update on my dad -- prayers please
Oh Lisa - hugs to you, honey!
I know this is so tough for you. My best advice is this:
1. You say that you feel like the outsider while Carol takes care of him... try instead to see how lucky he is to have such an abundance of love in his life that not one, but TWO women love him so much! Her care for him is, in a way, care of you, too.... Find in your heart a way to "share" him because love is indivisible... there's enough love and care to go around and you shouldn't need to feel like an outsider at this point in your relationship with your dad. Otherwise, you'll end up with negative feelings that you'll need to deal with and that can hurt your ongoing relationship with Carol, too.
2. Spend what time you can with your dad, and make sure you tell him everything you need to. This is a time when you can achieve some degree of "closure" in your relationship with him... make sure he knows how loved he is and how his life choices shaped your life in positive ways. You'll never ever regret being there - you WILL regret if you're not there.
3. Rely on your support network to keep other things going... the rest of your life will be there and there's nothing that can't be put on hold or handled by someone else for a time. That's what support networks are for, after all... that, and as shoulders to cry on as needed!
Love and hugs,
Karen
I know this is so tough for you. My best advice is this:
1. You say that you feel like the outsider while Carol takes care of him... try instead to see how lucky he is to have such an abundance of love in his life that not one, but TWO women love him so much! Her care for him is, in a way, care of you, too.... Find in your heart a way to "share" him because love is indivisible... there's enough love and care to go around and you shouldn't need to feel like an outsider at this point in your relationship with your dad. Otherwise, you'll end up with negative feelings that you'll need to deal with and that can hurt your ongoing relationship with Carol, too.
2. Spend what time you can with your dad, and make sure you tell him everything you need to. This is a time when you can achieve some degree of "closure" in your relationship with him... make sure he knows how loved he is and how his life choices shaped your life in positive ways. You'll never ever regret being there - you WILL regret if you're not there.
3. Rely on your support network to keep other things going... the rest of your life will be there and there's nothing that can't be put on hold or handled by someone else for a time. That's what support networks are for, after all... that, and as shoulders to cry on as needed!
Love and hugs,
Karen
Thanks Karen.. maybe the words didn't come out right as far as feeling like an outsider. With my mom, I was the ONE taking care of her and being there day in and day out. It was exhausting, but rewarding all the same. I know I am VERY LUCKY, as is he, to have her in his life. She is a fantastic loving person. My father was never as happy as he has been since he married her 16 years ago. The bond between my father and I grew stronger much in part to this woman. I have no negative feelings whatsoever about her. It is just a different feeling to not be the one to care for him.
My dad and I have talked a lot over the past few years and I don't think we have any unresolved issues.
As far as support, I know I have all of you guys and I have a few other good friends here who I know are here for me anytime day or night.
THANK YOU AGAIN!!!!
My dad and I have talked a lot over the past few years and I don't think we have any unresolved issues.
As far as support, I know I have all of you guys and I have a few other good friends here who I know are here for me anytime day or night.
THANK YOU AGAIN!!!!
My tracker
hers 
Lisa,
I just lost my step mom to pancreatic cancer in May. With her being in Florida I called once a week and even managed to go down 3 times to see her. From being told she had it to her passing was a little shy of 3 months, and in the end she went fast. The last time I saw her she was doing great and 2 weeks later she was gone. It is hard to deal with and to see, but just talking to her and seeing her those few times brought memories that I will always cherish. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and if you need to talk feel free to email me.
I just lost my step mom to pancreatic cancer in May. With her being in Florida I called once a week and even managed to go down 3 times to see her. From being told she had it to her passing was a little shy of 3 months, and in the end she went fast. The last time I saw her she was doing great and 2 weeks later she was gone. It is hard to deal with and to see, but just talking to her and seeing her those few times brought memories that I will always cherish. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and if you need to talk feel free to email me.
Loree
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