So I'll put this out there again,....

...and again, I dont know what I'm expecting for replies....maybe just hearing that I'm not alone.

Folks, I've got a serious problem.......and I'm so tired of it.

My latest blog entry: 
Tonight was another breakdown..they're happening every few months ish.....calendar throwing (where i track my weight), screaming/venting, hyperventilating/anxiety attack, tears, snots, etc....

why...why am i an addict. if it's not exercise one night, it's food another...if it's not food, it's alcohol....if it's not enough alcohol (to the point of pass out) it's more food.  .... and it's all because I'm unhappy and miserable with myself. i hate myself...still....

no matter how hard i try to pretend and surpress....it's still there.

mind you, it's not there every other week because it was coming out in therapy sessions but now it's every month/few months when my brain just cant take it anymore.

so tomorrow, i'll try not eating again....because once i start eating, i cant stop...like a drug.

and no matter what the scale says...current weight, past weight...it wont matter....becasue I'll still feel the same in my head....

A N D   I   H A T E    I T !

Well Jen...you are not alone.  We are all addicts.  Food is/was my comfort.  I love it.  When I felt bad, it made me feel better.  I miss it like a drug.  I thought I kicked my addiction with the surgery and I kind of did, but I miss it bad.  I probably always will.  I have a transfer addiction issue, I chew now.  I quit for my surgery but started again once I found an excuse to start again.  We all have addiciton issues, trust me.  I think I have some loss issues too with not being able to eat like I did.  Kudos to you for knowing you have a problem and seeking out help for it.  Me, I prefer to ignore my problems, which is by no means healthy.  We're all on this crazy boat together and just an email away.  Best of luck!

I've PM-d you

Jen, you are sooo no alone. I am definitely addicted to food.  My stall is evidence of that.  I am having the same problem with food.  I can do fine all day long and then night time comes and I just want to eat and eat and eat.. I'm not hungry, I just eat. 

Hang in there, keep going to therapy-- I'm working on getting there, myself.  Keep coming back to us for support.

We are here for you!

Jen,

You are most definitely not alone.  If you have not yet, I'd suggest picking up and reading a copy of Anatomy of a Food Addiction, by Anne Katherine.  It's one of the clearest and most sensible books I've found dealing with the issues of addiction, including very clear description of the physiology and chemistry that we're dealing with... it's not "just willpower" or "just in our heads."  I know it really helped me understand those mood swings, cravings, and things like you describe.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  But you are not alone and if there's any way that I can help, please let me know.  You're always welcome to call me or email me privately.

Karen

I don't have the answer.  I just wanted to give you a cyber hug and tell you that you are not alone by any means.  I've been posting on the crossing over to transfer addictions board.  I am an addict.  Right now I'm concentrating on my alcohol addiction, but that leaves food wide open, and that leads to more self-loathing, which is such a miserable place to be.  AA talks about spiritual progress rather than perfection.  It sounds like you are making progress when you say that your breakdowns are less frequent.  But it also sounds like you are still struggling with daily addiction issues. 

The disease of addiction lies to us.  It tells us we are nothing without our food (alcohol, sex, drugs, porn, whatever). 

I've chosen to work a 12-step program, journal like a madwoman, and attend AA meetings which put me in contact with like-minded people.  I hope you find a path that brings you relief and peace. 

I just wanted to send (((hugs))) your way. Hang in there, recognizing the problem is the first step, just don't give up. We are all a work in progress.

http://www.amazon.com/Solution-Kit-Vol-Book-CDs/dp/189326551 X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258659482&sr=1-3

Hi Jen,

I wrote a very similar post on the Main Board sometime last week.  I am SO freakin' going through the same thing.

So sorry you're feeling like me.

Christian

http://radiantrecovery.com/        also has online support groups through yahoo, FB and Twitter and groups targeting depression, bulimics, anorexics, alcoholics, celiacs, vegetarians, even those on a budget.....all sugar sensitive and chemically imbalanced because of it.