back peddling

I am starting to back peddle.  My surgery is less than a month away, and I am starting to become overwhelmed.  I have an appointment today with an ear,nose,throat Dr, as I have had six nose bleeds in seven days.  I have nervous stomach, and am waking up during the middle of the night unable to sleep.  If its this bad now what will it be like the day before, or the day of.  Monday is my pre-op class and final appointment with the surgeon, and I am sure it will really be with the physician assistant as Dr B does surgeries on Mondays.  Nov 11th is pre-op testing at the hospital, and Nov 19 a check up with my pcp.  I also need to fit in a appointment with the cardio Dr somewhere.  This is all made more difficult as I watch my youngest granddaughter, and they on on Maryland's eastern shore.  My son in law found a good job, finally.  So he has to be in Baltimore during the week.  My daughter is in the process of switching jobs to full days instead of nights on weekends at the hospital.  Which means more arranging so someone can make sure the kids get to school, and get picked up and someone to watch Deliah during the day.  I feel guilty for putting my daughter through this rearranging, but she is understanding and knows that I must take care of myself.  She is going to be calling in favors all over the place.  My aunt called yesterday and wants to be at the hospital for me on the day of surgery, as no one else will be there, but I worry for her to, at 79 if she were to catch the flu or something I would really feel bad.  I guess it will all work out in the end.  Thanks for letting me rant.
Ena

Oh Ena, Take a deep breath.  Try to remember why you started this process, why you wanted to do it.  Think of all the positives and don't dwell on the negatives.  Put one foot in front of the other and go to your appointments, take it one day at a time, one appointment at a time.  Don't think too far ahead.  Just think OK what do I "need" to do today, what is on my schedule.  And use your best judgment and say "NO" when you need to.  You can only spread yourself so thin.  I would also agree with the Aunt not being at the hospital, too many bugs going around.  You are going to be well taken care of, and don't need to worry about anything but your recovery.  My hospital has a ban on visitors so she may not be able to come anyways.  I have my surgery on November 11th and I am doing my fair share of worrying, but I know 100% on the November 12th my life will begin. 

Good Luck!!

Thanks for the reply.  I will try to take your advice, sometimes it just gets to you.  I have been seeing your posts, and know that you have small children, I just don't know how someone with children does it.  I will be watching for a post from you after your surgery.  I wish you a smooth and uneventful surgery, and a great recovery.
Take Care Ena

Calm down, calm down, calm down Ena.  Take one day at a time.  I'm sched for surg on Mon.  Have some of the same feelings. Put yourself first.  You are doing this for YOU.  I'm just worried I dont come down with cold sx, or upper resp symptoms before Mon or they won't operate.  Do what you have to do what is best for you.  Hang in there.

In the words of my late, great mom, "everything will be fine".  We used to repeat that to ourselves and to each other in times of stress, as our little mantra, and it's true, everything WILL be fine.  I'm still pre-op, and am having my moments of worry, but I'm confident that you will get done what needs to get done for you, and that the people around you that care about you (lucky girl!) will pick up the rest.

You have a wonderful phrase as part of your signature (the journey of a thousand miles...) so you really do already know how to deal with everything, just take it one step at a time, and you did the right thing, you vented to the people that will understand the most, and who will be here, rain or shine, to cheer you on.

Wishing you wellness and tranquility...

Elizabeth

Ena - remember that you made this decision when you were calm and rational and emotions weren't getting into the scope. This is a very emotional time and a big decision and I am sure that it is all being compounded by what is going on with your daughter and grandkids.

hang in there and I promise that it is all worth while!!

Liz

Liz & Elizabeth,
Thanks for your support.  Everything will be alright.  My mothers middle name was Elizabeth.  She has been gone for seven years now, but I need to remember her struggles with weight loss.  She would be happy for me, and cheering me on.  I know that she is watching me from her seat in heaven, so I guess I just need to take a deep breath and do one step at a time.
Thanks Again, Ena

I am glad that you came here to vent. These people really do understand and have the best advice. Now take a deep breath........and remember the goal. The day to day stuff always has a way of working itself out, just try to look at the bigger picture and focus on that. You will get there. Good luck with everything. Belinda

The weeks (and especially days) leading up to surgery are quite nerve wracking!  Hang in there, though.  It IS worth it and things DO work out the way they are intended.  You certainly have a lot on your plate right now - but that's all the more reason to pursue this.  I'm sure you want to be fit and healthy for a long time to see that granddaughter of yours grow up and be able to play play play with her!

Hang in there - vent here anytime you need!  You chose the right spot to do so!

Pam