WLS SINGLES,SEPARATED,DIVORCED,UNHAPPY MARRIED

Was just curious about experiences for WLS patients that are single, separated, divorced, how has wls changed for you?

My husbands reply when I mentioned wls was your crazy, easy way out - blah blah bla. So I guess you could say that he wasn't to supportive.  About 2 wks later he asked for a separation and a week after that said that he was going to file for divorce.

I stopped trying to wonder what happened with us after 23 yrs of marriage and being together 5 yrs before that. I am just trying to get myself together and as the name says - be happy.  If anyone knows of different organizations or groups in the western pa area for simular situations, let me know please.

Thanks!!

Dianna

I got seperated/divorced post WLS. All I can say is that it was an experience to understand myself, feel independence, and realize I was worth more than I had been treated.

Each situation is different. But take this time for you. You need it.

And hang in there. Believe it or not, you will probably look back and realize what doors have opened for you.

Dianna,

   I was single orior to getting my surgery and well 8 months after met the man of my dreams...Dennis and low and behold we both our WLS patients! Seems it was destiny! 

Good Luck! 

Dianna, I think the important thing is for you to concentrate on your WLS and its guidelines.   Your husband may or may not come around.  He may have used your determination for surgery as his excuse to leave.  He may be scared he would (still could) lose you to death or another man once you are "hot".  It speaks more for his emotional state than yours.  For those of us that have been around WLS for a while we see that if a marriage was meant to be it will withstand all our emotional changes and physical differences.   This is why it is stressed that while you are doing all the work, it is still necessary to realize this is happening to your spouse too, and they may need counseling on "where they fit in".    I believe Dennis & Co. are starting something to that effect with their Sat. mtgs.  We find out some of our men were chubby chasers and they don't like us thin.  They don't like flappy skin or boobs that look like tube sox.  If your guy's "thingy" got chopped off, or he had a medical emergency and wasn't mentally the same guy suddenly, you might step back too.   Docs say it takes about 2 years to totally get over a "life changing" event such as death, divorce or long term job loss.   I think WLS is a life changing event too.  It takes about 2 years to go through all its phases and establish the new lifestyle.  Cut yourself a break.  Concentrate on being well, the happy will follow.   Most communities run support group adds in their local papers for divorced and single persons/parents.  Most churches do the same.

God bless you as you deal with all of this at this time.  My husband left me during my fatness.  I had other issues, not just weight.  My weight was a visual symbol of everything else that was wrong with me.  After he left, I gained about 60 more pounds, and also went to graduate school to pursue a second career.  I had already been in therapy for my issues and had even done eating disorder treatment.  I kept telling my therapist I would work on my weight, AFTER grad school.  So, I went into another outpatient treatment program in November '05, and lost a little weight.  More importantly, I learned some coping skills, and developed some self-esteem.  In June of '06, I had my consult with the surgeon and in August of '06, three years ago today, I had my RNY. 

My divorce gave me my self, something I never had before.  I would have preferred not being divorced, but I would not be the person I am today, nor have two careers, if I were still married.  I have not dated much, if at all, since my surgery, but that is because I am still working on ME.  I don't want to bring the same issues into any future relationships, nor do I want to just settle for the first thing that comes along.

I am not in your neck of the woods.  I do know that some churches, throughout the country, offer DivorceCare seminars.  I think you can find them on the Internet.

Good luck,
trish