OT: Reconnecting With Old Acquaintances

* This is a public service announcement from me...* 

Interesting article in the Wall Street Journal today about how easy it has become to reconnect with old flames or friends from our youth via the Internet and various websites and how while it can be very tempting, it can also be very heart-breaking and even dangerous at times - and sometimes it is better to 'let sleeping dogs lie'. Old flames can stir up emotions that haven't been felt in years, only to realize now that they were nothing more than puppy-love; and people we once looked at as friends are now total strangers that we have nothing in common with and can become abusive or worse.

My best friend was recently contacted by an old friend of mine via Classmates - I have not seen or talked to this person since we were in 7th or 8th grade (100 years ago if you're doing the math). She has been trying to 'find' me and asked my bf to pass her e-mail information along so we could reconnect. After much mulling it over I did reach out to this person and sent her a very vague e-mail yesterday and I haven't heard back. And yes, I admit, I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing now, and I honestly don't know why. I'm really wishing I could rescind that e-mail and think it over some more, but its done now so I'll wait and see what happens from here. Honestly I'm not sure what we would even talk about after all these years, but we'll see.

So if you're tempted to contact someone from your past via Facebook, MySpace, Classmates or other sites like that, or are contacted by someone from your past please give it careful consideration before reaching out or accepting that connection. You just can't be sure what you're going to find on the other end. And let's face it - we all change - we grow up - we have different lives and we're certainly not the same person we were in junior high or high school. At least I know I'm not...

I have found my interactions with old flames and friends from HS on Face Book to be pleasurable and healing i a lot of ways. I am sure it can be like this for some people, but I have found it to be a blessing.

There are definitely cases where reconnecting with old friends can be wonderful - my best friend is a person I met in junior high - we were separated when her parents moved to North Carolina for a year or so then rekindled our friendship thru our senior high school years, but once we graduated we sort of drifted apart - she got married and started a family - I did not and moved around a lot. About 18 years ago she decided to look for my parents to see if she could find me and she did, and our friendship has grown and is stronger now than it ever was...so I'm not saying all old acquaintances could be disappointing - some can be very rewarding, but I do think in this day and age of the internet and constant access it could be wise to use some discretion when thinking about reconnecting with our past.

My friend and I were talking about this last night.  I had a girl who "found" me on facebook.  We went through HS together...however in sophmore year we had a big fight and ended up not really speaking or interacting much for the last two years of high school.

When I got the friend request it was sent with a personal message that said something about "Hey - remember me?  What's up?  Just thought I would say hello"

I ended up ignoring the request.  After thinking about it....it just didn't make sense.  It wasn't like we were best friend through HS and went our separate ways after graduation.  There was a reason I hadn't kept in touch with her.

I don't know where I stand on the whole thing, I guess it depends on each individual basis - as there ARE friends I have reconnected with after many years, and am glad I did.

It can be, however, a bit unsettling.

Good luck.

Pam

I have been very selective about who I've contacted on facebook. I don't have my maiden name as part of my ID there, so I would be a little harder for them to find.

No desire to connect with old flames there...

Probably my most disturbing "friend request"  is a man that I dated for a while after my divorce, about 10 years ago. He lives across the country now, and although we parted on fairly decent terms, he is not compatible with me on any level. I've had e mail from him with cursory updates, and then one hinting that he wanted  a current phone number. 

I don't have time for this and certainly don't think it's appropriate to be in touch now that I have remarried.  But I wouldnt put it past him to find a reason to come to PA and show up on my front porch.

I've ignored the request.

I have found many people I had lost touch with. Some.....I became friends with again. Others, I deleted from my FB.

You never know, like you said. So I use my delete button quite frequently. Johnny, however, feels the need to accept EVERY friend requests he gets. I do not agree, but it's on him. I won't say anything unless I feel it's someone inappropriate to look at our family photos. So far, it's been harmless.

it is tricky - Laura had posted on here a while ago that an old flame found her and it turned out to be a dangerous situation (Talking police involvement)

I only friend people that I know and want to talk to. and it is nice that they don't get a message if you delete them!

Funny this should come up.  I was engaged to a guy right after I graduated HS and we moved in together and ended up breaking up and I moved back to my mom's and both of us married other people and went our separate ways and he must have searched for me and saw my brother and asked him if I was his sister and he said yeah who are you and he told him and of course I never involved my brother in my personal stuff and my brother forwarded his info to me so I figured it had been so so so many years later let the past stay there so I contacted him and OMG what a mistake I found out afterwards he had badmouthed me to my brother something I wished my brother had told me beforehand and there were things that a brother should not know about his sister if you catch my drift and I was so angry that I told him off and blocked him.  On the other hand I found someone who I had been good friends with in jr high and high and we ended up in different directions and just re-connected and that was a good thing. But part of my attitude is if I wanted these people in my life they still would have been there after all of these years but hey you never know which is why I am very careful as to how much info I divulge but it could be messy!  I agree we grew up and have different lives and we are not the same people. I would not ever put myself in that position again with an old boyfriend and am grateful for the blocking option. I can remember when Laura had that unfortunate situation its a shame. I listen to Deliah on easy 101.1 and she has people who find old loves and they re-connect and it sounds romantic but it could turn out different too. Proceed with cauction I always say and I learned my lesson on that one.  Another way is that there are reasons why these people are not in our lives.

I totally agree.  People look for me on facebook all the time - - my past is my past and I am only looking at the now and the future.  Great post!