Does it change you?????

As many of you know I had a pretty rough summer with some unexpected turns in friendships and relationships in my life.  There have been comments made as to how since I have had the surgery I have changed. 

Some changes have been good...being healthy..eating better...being conscious of my habits and excersising regularly.  These are good changes...but then there are other ...deeper rooted emotional changes that have occured that have changed how I react to situations and to people. 

I do not think at a year and half out that I am the same person I was....but am I so different or so changed by this experience and WLS journey that others do not recognize me at my core being of who I am???????

"You are not the same person anymore..." is something I have heard alot lately....but I don't feel like I am a different person.  I think I am viewing the world and my place in it differently....I think the surgery has given me boundless choices as I no longer feel ashamed to go out and try things....but am I so totally changed???? 

And is it a bad thing if I am completely different now????? What if I do not want to stay the "OLD" Laura anymore???  What if I do want to be a different and better version of myself--is that worng??

So I guess as I continue to walk the path on this journey my question is does WLS change you in significant and fundamental ways--and do you embrace the change within?? I know it has changed me...but I still feel like me...just a healthier version of me..but is it more than that?? Does it change more than just how I see the world but how the world sees me??

What are your thoughts and experiences with this topic???

Much luv!!!
Laura

Laura - I think that this surgery does change us in many ways. I think that some people were in our life because we were the "fat friend" we weren't competition and were just followers. THese people were never true friends but were using us to make themselves feel better. Some people also just like when we are in the corner or following them around and now that we loose the weight and gain confidence and self respect and want to do our own thing they aren't as important. Again I don't feel that these people are true friends. I remember an e-mail about having friends for a day, a season or a lifetime - they all effect our lives in their own way and for the time they are meant to be here. Some people only come and go in a day, others for a season (any period of time) or they are there for a lifetime through thick and thin!

I assure you that you are a good person through and through - we've seen that many times here!

*hugs*

Liz

Laura,

Wow - you certainly ask a great question.  I'm only a little over 4 months out, so can't speak with a long-term perspective, BUT...  I certainly feel myself changing in some fundamental ways that have nothing to do with the physical changes.  

As I took on this challenge in my life, a large part of it was about redefining myself.  Part of that is pushing myself beyond the boundaries I had previously hidden behind, including my fatness.  My weight was a convenient excuse (all my life) for not dealing with members of the opposite sex, for not participating in active group activities where I might embarass myself, for not being the center of attention, etc.  The one time in high school when I dieted like mad over the spring and summer and lost a ton of weight, I went back to school and a bunch of guys were "all over me" .... I had no clue how to handle it and started eating again as quickly as I could so they would stop it and I could go on being reclusive.  

So now that I'm confronting the "WHY" behind my weight as part of taking the weight off, it is definitely changing me.  I'm learning (slowly) to face the things that scare me, one at a time.  And that's not just about so-called self-confidence... it's about believing in myself and being centered.  I'm more comfortable speaking my mind and challenging something that I feel is wrong.  I'm becoming less willing to take crap from people.  

I haven't started hearing "you're a different person" yet... but I kind of expect to at some point.  My best friends have stood by me, supported me, and encouraged me every step of the way... but I also tend to have a few really good, long-term friends rather than a huge "gaggle" of friends the way my girls do.  We've seen each other through so many changes in all our lives that I doubt anything could really tear us apart.

This is a life-changing journey and it's NOT purely about what you put in your mouth.  That's just the symptom.  To really do this, I believe you've got to understand the underlying stuff and address it.  That's what you're describing in your own life, it seems... and that's got to be a positive journey.

I think I described it to someone the other day as helping your true self emerge.  We're all butterflies inside, even though many of us have been caterpillars for a very long time.  This is a process of transformation and emergence, and while the butterfly may feel the same inside as she did when she was a caterpillar, now she can fly!

Karen

you always have such an amazing way of wording things!

I agree!
What do you do for a living...a writer?
Wow!

Pat

Does it change you? Well in my opinion it doesn`t change the real you. The inner person and your core beliefs and values. It may change some outward stuff and activities but anybody that was attracted to the true essence of you before will still be close. If not then they were acquaintances not friends.

Laura,

Everyone changes. None of us are the same person we were a year ago, two years ago, 10 years ago. And when I say all of us, I don't mean "us" as in WLS patients, I mean EVERYONE!

Lord, who wants to be the same all the time? People are continuously changing, growing, learning, maturing and living. So it's not that just "you" are changing. People who are around you are changing too. And they change thier perspective of you. You are not the "fat" friend, teacher, sister, wife, mother anymore.

No matter how many friends we had, relationships we had, or acquaintances we had, they ALL change too as we do. Because what they always saw us as before.....isn't the same. So as we change, so do they.

And even though these people have probably grown and changed personally in some form or another, it's easier to "pick" on you about it because there is a visual change they can pin point it to. Where most people look the same, but change inside. We, as WLS patients have changes emotionally AND physically. So in that sense, people place "blame" on our physical metamorphosis being why we have other changes. And partly, its true. But not entirely.

Never feel bad about not wanting to be the "old" Laura. Hell, I would never want to be the "old" Jodi. And I just don't mean that physically. I wouldn't want to be the Jodi I was 4 years ago. And I was at my lowest weight ever. So I am not referring to "fluffy" old me, just a different me that I have grown away from.

It's not just about weight. It's about growing as a person. Learning new things about yourself. And moving forward in life instead of dwelling on the past.

You are doing great. And as long as you are happy.........then that's all that matters.

I know its changed me in a lot of ways and while most people are very accepting of the new me there are some that challenge it as well. I was always the 'good time party girl' who got plastered at every party and was the center of attention - and while I loved having a good time I know a lot of it was trying to cover up the fact that I was so immense and figured if I was the party girl nobody would notice how fat I was. I can still party with the best of them, but don't - I was a huge beer drinking - not anymore - I do drink wine and vodka but not nearly like I used to and you know what, I'm good with that. I can still have a good time but I know some friends just don't see me in the same light and have made comments about how I'm not that 'fun' anymore. Their loss, not mine.

I also don't take abuse and bullsh*t from my family anymore - I was always the forgiving one - the supportive one for everybody, while nobody ever supported me in my life decisions. I don't take it anymore - and I just don't roll over and let people walk all ove rme anymore either. When my younger sister hurt me earlier this year I was really done with her - this was the 3rd time she had done it and all the other times I was the 'bigger' person who let it go, but this time I was over it - even up to the point the other week when my mother blasted me about it and told me I was only hurting her? I said that's unfair and don't lay your guilt trip on me - my sister is the one who did the hurting so she needs to apologize, and until she does I am done with her - simple as that. So my sister finally did send me a short e-mail apology (because my mother asked her to) - I accepted it, but things will never be the same because I am not the same.

So for those things I do think the surgery has helped me grow and not be the same person I used to be. And I like that, because at the rate I was going with drinking and everything else my life wasn't going to last much longer anyway.

So if people can't accept the changes you've made in your life then like Liz says, they're not true friends, because true friends are happy for you that  you have been able to change for the better not only health wise but mentally as well.

I would hope WLS changes us in significant ways. We all know or should know at this point that weight is just a symptom of some much larger issues. So if you are dealing with those issues, of course you will change. Maybe you are not putting up with anyone's BS anymore. Maybe you are acting like you deserve respect. Maybe you are acting like you have more confidence and self esteem. And if your friends can't accept those changes, that's too bad. I know my BFF is morbidly obese and we talked alot about my losing weight while she did not. She understood that I was willing to end the friendship if I had to. She's my eating buddy. And just like an alcoholic who has to give up the lifestyle, we do to. Also we talked about her possibly being jealous and sabatoging our friendship. But my point is, if they are really good friends, they'll be open with you and work with you.

WLS changing us in more ways than we know. And that is a good thing. Don't for a minute question those changes (unless of course your being an obnoxious BEATCH LOL). Accept the changes and grow from the experience. Otherwise, you've just lost weight and will gain it back

Laura, 

   I sorta asked this question a few weeks ago. Since I have lost the weight I have gained more self respect for myself in the sense that I will not tolerate what I have called bad behavior in my friends. In the past I over looked or was so quick "forgive" because after all they were willing to be my friend and look how fat I was. I speak up and also have even distanced myself from people. 

I have had someone that is a long time friend tell me she is jealous of me we had been drifting apart I had felt but this past year we are in really different people. I knew things were changing when it took her over a week to come see me after surgery. I was almost back to normal before she even bothered to see me. Then we she admitted the jealousy without much detail to explain why. I figured I do not need that in my life and the loss would be her loss not mine.  

I am one that learned to embrace change and always sorta would take the chance to change and grow. So this is one more step in my life's journey and if I grow in ways others can not accept I wish them well and will keep on my journey.

 Jodi said it right everyone changes I think because we also change our outside appearance the core changes also seem to be highlighted.

Great topic!