OT-I was just wondering...

do toxic and negative people really rub off on you? I work with a co-worker who is constantly b*tching and complaining about anything and everything. I feel like I am now doing the same thing it's like she is rubbing off me. I mean really in the BIG scheme of things WHY DO WE SWEAT THE SMALL THINGS?? and they really are small things aren't they? Anybody else find themselves in the same predicament?

On occassion, yes I have noticed that.  And my husband who has depressive tendancies, when he is in a bad depression I find myself becoming very much the same way.

At wor****ep my interaction w/ them at a minimum and when I do have interaction with them I don't normally add much to the conversation - I find a lot of people who are like this really don't care if and what you say...so I interject a lot of "oh really's" and "hmmm" type comments.  It doesn't stop their complaining and really nothing will - but it doesn't allow me to become that type of mind set either.

I definately think people's attitudes can rub off on you.

It happens to me. And when I catch it, I make a change quick. But sometimes I don't even realize it.

Yes, they can do that if you allow them to infect you with the negative. I will admit a few years ago I was a major toxic negative person the glass was half empty and knocked over. It took lots of personal growth to see what I was becoming and now I do not want to be that person.

If I find people round me that are too toxic and neagative I will limit or even remove the time I spend with them over time.
Life is way to short to be unhappy! 

YES, limited contact is best. . .  and at my last job, I sat with a woman that was soooo negative, a nice person, but so stuck on negativity, I sat 3 feet from her, I tried helping her for a time, by making suggestions that could help her (mind you she asked, as I don't think I can save anyone) but when I saw that she just did not want to do things differently, I backed off.  When I was in good enough space, it was not too hard to ignore her tendency for negativity, when I was having a tough time, I would seek ways to get away from her, finding things to research on the internet, visiting with you guys here on OH, taking a walk to visit some other work buddy and when she wanted to talk, I just nodded my head at appropriate times, sad but true. . .  people have to want to change their outlook and often times, they just don't.
 
Sending you positive vibes to get through it.

Hugs, Laureen

Laureen,
The problem is that she sits less than 3 feet from me she sits right across from me. I tried the same thing that you did and I am doing the same thing nodding and making mono syllable responses but IT"S SO HARD. She constantly "harasses" me and as you know I am going thru my own problems right now. I feel so depressed.

Any chance you could wear a headset? or put a plant or something to block her direct view?
Chris

Shilpa - I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with this.  I cannot take toxic people like your co-worker.

How much of a problem would it create to just level with her?  Tell her that she is bringing you down and that you really don't want to hear her negative comments all day long.

Sometimes people don't even realize what they are saying and when someone finally steps up and tells them how negative they are, they start to think a little bit before speaking.  Of course, this is a the best case scenario and it could totally blow up in your face, but I would give it a try for your own peace of mind.

Lisa

Shilpa,

I wouldn't say they rub off of on you, per se, but they certainly drain away the positive energy.  You've heard of "energy sinks"?  Well, they're "positivity sinks"...  

I find the best medicine is to inoculate myself by being around positive people whenever possible... online, on the phone, in person, whatever. 

And by all means DON'T ENGAGE with them... you can't change how they feel about things. They are determined to find the negative and if you try and find the positive, they will just dig in even more.  Keep your interactions with them light and professional and avoid the chit chat as much as possible.  And as someone else said - if you can, wear a set of headphones, put a plant or calendar in the line of sight (doesn't have to be obnoxious - just "I got the urge to rearrange a bit!")

Hope it helps.  I really do empathize - had a temporary office-mate earlier this year (she moved into my one-person office while they were doing construction) who was just like that and it was exhausting!

Karen

YES! Some people I know are like anchors around my neck. If I spend too much time with them, I'm drowning before I know it. TOXIC is the perfect word for them and they are toxic to those around them, not just themselves.