Abusing the Tool

I'm here to confess and to renew my dedication.  Two years out and my pants are getting tight.  I've been abusing alcohol, and my food addiction has reared its ugly head again.  I like to think I was in remission at least for a little while.  As I stay sober and my head clears, I realize that I have been abusing the gift I was given.  This week I recorded my food and realized how much grazing I was doing.  I pulled out the old Barix Bible and re-read Eating for Your New Life.  It seems I've not been following so much of the suggested protocol.  I do get my protein in, but also have indulged in sweets (even though I dump) and in more carbohydrates than necessary or helpful.  I stopped going to meetings (Barix support; Harleysville; Celebrate Recovery) over a year ago.  I won't make it to the Barix meeting tonight because I'm headed to AA, which is where I most seem to need to be right now.  They warn us about this stuff right?  I'm so sorry I didn't keep up with support groups and keep in touch with surgery buddies (except one who I love dearly -- you know who you are).

That's my confession.  Now for my re-dedication.  I promise that just for today I will respect my pouch.  I will not drink alcohol.  I will not eat sugar.  I will get in my protein and water.  I will follow the 5/30 rule.  That's all I can promise for today. 

My future plan is to keep in touch more here and in person.  I'll put next month's meeting on my calendar and commit to being there.  I'll attend the pre-op meeting as well, and stay quiet, to remind myself where I came from.  I'll listen to and accept advice and encouragement.  I'll keep reading "Anatomy of a Food Addiction" and working a 12-step recovery program. 

I'm posting here because I trust you all and know that keeping quiet is the worst thing I could do right now.  I hope my struggles don't cause anyone any grief of their own.  I want everyone to know that life can get off track sometimes, but we have the tools to get it regain ground.  I know several people here are inspirations to me and I look forward to sharing my recovery process.

Jill,

We don't know each other, but I just want to offer my support and encouragement.  My biggest fear is not being able to do this long term and forgeting those rules that are so important.  Come here often.  These boards are full of wise people who can help.  Best of luck in your renewed journey.

Lisa Mc

Good luck staying on track.. good job coming here to confess.  It is a long hard road we have ventured down.  Nobody said it would be without detours, but there are no road blocks. 

One question for you since I am not a Barix baby.. what is the 5/30 rule?

rededicate every day if you need to.. we are here for you.  One day at a time

No drinking 5 minutes before a meal and 30 minutes after.  I had completely forgotten about this Barix rule.

that's kind of what I thought it was, but wasn't positive.  Thanks!

Jill,

   I am glad you had the courage to come here the support family to "confess" you still have your tool and it will work for you.  All you can do is take things one day or even one hour at a time .

  We are here when you need us and even when you think you don't we are here. I hope to see you attend some of the support meetings. 

  Thinking good thoughts for you!

Jill, congratulations on facing your demons and re-committing yourself to being healthier and happier. I know the journey won't be an easy one but we're all here to support each other thru the WOW moments and the not-so-WOW moments. Take care and continued success. Kathy

Welcome to the hard part. :)

You might not feel like it right now, but I know that you know what to do.

Journal your intake, follow the rules, and kick up (or on) the exercise level.

Your surgery doesn't have an expiration date, and will work for you if you work for it.

Oh Jill, I'm so sorry you are still having such a hard time! I'm sorry I've been so out of touch. I've been so preoccupied with Hailey but I should have checked up on you. I'm very proud of you for posting here though! That is an amazing step and very brave.

We'll have to meet at E&C for lunch soon...maybe one day next week? Text me or call me and we'll figure it out. Love you.

Jill good for you taking the first steps in changing the behavior.

You CAN do this!!! Just get back on track, like Norm said you know what to do now just do it!

Best of luck and we are here to help

Liz