one year = 525,600 minutes = 170 lbs
This is just a little something I wrote last week and read at the Barix post-op meeting last Wednesday night. Since today's my official surgiversary, I figured I would share it here today:
If I think about it, it doesn’t seem possible that my surgery is one year ago. In some ways, I feel like I just had it yesterday. And in other ways, I feel like this is the way it’s always been.
For years, I had avoided even discussing the possibility of weight-loss surgery. As most of you know, if you look for reasons not to do it, you can find dozens of them. The later part of 2007 was a low point in my life. My health had deteriorated to the point that I was taking three daily meds to control my asthma plus often using two different rescue inhalers; the insulin resistance I had battled for years seemed to be turning into full-blown Type 2 diabetes with two more daily meds for that; and my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome was out of control, and also required two more daily meds. I turned 35 in December of 2007, and my primary care doctor said to me “I hope you enjoyed your 35th birthday, because you probably won’t have a 40th."
I had lived for years in denial of how bad my weight problem was. I felt quite successful in other areas of my life, and had a career I was quite proud of, but weight was the one thing I could just never get right. Obesity can be such an isolating and shameful disease, not to mention one that the whole world can clearly see, and for years I felt like I had to try twice as hard just to get people to see past my weight, to really see me. Yes, I had an endocrine disorder and a thyroid disorder, and yes some meds I had been prescribed in my early 20s had caused me to gain a lot of weight which was almost impossible to lose because of the endocrine disorder, and yes, NONE of this was fair, but it was the hand I was dealt. I remember having a moment that December, when I said to myself “It’s time. I want better for myself."
During January, my endocrinologist agreed with my assessment that the insulin resistance had deteriorated into diabetes and sent me for a glucose tolerance test. Technically, you need to take this test twice to confirm the diagnosis. Once was enough for me. I was also dismayed to find out how high up my weight had crept. I had flirted with the 400 lb mark for about a year, bouncing up over it and then back down under it, and was floored that not only had I gone above it, but way above it to 439.
I saw lots of Lap-Band commercials on TV, and that motivated me to start doing some online research. I looked for some information seminars, and found out that there was one being held the very next day at some place in
That seminar was led by Dr. Pupkova, and only a few minutes into it I knew that I wanted the RNY gastric bypass rather than the band, and that I wanted her to be my surgeon. I spoke with her that evening after the seminar, and was quite taken with her frank and honest approach and also her caring manner. The next day, Barix called me to follow-up and I scheduled my consultation for later that month.
My consultation was February 27th, nearly six months before my surgery. Because of my weight, I had quite a few clearances to complete. Sleep study, primary doctor, endocrinologist – those were all pretty easy, and I actually grew to love my CPAP. I also needed a cardiology clearance, and the cardiologist required me to complete a nuclear stress test. I faced the humiliation of calling several hospitals to schedule, only to have them tell me that I was too large for them to do this test. I persisted, and finally had all my testing done by June, and lost the weight that I was required to lose pre-op.
Six months felt like a long time to wait from consultation until surgery, but looking back I am thankful that I had this time. It gave me time to say goodbye to food as my comfort, reward, and best friend, and to reframe my thinking for the new life of good health that I was about to begin.
After passing my PATs, my surgery date was here. I arrived at Barix at 5:30 in the morning, feeling more sure of my decision than I had ever felt about anything. I had some jitters, sure, but I knew without a doubt I was doing the right thing for myself. Truly, it was the right time for me.
And now, here I am, one year later, and I have lost just over 170 lbs. That refrain of “I want better for myself" goes through my mind a lot, and has been joined by another refrain: “Because I can!" Why do I do things like stick to a nutrition plan, track every bite that goes into my mouth, come to support groups, and go to the gym and work out every day? I want better for myself. And why do I do things like walk the mile to my office rather than taking the subway, run around at the beach with my niece and nephews, and buy a season pass to Six Flags and go ride the roller coasters whenever I have time? BECAUSE I CAN! A year ago, I had just about enough energy to get up, go to work, come home, and collapse on the sofa, and that is just no way to live. I want better for myself. I am unbelievably happy to say that the insulin resistance/diabetes has resolved, my asthma is much improved, and my PCOS is improving. Rather than the laundry list of daily meds I used to take, I take just one pill a day for my thyroid, and have a rarely-used rescue inhaler. I truly feel better than I have in years, better than I have at any time in my adult life.
I can’t think about this past year without thinking of all the love and support I have received in this time from my friends and my family. Words cannot adequately express how thankful I am. I have been fortunate enough to have made new friends along the way – friends who understand this journey and this process, because they have been there, too. Your support means the world to me, and my hope is to show my appreciation by continuing to offer to you the same love and support.
Since I started out as a heavyweight, I am not someone who will reach goal by the one-year mark. I know that realistically, my weight-loss goal will be achieved around the 18 to 24 month mark. And so my journey continues, just as it should. I believe that weight-loss surgery is something that should be a journey for life, and I plan to enjoy years of good health, with the help of my tool. Because I want better for myself. And why? Because I can!
