been in a very dark place
Donna,
I understand on a very real level what you are talking about, as many years ago, when I got sober, I hit a point where I was just overwhelmed with feelings, many of which had to do with the pain of the past, I actually remember going on a crying jag that I could not get a handle on, I went to a meeting and cried through the whole thing, someone came up to me after the meeting and told me that what I was experiencing was probably a grieving of sorts, because I had lost my best friend (alcohol/drugs) and while I did not really understand what they were telling me at the time, I now can say having faced many other demons over the last 22+ years, the food being the most recent one, that it is a process, the more we "recover", the more we uncover. The past is over, you can look back at it and take the lessons you need from it, it cannot be changed, it does no good to judge it, the future is what you would make of it. I've also learned along the way, that a feeling only need be acknowledged, in doing so, we can control them, not the other way around.
You have a whole community of likeminded folk here, like it or not, most of us were addicts, food was our drug of choice and it soothed and masked so much of what was really going on within us for so long, so it's only natural that you would go through this. I have faced alcohol/drug addiction, nicotine, sex and the food was most recent, in facing each of these, I came closer to knowing more about me and I can tell you is I've found that this journey of life is like the rose, beautiful to look at, but the thorns remind us of the realities. I am neither as bad or as good as I have sometimes thought myself to be.
Your past is simply the schoolroom that got you to the present and the lessons learned are what will make you successful in all your future endeavors.
I am glad you posted and hope that by sharing it helped release you from some of the feelings that you are alone in what you are experiencing.
Hugs, Laureen
I understand on a very real level what you are talking about, as many years ago, when I got sober, I hit a point where I was just overwhelmed with feelings, many of which had to do with the pain of the past, I actually remember going on a crying jag that I could not get a handle on, I went to a meeting and cried through the whole thing, someone came up to me after the meeting and told me that what I was experiencing was probably a grieving of sorts, because I had lost my best friend (alcohol/drugs) and while I did not really understand what they were telling me at the time, I now can say having faced many other demons over the last 22+ years, the food being the most recent one, that it is a process, the more we "recover", the more we uncover. The past is over, you can look back at it and take the lessons you need from it, it cannot be changed, it does no good to judge it, the future is what you would make of it. I've also learned along the way, that a feeling only need be acknowledged, in doing so, we can control them, not the other way around.
You have a whole community of likeminded folk here, like it or not, most of us were addicts, food was our drug of choice and it soothed and masked so much of what was really going on within us for so long, so it's only natural that you would go through this. I have faced alcohol/drug addiction, nicotine, sex and the food was most recent, in facing each of these, I came closer to knowing more about me and I can tell you is I've found that this journey of life is like the rose, beautiful to look at, but the thorns remind us of the realities. I am neither as bad or as good as I have sometimes thought myself to be.
Your past is simply the schoolroom that got you to the present and the lessons learned are what will make you successful in all your future endeavors.
I am glad you posted and hope that by sharing it helped release you from some of the feelings that you are alone in what you are experiencing.
Hugs, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Ditto to everyone above. I don't have anything extra to add, as everyone has touched on very good points. I just wanted to throw my support out the for ya! 
I go through bouts of depression and struggles that I keep from even the closest people in my life. I know I shouldn't but I do. I have avoided therapy due to finances, lack of time and fear.
Hang in there, reach out, and vent when necessary.
I go through bouts of depression and struggles that I keep from even the closest people in my life. I know I shouldn't but I do. I have avoided therapy due to finances, lack of time and fear.
Hang in there, reach out, and vent when necessary.
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila & salt and give me a call!
JoJo,
I don't know where I would be without therapy and my therapist. She has been with me throughout this long journey and continues to support me in many ways. I pray that you have someone to talk to during those dark times because I know that isolating only makes things worse.
Thank you for your support. Take care.
Donna
I don't know where I would be without therapy and my therapist. She has been with me throughout this long journey and continues to support me in many ways. I pray that you have someone to talk to during those dark times because I know that isolating only makes things worse.
Thank you for your support. Take care.
Donna
I am so right there with you. Whenever asked what the hardest thing after GBS is, I always tell people it's dealing with emotions without food. Unfortunately for me, I turned to alcohol a year after surgery and am now dealing with emotions without that as well. Just to let you know where I'm coming from, here is what I posted today on the Crossing to Transfer Addictions board.
Just putting this out there, hoping that my struggles and victories might encourage and help someone else.
I went to a face-to-face AA meeting last night because I felt I needed it, and I'm so glad I did. I was affirmed and validated there, which I think is so important. I realized something. My disease has a big lie. It's personal to me. It tells me, "You are nothing without alcohol (or food or sex or drugs)." I learned about this lie while I was in rehab, but then I forgot about it. Yesterday, when I heard, "You are dull and uninteresting without alcohol," I know that the seeds of the big lie were being planted. If I did not come here and post, and write some of my 4th step, and read from the Big Book, and hit that face to face meeting, that lie would have taken hold and brought me right back to the big lie that I am nothing. I have felt unworthy of happiness for a long time. A history of sexual abuse and 23 years in an abusive marriage really helped that feeling along. The 12-step programs want to break that cycle and allow me to accept happiness. My disease wants me to stay in chaos, confusion and the feeling of worthlessness.
Daily reprieve. Today I can choose to accept happiness. I can choose to pursue it by allowing my higher power to run the show. I can choose to pursue it by working the steps of recovery.
Just putting this out there, hoping that my struggles and victories might encourage and help someone else.
I went to a face-to-face AA meeting last night because I felt I needed it, and I'm so glad I did. I was affirmed and validated there, which I think is so important. I realized something. My disease has a big lie. It's personal to me. It tells me, "You are nothing without alcohol (or food or sex or drugs)." I learned about this lie while I was in rehab, but then I forgot about it. Yesterday, when I heard, "You are dull and uninteresting without alcohol," I know that the seeds of the big lie were being planted. If I did not come here and post, and write some of my 4th step, and read from the Big Book, and hit that face to face meeting, that lie would have taken hold and brought me right back to the big lie that I am nothing. I have felt unworthy of happiness for a long time. A history of sexual abuse and 23 years in an abusive marriage really helped that feeling along. The 12-step programs want to break that cycle and allow me to accept happiness. My disease wants me to stay in chaos, confusion and the feeling of worthlessness.
Daily reprieve. Today I can choose to accept happiness. I can choose to pursue it by allowing my higher power to run the show. I can choose to pursue it by working the steps of recovery.
Blessings, Jill
WLS 5/31/07. Maintaining a weight loss of 141 pounds and feeling amazing!
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