n-bond more quickly if they can see your face
2. Take the initiative to introduce yourself to someone. Nobody there bites.
3. Nobody determines how you feel but you. If you didn't feel welcome, that's on you.
That out of the way... welcome! My name is Norman, I'm 36, 5 years post-op, an occosional attendee of the Barix meetings, a long-time member of the PA boards, and a bit of a stodgy pain in the ass. I'll answer any questions and help you however I can.
You WILL find tons of support and guidance and friendship here. Give it a chance.
:)
Oh - and as far as the photo that you like for your avatar:
1) Save it to your computer
2) go to www.photobucket.com and get an account (it's free)
3) Upload the picture from your computer to the website
4) Click on "resize" and select "avatar" which I believe makes it 100x90 You can also custom make it any dimension. OH specifications are 100x100
5) Right click on the new sized picture and save it to your computer
6) Come back to OH and load it.
1) Save it to your computer
2) go to www.photobucket.com and get an account (it's free)
3) Upload the picture from your computer to the website
4) Click on "resize" and select "avatar" which I believe makes it 100x90 You can also custom make it any dimension. OH specifications are 100x100
5) Right click on the new sized picture and save it to your computer
6) Come back to OH and load it.
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
Julie,
I was unable to make the meeting the other evening and am sooooo sorry to hear that you had a negative first experience.
I can totally understand how overwhelming it is, especially when you suffer from social anxiety and feel left out. I know from personal experience in my own life, how hard it is to strike of a conversation with people when you feel like the "outsider". It seems sometimes as though there are clicks, and I won't say that is not the case, however, much is simply that many people had their surgeries around the same time and made fast friends. There are some who only see one another at the meeting, as well as the fact that the evening meetings are short with lots of ground to cover. I know many of these people and I'm sure that had they realized you were there and a newcomer to the group, many would have gone out of their way to welcome you. I, myself, try to reach out to say hello to people who's faces I don't necessarily recognize and believe me on a month to month basis, that can be a lot of folks, just by viture of the fact that people change quickly as they lose weight.
I agree about the sidebar conversations being distracting and disrespectful of the person who has the floor and for which something is trying to be done about via the new guidelines read at the beginning of the meeting.
I would ask you, as did the others, to give it another try, perhaps, if you can, attend the First Saturday meeting in December, it breaks down to more manageable groups and therefore more intimate settings and allows us the opportunity to get to know one another better. Or, if possible, attend Liz' wonderful cooking support group at her home, where you will see some of the people that were at Barix the other night, as well as some people who cannot make Barix, but do make Liz'.
Best wishes, Laureen
I was unable to make the meeting the other evening and am sooooo sorry to hear that you had a negative first experience.
I can totally understand how overwhelming it is, especially when you suffer from social anxiety and feel left out. I know from personal experience in my own life, how hard it is to strike of a conversation with people when you feel like the "outsider". It seems sometimes as though there are clicks, and I won't say that is not the case, however, much is simply that many people had their surgeries around the same time and made fast friends. There are some who only see one another at the meeting, as well as the fact that the evening meetings are short with lots of ground to cover. I know many of these people and I'm sure that had they realized you were there and a newcomer to the group, many would have gone out of their way to welcome you. I, myself, try to reach out to say hello to people who's faces I don't necessarily recognize and believe me on a month to month basis, that can be a lot of folks, just by viture of the fact that people change quickly as they lose weight.
I agree about the sidebar conversations being distracting and disrespectful of the person who has the floor and for which something is trying to be done about via the new guidelines read at the beginning of the meeting.
I would ask you, as did the others, to give it another try, perhaps, if you can, attend the First Saturday meeting in December, it breaks down to more manageable groups and therefore more intimate settings and allows us the opportunity to get to know one another better. Or, if possible, attend Liz' wonderful cooking support group at her home, where you will see some of the people that were at Barix the other night, as well as some people who cannot make Barix, but do make Liz'.
Best wishes, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Julie, please be sure to give the Barix support group another try - yes, its very large and can be intimidating, but they are also the best group of people I have ever met, and I bet as your weight comes off your aniexty over meeting new people and entering strange places lessens and your confidence in yourself and others will begin to grow.
I do agree with a couple of people - post a pic of yourself - I know I have gone up to people (Norm, for one) at a Barix meeting and introduced myself just because I had seen his picture on here and just felt more comfortable and like he was already a 'friend' of sorts. So it really does help. Have someone take a picture of you now and post it - we'd love to meet you!
Another suggestion is to post here often and become an active member of this board - that also makes a huge difference in how you feel when you actually start meeting us in person. I don't attend as many meetings as I would like and I usually go to the Saturday meetings when I can attend. And talk about feeling dumb and awkward - at the last one I wasn't sure where to go or what to do since it had been so long that I had gone and I ended up standing behind a group of the leaders because I knew several friendly faces in that group - I didn't realize they were getting their thoughts and all together for leading the meetings!! I finally ventured away and found a seat and some friendly faces and we all started chatting - and trust me, it was only because we have seen each others faces on here that we 'knew' each other.
So don't get discouraged or give up on us - we're a great, friendly group of people from all over the US - not just Philly. So try again - support is key in our journeys and there is no such thing as too many people out here!!
Take care - Kathy
I do agree with a couple of people - post a pic of yourself - I know I have gone up to people (Norm, for one) at a Barix meeting and introduced myself just because I had seen his picture on here and just felt more comfortable and like he was already a 'friend' of sorts. So it really does help. Have someone take a picture of you now and post it - we'd love to meet you!
Another suggestion is to post here often and become an active member of this board - that also makes a huge difference in how you feel when you actually start meeting us in person. I don't attend as many meetings as I would like and I usually go to the Saturday meetings when I can attend. And talk about feeling dumb and awkward - at the last one I wasn't sure where to go or what to do since it had been so long that I had gone and I ended up standing behind a group of the leaders because I knew several friendly faces in that group - I didn't realize they were getting their thoughts and all together for leading the meetings!! I finally ventured away and found a seat and some friendly faces and we all started chatting - and trust me, it was only because we have seen each others faces on here that we 'knew' each other.
So don't get discouraged or give up on us - we're a great, friendly group of people from all over the US - not just Philly. So try again - support is key in our journeys and there is no such thing as too many people out here!!
Take care - Kathy
'One shoe can change your life'...Cinderella
I just want to say thank you to every one for there great suggestions and positive and supportive comments. Maybe if I wasn't such a social moron I would have thought to let people know here that I would be new at that meeting, and it could have helped with the outcome. OH has helped me so much in so many ways it was foolish of me not to uses it for my benefit. Norm you are right about me and feeling about being welcome and I struggle with it everyday and work on it everyday. I'm going to try to be more vocal and not isolate myself. I wasn't going to say anything and now I'm glad I did. Thanks!
Hello Julie,
Sorry your experience was less than you hoped. As you can see here on this board, we are surprisingly representative of the meeting you attended Wednesday night. The difference being you spoke here but did not speak there. We are all aware of the anxiety and the anxiousness that can build when you come to a meeting of people you have never met. We talk about it all the time. We talk and that's the difference. It may take anyone several attempts at a meeting before they even speak but it's up to the individual to come, or not. This is for you, use it, be true to it, and don't place unreasonable goals on people you haven't really met yet. Now that you have "met" some of us here on OH, I hope you can continue with your journey and feel good about the possibilities. You will hear how good and welcoming this group is and it's all true.
Come back and find out for yourself.
Dennis
Sorry your experience was less than you hoped. As you can see here on this board, we are surprisingly representative of the meeting you attended Wednesday night. The difference being you spoke here but did not speak there. We are all aware of the anxiety and the anxiousness that can build when you come to a meeting of people you have never met. We talk about it all the time. We talk and that's the difference. It may take anyone several attempts at a meeting before they even speak but it's up to the individual to come, or not. This is for you, use it, be true to it, and don't place unreasonable goals on people you haven't really met yet. Now that you have "met" some of us here on OH, I hope you can continue with your journey and feel good about the possibilities. You will hear how good and welcoming this group is and it's all true.
Come back and find out for yourself.
Dennis
Most Active
Recent Topics
