So! So! Sad and disappointed!(long)
OK Here is the back story. I'm from a VERY small farming town in Minnesota. I moved Here to Philly, 19yrs ago to work here as a nanny. While I was working I meet my husband. He is from Havertown. I have NEVER felt like Philly has been my home. I find this area very cold unwelcoming and closed off to people who are not from the area. Because of this I miss MN. something awful! I miss the community and friendliness and the openness of the people there! I here becaus of my husband I never would have stayed if it wasn't for him.
With that being said starts my Issues with food! I have felt very isolated in the area not many friends and not ones I would call good friends. So I turned food into my friend. I was VERY thin up to this point. I learned to be able to be alone. I would go the movies by myself and go shopping by myself etc. I would always eat while I was out the fill that void. There is more to the side of the story but I trying to get this to be a bit shorter so I can get to my point.
So 7 weeks ago I had WLS and Barix Tell me about the Support groups. I thought Yeah! A place where there are people like me and I will have a connection with. So I went to the meeting on Wednesday. I had such high hopes that I would finally meet people. I got there a little early I could not believe how many people where already there! I singed in and looked for a place to sit and maybe someone to talk to. ( I now get really bad social anxiety) All their chairs were ever taken or reserved for people they were waiting for. NO ONE has said anything to me at this point not a hello not any thing! So I see someone place a chair in the I isle and I thought good I'll go grab a chair and sit by her. Nope no go! She moved away from me and started to place chair between us. She did say some thing to me though! I need to save these chairs for my friends. Oh thanks alot! I stayed for the whole meeting which I found very distracting because of all of the people talking behind me that wasn't pertaining to the meeting. I also waited a bit after the meeting so see if I could strike up a conversation. Nope nothing. So once again I felt like I was in the same situation one again. I cried the whole way home. The meeting wasn't any thing like I expected. I know it isn't fair to put expeditions on people who dont have any idea of what I'm thinking. But I thought people like us would be different. I wanted to feel welcome and I didn't and I wanted to be acknowledged and I wasn't, It so broke my heart. I dont think I will ever go back
Julie
With that being said starts my Issues with food! I have felt very isolated in the area not many friends and not ones I would call good friends. So I turned food into my friend. I was VERY thin up to this point. I learned to be able to be alone. I would go the movies by myself and go shopping by myself etc. I would always eat while I was out the fill that void. There is more to the side of the story but I trying to get this to be a bit shorter so I can get to my point.
So 7 weeks ago I had WLS and Barix Tell me about the Support groups. I thought Yeah! A place where there are people like me and I will have a connection with. So I went to the meeting on Wednesday. I had such high hopes that I would finally meet people. I got there a little early I could not believe how many people where already there! I singed in and looked for a place to sit and maybe someone to talk to. ( I now get really bad social anxiety) All their chairs were ever taken or reserved for people they were waiting for. NO ONE has said anything to me at this point not a hello not any thing! So I see someone place a chair in the I isle and I thought good I'll go grab a chair and sit by her. Nope no go! She moved away from me and started to place chair between us. She did say some thing to me though! I need to save these chairs for my friends. Oh thanks alot! I stayed for the whole meeting which I found very distracting because of all of the people talking behind me that wasn't pertaining to the meeting. I also waited a bit after the meeting so see if I could strike up a conversation. Nope nothing. So once again I felt like I was in the same situation one again. I cried the whole way home. The meeting wasn't any thing like I expected. I know it isn't fair to put expeditions on people who dont have any idea of what I'm thinking. But I thought people like us would be different. I wanted to feel welcome and I didn't and I wanted to be acknowledged and I wasn't, It so broke my heart. I dont think I will ever go back
Julie
Julie - I am so sorry that you had such a negative experience at BArix last night :(
I haven't been to any of their meetings but many of these people are in my closest circle of friends. I would LOVE if you could make it up to one of my saturday meetings - I will guarantee you that you will be included and we will help you to get over these issues.
I would also encourage you to give the meeting one more try. Maybe someone from here will agree to be your "meeting buddy" maybe meet you outside the door and you can go in together.
*hugs*
Liz
I haven't been to any of their meetings but many of these people are in my closest circle of friends. I would LOVE if you could make it up to one of my saturday meetings - I will guarantee you that you will be included and we will help you to get over these issues.
I would also encourage you to give the meeting one more try. Maybe someone from here will agree to be your "meeting buddy" maybe meet you outside the door and you can go in together.
*hugs*
Liz
Julie,
I'm sorry you are feeling this way and very sorry that the meeting was not what you expected. Please go back. Next time get there even earlier and hopefully you will meet someone or others you click with. Usually at meetings like this, people are very welcoming. I'm sorry you had a bad experience; however, please don't let this defer you from attending other support group meetings. The support group is extremely important to your success.
I hope you feel better soon. Extra hugs to you today!
Debbie
I'm sorry you are feeling this way and very sorry that the meeting was not what you expected. Please go back. Next time get there even earlier and hopefully you will meet someone or others you click with. Usually at meetings like this, people are very welcoming. I'm sorry you had a bad experience; however, please don't let this defer you from attending other support group meetings. The support group is extremely important to your success.
I hope you feel better soon. Extra hugs to you today!
Debbie
Julie,
Wow. I really wish I had known you were at the meeting - I would have loved to meet you and would have welcomed you to sit beside me. I do hope you'll come out again, and if you'll let me know that you'll be there i will be happy to be on the lookout for you.... because your avi is not a picture of you, I have no clue at all what you look like, though, so I'll need a description. I'd also suggest that if you put on a name tag - include a second name tag with "Jhawk" on it, so we "know" you from OH.
I know that a lot of people do like to sit with their friends, come in in groups, etc., because for many of us, this is the only time we get to "physically" see these people. But that's no excuse, really.
In the relatively short time I've been involved in it, I've found this to be a warm and welcoming group. I understand that for someone with social anxiety, no group will feel all that warm at first, and I'm sorry that you felt so isolated.
I do agree with you, by the way, that the issue of side conversations is a significant one - it's rude to the group and makes it really difficult to hear and to focus on what's being said. It's not difficult to take the conversation into the cafeteria or outside if it's something that really can't wait until after the meeting. The new policy of reading the guidelines at the start of each meeting should help with that once it "sinks in" that it's important (this is only the second meeting where they've been read), but we all need to be cognizant of the impact of the behavior and to call people on it gently but firmly.
At any rate, please DO come back - we do want to see you there!
Karen
Wow. I really wish I had known you were at the meeting - I would have loved to meet you and would have welcomed you to sit beside me. I do hope you'll come out again, and if you'll let me know that you'll be there i will be happy to be on the lookout for you.... because your avi is not a picture of you, I have no clue at all what you look like, though, so I'll need a description. I'd also suggest that if you put on a name tag - include a second name tag with "Jhawk" on it, so we "know" you from OH.
I know that a lot of people do like to sit with their friends, come in in groups, etc., because for many of us, this is the only time we get to "physically" see these people. But that's no excuse, really.
In the relatively short time I've been involved in it, I've found this to be a warm and welcoming group. I understand that for someone with social anxiety, no group will feel all that warm at first, and I'm sorry that you felt so isolated.
I do agree with you, by the way, that the issue of side conversations is a significant one - it's rude to the group and makes it really difficult to hear and to focus on what's being said. It's not difficult to take the conversation into the cafeteria or outside if it's something that really can't wait until after the meeting. The new policy of reading the guidelines at the start of each meeting should help with that once it "sinks in" that it's important (this is only the second meeting where they've been read), but we all need to be cognizant of the impact of the behavior and to call people on it gently but firmly.
At any rate, please DO come back - we do want to see you there!
Karen
Thanks Guys maybe I'll take Liz and Karen's advice and ask for a meeting buddy. I have thought about going to liz's house for her cooking classes but havent had the opportunity to make one yet. ( I do have to admit that I nervous about going). As for my avatar for one I hated how I looked heavy so I didn't have many photos of me taken and the one I did I couldn't figure out on how to make it small enough so that the avatar would take it. So at the meeting I was the very short one ( Gosh Karen I didn't realize how statuesque you are)with the bright green sweater, with long curly brown hair, sitting in the middle of the isle.
Julie,
I cannot generally come to the Wed. support groups and was not there this past week, but I DO attend the first Saturdays. I am also a "new" Pennsylvanian (well..7 years or so...) and my roots are in the upper midwest (Michigan). I live out in Lancaster County, so hitting a support group on Wed. after work is not generally workable.
My surgery was July 15 and I am thankful for Barix every day.
The support groups can seem pretty overwhelming - at first I felt as if everyone else there knew tons of people, and there were a LOT of people there. Slowly I have come to recognize a few faces from the OH forum, and I like Karen's idea that we put our screen name on our nametags. It may also help to plan ahead to have someone you "connect" with on line meet you at the door - I'd be happy to do so in December! Just say the word!
Slowly I have come to know and recognize a few folks at the meetings. I like the structure of the Saturdays, where we break into small groups for the first half, then come together for a group meeting for the second half. The bylaws clearly ask that side conversation is held to a minimum...perhaps this is not comfortable for some of the long term participants but I appreciate it greatly!
I also go to the meetings with the goal of learning whatever I can - I bring my journal and take notes the whole time.
Above all, Julie, please DO try again. Everything I have learned says that support groups are one of the most critical variables in successful weight loss and maintenance over time. The leaders are wonderful role models for us, and ANY topic of concern is welcome.
Again - I'm happy to connect if you can come to the First Saturday in December!!! I'll introduce you to the few people I know...and so on...and so on,...
I cannot generally come to the Wed. support groups and was not there this past week, but I DO attend the first Saturdays. I am also a "new" Pennsylvanian (well..7 years or so...) and my roots are in the upper midwest (Michigan). I live out in Lancaster County, so hitting a support group on Wed. after work is not generally workable.
My surgery was July 15 and I am thankful for Barix every day.
The support groups can seem pretty overwhelming - at first I felt as if everyone else there knew tons of people, and there were a LOT of people there. Slowly I have come to recognize a few faces from the OH forum, and I like Karen's idea that we put our screen name on our nametags. It may also help to plan ahead to have someone you "connect" with on line meet you at the door - I'd be happy to do so in December! Just say the word!
Slowly I have come to know and recognize a few folks at the meetings. I like the structure of the Saturdays, where we break into small groups for the first half, then come together for a group meeting for the second half. The bylaws clearly ask that side conversation is held to a minimum...perhaps this is not comfortable for some of the long term participants but I appreciate it greatly!
I also go to the meetings with the goal of learning whatever I can - I bring my journal and take notes the whole time.
Above all, Julie, please DO try again. Everything I have learned says that support groups are one of the most critical variables in successful weight loss and maintenance over time. The leaders are wonderful role models for us, and ANY topic of concern is welcome.
Again - I'm happy to connect if you can come to the First Saturday in December!!! I'll introduce you to the few people I know...and so on...and so on,...
Well let's aim for it! I will add you to my friends list - and let's post here when we see the First Saturday thread for January.
I am so glad that Pam posted easy directions to add an avatar. I really have avoided that so far...lazy I guess, when it comes to technology.
Happy almost-40th by the way!
I am so glad that Pam posted easy directions to add an avatar. I really have avoided that so far...lazy I guess, when it comes to technology.
Happy almost-40th by the way!
Julie,
the meetings are intimidating at first for anyone, especially the first few times you go. I was not at this last meeting, but do try to make it whenever I can.
The social anxiety aspect is difficult to get over, and I don't have to many helpful hints for that. However, it seems by your response to Karen that you knew that was her from the group. Did Dennis lead the meeting as usual? he's on these boards as well, along with Beth who is normally at the meetings with him. Those two, of all people, are some of the most warm, genuine, and welcoming people you will ever meet. Perhaps instead of waiting for somebody to strike up a conversation with you, it may have been helpful to strike one up with someone (IE Dennis or Karen)
The meetings are a fabulous group of people, many of which I have become very close friends with. It takes time for those friendships to develop, however. I'm sure you'll find someone to connect with, though! And now that you've "put yourself out there" so to speak, I'm sure people will be more aware of your needs.
The side talk is something that has been addressed before and needs to continually be addressed. As Karen mentioned, many times this is the only time that people get to see each other physically and connect in that manner, so there's talk about general life and families and stuff. No reason for that to happen DURING the meeting, though. That's what before and after are for! And I definately agree that it is distracting to others.
Hang in there and definately go back, with a plan in place for meeting someone before hand. There's normally a group that meets before the meeting (about 5:15ish) at the Red Robin which is down the road from barix. It's generally a smaller group of people, and you would be able to get to know (and walk in with) them to have some connections.
Good luck! I'll let you know if and when I'm going to a meeting next. Oh - and Liz's house is AWESOME and is a little less intimidating...smaller group...working together...spouses in the other room playing video games, and children running around on occassion. It's a very warm and open environment.
Pam
the meetings are intimidating at first for anyone, especially the first few times you go. I was not at this last meeting, but do try to make it whenever I can.
The social anxiety aspect is difficult to get over, and I don't have to many helpful hints for that. However, it seems by your response to Karen that you knew that was her from the group. Did Dennis lead the meeting as usual? he's on these boards as well, along with Beth who is normally at the meetings with him. Those two, of all people, are some of the most warm, genuine, and welcoming people you will ever meet. Perhaps instead of waiting for somebody to strike up a conversation with you, it may have been helpful to strike one up with someone (IE Dennis or Karen)
The meetings are a fabulous group of people, many of which I have become very close friends with. It takes time for those friendships to develop, however. I'm sure you'll find someone to connect with, though! And now that you've "put yourself out there" so to speak, I'm sure people will be more aware of your needs.
The side talk is something that has been addressed before and needs to continually be addressed. As Karen mentioned, many times this is the only time that people get to see each other physically and connect in that manner, so there's talk about general life and families and stuff. No reason for that to happen DURING the meeting, though. That's what before and after are for! And I definately agree that it is distracting to others.
Hang in there and definately go back, with a plan in place for meeting someone before hand. There's normally a group that meets before the meeting (about 5:15ish) at the Red Robin which is down the road from barix. It's generally a smaller group of people, and you would be able to get to know (and walk in with) them to have some connections.
Good luck! I'll let you know if and when I'm going to a meeting next. Oh - and Liz's house is AWESOME and is a little less intimidating...smaller group...working together...spouses in the other room playing video games, and children running around on occassion. It's a very warm and open environment.
Pam
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
Most Active
Recent Topics
