been in a very dark place

It is so hard for me to post right now but I just read Laureen's post on keeping things in and how unhealthy it is.  This was so appropriate for me today.  The past four weeks have been so difficult for me.  Since I am not using food to numb out and medicate my feelings any more they seem to be overwhelming me at times.  I do see a therapist every 2 weeks and she has been helpful but I know that I need to reach out to other WLS patients. 

The tapes that are playing are very old ones and the intensity of the feelings scares me at times.  I haven't felt this way since I first began therapy years ago and the flood gates opened up.  I am trying to contain the feelings and only deal with them when I am in a safe surrounding.  This is definetly too much for me to do on my own.  It's also very difficult for me to talk about this to anyone because my anxiety tends to spike when I do so I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place.  

Anyhow I am not sure what I want from you guys right now.  I just know that I had to put this out there so I can stop letting my feelings rule me.  This is a great board and you guys are awesome.  Thanx so much for listening.

Donna 

Donna - my therapist tells me that we are in charge of our feelings not the other way around. I know it is hard to learn (I'm still not getting it!) but know that we are all here for you, no judgement, no fear, no reason for anxiety. WE are friends, supporters and the best listeners. Sometimes it is easier to type things out then to say them out loud - that's where we come in!

I sure hope that we can help you out of this dark place that you feel you are in

*hugs*

Liz

Liz,

     Thanx for the support.  After posting last night I felt so much better because I was no longer hiding.  I appreciate your kind words.  Hope you, the baby and hubby are all well.  Take care.

Donna

Admitting these feelings "out loud" is the first step to being able to heal. Here you are in a very safe place. We will all support you in any way we can. Please know that no matter how alone and hopeless you feel there is always someone to help you through. I am glad that you have posted, now just keep opening up and letting the healing happen. Good luck and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Belinda

Belinda,

     Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.  Every one of them helps me along my journey.  I am glad that I posted and hope that next time I won't wait so long to do it again.

Donna

Sounds like you need a hug, Donna.      Keep coming back to the board---there's a tremedous amount of support  and understanding here.

Julila,

     Thanks for the cyber hug.  I can never get too many of them. 

Donna

Donna, all journeys start with one step and with each subsequent step you move further and learn more and your view changes once again.  Is there something particular about WLS that makes you fearful that we can maybe help you with?  Between all the folks on this board, someone is bound to have come up against what you are going through and might be able to shed light on your darkness.  And, keep in mind, you are going through alot of hormonal changes in the first 9 mos. of surgery which affect the chemicals in the brain in some more than others.  They can bring on depression or euphoria.   Maybe, just maybe, where you feel you are at this time is reminiscent of a bad time before but is simply your hormones working overtime and THIS time you CAN control it with your Dr.'s advice and a WLS support system in place.   Sending you calming vibes for clear thinking...

Jackie,

   I sometimes forget about the hormonal changes that are taking place inside my body.  I might also have to check in with my psychiatrist to see if my anti depressant needs to be adjusted.  The important thing for me is to know that I am not alone.  Thank you for your support.

Donna

That's one of the best things about online support - at least for me - typing things out wasn't really "saying" them to someone with a "real" face...somehow it felt "different"  I was still expressing my TRUE feelings - but probably would have been less apt to do so if it was at a personal meeting.

If you feel uncomfortable writing it here - maybe attempt a journal for just you?  That way you can at least START to express yourself and not keep it all inside.  I myself was never a big journaler, but it works for others!

Glad you posted.  Stay close!  We're always here!

Pam