update on my dad -- prayers please

So, as you know, my dad has been going through a lot with his pancreatic cancer this summer.  He has basically been in the hospital since May.  There was a 2 week period of time that he went home in June, but then he went back in when he was no longer tolerating the liquids he was on.

My stepmom, Carol,  decided that she has had enough of hospitals.  The treatment for the tumor did nothing.  It has not gotten better and has not gotten worse.  He is too weak to undergo any kind of surgical treatment.  He is being fed through tubes and is drugged up for the pain most of the time. 

Over the past few weeks, Carol has been talking to hospice and home care people and decided that enough is enough.  She brought him home yesterday.  She put a hospital bed in one of their spare bedrooms and got all the stuff she needs to be able to care for him at home.  (She was a home care nurse for many many years before she retired).  She will also get the help from hospice and home health care so the burden is not all on her.    When she called me yesterday to tell me he was coming home, she said that he was not doing well at all.  She is hoping that by bringing him home maybe he will perk up a bit and try to get as close to his normal self as possible.

Things are not looking good right now and I am crying as I type this.  This has been so hard for me to deal with.. even harder than when my mom was sick.  I think with my mom it wasn't so hard because she had been sick with different things for so long and I was the one going to see her every day and taking care of her so that kept my mind busy.  Now, I feel like the outsider while Carol takes care of him.  I have so much going on in my life right now and it's good because it keeps me busy, but I feel like I should be spending more time with him before there is no time left. 

I am going to make a point to get to his house once or twice a week whenever possible. ( he lives up in Lehighton, which is about 30 minutes from me).  I need to be able to be there for him (and for me)

Please keep my dad and all of us in your prayers.  This has been really rough.

Im sorry you are going through this.  Prayers coming for you and your family.

HG

Thanks HG.. appreciate it!

(((Hugs))) Lisa

I have been in your shoes. My mom, sister and I lived at my dad's in shifts. 24 hours per day. Hospice came daily to help with certain things. It was extremely hard. But I am glad we were able to be the ones to take care of him instead of him being in a hospital.

Make sure to call and visit as often as you can. Trust me, all other obligations can wait.

And  this may sound off or maybe not.....but Pampered Chef, the gym, even the synagogue will all be there later. You dad may not. So although you are busy with life, take this time to stop it all and focus on your dad. I am speaking from experience here.

Thanks Jo and you are right.. everything else will still be there later.  The gym is a good stress reliever, but he does come first.  I do try to call every day and talk to either him or his wife... whether he remembers or realizes that I call doesn't matter.  I know that I am doing it.  

I don't know how much time he has left.  Nobody has given us any kind of time frame.  If he does what he used to do, he could hang on for another 20 years.  Unfortunately, this time he is not fighting.  He will be my focus!

Thanks!

Sweetie I am sorry to hear that you are going through this -we are too young to be worrying about sick parents! *hugs* If you need anything let me know! I will be thinking about you, your sister and your dad - thoughts and prayers!

Liz

thanks for being your normal sweet, caring self.

we will keep you and your family in our prayers.

Thanks Ida

Big hugs, Lisa - and Jo is right - try to spend as much time with him as possible now - I know your life is crazy at times but you will feel better knowing you've done as much as you can for him. It sounds like your step-mother is a wonderful person and caregiver, and that has to be some comfort to you as well. Also talk to the hospice workers if you can - sometimes they can offer the family so much care and support and also give you a sense of comfort in the care he is receiving.

I am sending many, many prayers your way and for your dad and family. And let the tears flow when you can - sometimes its the only thing that keeps us sane.