rough days
Hello, everyone...
I'm having a rough few days emotionally, and that's reflecting itself in how I'm feeling physically. I'm so tired I can't wake up in the mornings and I feel like everything is a "chore." It's hard to get up the motivation to do things I need to get done. Haven't accomplished anything close to what I need to do, and just feel negative about stuff ranging from body image to weight loss to whether I can do this. The rational part of my brain is sitting in the background saying "this isn't reality" but the emotional part of my brain is in the driver's seat right now.
Part of it, I think, is helping my friend deal with her husband's impending death. Part is the winding down of summer, Katie going back to school this weekend, stuff at my work, dealing with my hubby being out of work, etc. Lots of stressors there, and significant ones in the mix.
I'm trying to behave and follow the plan, not eat out of emotion, and am doing pretty well with that (despite the 2 SF cookies I had last night at 10:30 when they just wouldn't stop calling me even though I had already had all my protein, fat, and carbs for the day... sigh... gotta get them out of the house, I think). I had to go to the grocery store (after dinner) last night, and found myself prowling the aisles looking for "a treat"... but restrained myself with some difficulty. I was looking, specifically, for ice cream and thankfully they didn't have any of the little snack cups in SF and I knew that if i bought a half gallon that i'd eat way too much of it, so I didn't get any. Felt like a triumph to walk out of there without it, but emotionally feeling dead and couldn't celebrate.
Planning meals and packing lunch and snacks really helps keep me on the plan, as does the accountability of posting things here. And I'm exercising, but kinda feeling like it's going through the motions right now rather than something that my heart is in like it was even a few weeks ago.
I can feel some of the old negative thoughts starting to creep in. I'm approaching onederland, but have "stalled" a little bit and am now fluctuating between 202 and 204 - and feeling like it's a mentally driven stall, not a physical stall. Am I afraid of it? Or what? Sigh. Gotta work through this.
Argh... I hate the "head" part of this process!
Anyway, mostly just need to vent and 'fess up to how I'm feeling right now. It's so wonderful to have a group like this who understands and has been through it.
Karen
I'm having a rough few days emotionally, and that's reflecting itself in how I'm feeling physically. I'm so tired I can't wake up in the mornings and I feel like everything is a "chore." It's hard to get up the motivation to do things I need to get done. Haven't accomplished anything close to what I need to do, and just feel negative about stuff ranging from body image to weight loss to whether I can do this. The rational part of my brain is sitting in the background saying "this isn't reality" but the emotional part of my brain is in the driver's seat right now.
Part of it, I think, is helping my friend deal with her husband's impending death. Part is the winding down of summer, Katie going back to school this weekend, stuff at my work, dealing with my hubby being out of work, etc. Lots of stressors there, and significant ones in the mix.
I'm trying to behave and follow the plan, not eat out of emotion, and am doing pretty well with that (despite the 2 SF cookies I had last night at 10:30 when they just wouldn't stop calling me even though I had already had all my protein, fat, and carbs for the day... sigh... gotta get them out of the house, I think). I had to go to the grocery store (after dinner) last night, and found myself prowling the aisles looking for "a treat"... but restrained myself with some difficulty. I was looking, specifically, for ice cream and thankfully they didn't have any of the little snack cups in SF and I knew that if i bought a half gallon that i'd eat way too much of it, so I didn't get any. Felt like a triumph to walk out of there without it, but emotionally feeling dead and couldn't celebrate.
Planning meals and packing lunch and snacks really helps keep me on the plan, as does the accountability of posting things here. And I'm exercising, but kinda feeling like it's going through the motions right now rather than something that my heart is in like it was even a few weeks ago.
I can feel some of the old negative thoughts starting to creep in. I'm approaching onederland, but have "stalled" a little bit and am now fluctuating between 202 and 204 - and feeling like it's a mentally driven stall, not a physical stall. Am I afraid of it? Or what? Sigh. Gotta work through this.
Argh... I hate the "head" part of this process!
Anyway, mostly just need to vent and 'fess up to how I'm feeling right now. It's so wonderful to have a group like this who understands and has been through it.
Karen
The "head" part is the toughest! It may sound silly but breaking 200 was such a big deal for me I was convinced I was emotionally blocking it. I wrote a list of reasons I might be afraid to break 200. I felt better and eventually did break it.
Are you sure you are not sinking into a depression? Be careful of that!
Otherwise, maybe just give in to it and allow yourself to feel crappy for a while. Just keep taking care of yourself! Walk, meditate, listen to music and keep venting. Hope things turn around for you soon!
Are you sure you are not sinking into a depression? Be careful of that!
Otherwise, maybe just give in to it and allow yourself to feel crappy for a while. Just keep taking care of yourself! Walk, meditate, listen to music and keep venting. Hope things turn around for you soon!
Bonnie
HW 248.9;SW 221; CW 138.7
HW 248.9;SW 221; CW 138.7
Hi Karen,
I generally only lurk,do not often post. However I have seen you on here many times and you are doing fantastic. You are more often than not are very upbeat and give good info and ideas. The fact that you are there for your friend is great, and dealing with those issues is depressing. The good thing about OH is that when some are down, others are up and can offer support. Having not yet had surgery, I can't comment on that,but I know that you are a strong person, it comes through on your posts. So hang in there,be strong.
Hugs
Ena
I generally only lurk,do not often post. However I have seen you on here many times and you are doing fantastic. You are more often than not are very upbeat and give good info and ideas. The fact that you are there for your friend is great, and dealing with those issues is depressing. The good thing about OH is that when some are down, others are up and can offer support. Having not yet had surgery, I can't comment on that,but I know that you are a strong person, it comes through on your posts. So hang in there,be strong.
Hugs
Ena "Journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step."
wow karen, sounds like the repeat of my support group meeting yesterday at Geisinger, I am in the same funk...............but with tears...can't break that 200 for over one year now.......it is a head game, because I saw a girl last week at another group meeting in Orwigsburg, she was 210 pounds and she looked fantastic......(also 30 years old) ........the last time I saw you at Barix you looked wonderful....and I know our heads don't catch up but you do look wonderful.....helping freinds deal with stuff going on wears on you so much.....try and think of a postivie thing each night before you go to bed that has happened to you since WLS, and all the good stuff we have in our lifes to be thankful for.....................they say take one day at a time...right now I am taking one minute at a time.......................................ps..my doc. is having me take a test on my next visit, have to fast for four hours before to see how many calories I am burning now, vs. before surgery. maybe that will help me break the cycle of 202...but if it doens't happen, well it is still 70% weight loss from 3l7 my high.................that is what I was to exspect....and again, never in my life was a size l2 or any smaller, heck, I'm a l4 and I was 14 the last time that happened.....and didn't stay long, really it was l4 1/2 not a reg. l4.................now I am a reg. l4...........................God Bless and I will keep you in my prayers........and your freinds family.............................Lois
Bonnie, Ena, and Lois,
Thanks so much for your replies!
Bonnie and Lois - so i'm NOT the only one! Didn't expect this to be as much of a psychological barrier, so it caught me by surprise... but I guess the whole "onederland" thing is a bigger deal than I had figured. I'm trying to monitor myself pretty carefully in terms of mood - I don't TEND to become depressed (clinically speaking), but that's not to say it can't happen. I'm going to give it a few more days and see how I'm feeling, though...
I like the idea of the positive thoughts before bed - great tool to try!
Ena - I appreciate you coming out of "lurker" status to offer your support. That means a lot!
I do "rationally" know that I've accomplished so much in the past 4 months, and frequently am amazed at what I'm doing on a daily basis and how well I'm feeling. It's just the darned IRrational part that's talking trash right now. Sigh. Wish there were a volume button on that negative voice.
Thank you for your support - it truly does help.
Karen
Thanks so much for your replies!
Bonnie and Lois - so i'm NOT the only one! Didn't expect this to be as much of a psychological barrier, so it caught me by surprise... but I guess the whole "onederland" thing is a bigger deal than I had figured. I'm trying to monitor myself pretty carefully in terms of mood - I don't TEND to become depressed (clinically speaking), but that's not to say it can't happen. I'm going to give it a few more days and see how I'm feeling, though...
I like the idea of the positive thoughts before bed - great tool to try!
Ena - I appreciate you coming out of "lurker" status to offer your support. That means a lot!
I do "rationally" know that I've accomplished so much in the past 4 months, and frequently am amazed at what I'm doing on a daily basis and how well I'm feeling. It's just the darned IRrational part that's talking trash right now. Sigh. Wish there were a volume button on that negative voice.
Thank you for your support - it truly does help.
Karen
Dear Karen,
I totally understand your funk....cause I gots me some funk too!!! My emotional brain is fighting for control.... and I am constantly trying new things to keep it in check.
First of all, give yourself a big hug from me... cause you are achieiving/doing quite a bit..... your personal journey, helping your friend, getting kids ready for school, hubby's situation... did I even mention work....
But give yourself credit for reaching out here for support. Give yourself credit for walking by the treats at the grocery store. Give yourself credit for flirting with Onederland. THE WLS journey is enough of a change to manage let alone everything else you have ....
I've feeling alot of the same.... Maybe we should break out some of that late 70's music from a group called the 'FUNKADELICS' and do some aerobics..... seriously, maybe a change in music.... change in reading materials might offer some fun.
Big Hugs,
Jayne
HAHA - yeah - the FUNKADELICS!!! I've been listening to a lot of salsa music lately to exercise by, but changing it up to some funk might be just the ticket. As long as we don't have to dress like Jane Fonda, I'm up for it!
We've got stalls that we all know to look for... so maybe we also have "funks" to look for too...
Thanks for the hug!
Karen
We've got stalls that we all know to look for... so maybe we also have "funks" to look for too...
Thanks for the hug!
Karen
Karen, I'm shedding some tears for you as I read this because you are such a good person and was very inspirational at Liz's when I met you. You will get through this "one day at a time". Alot of "self-talk" as I see you have been doing. Maybe listening to some inspirational music or readings will help. If not, maybe seek the advice of your Dr. - maybe med to temporarily get you through this. How old is Katie? If your husband is off work, can he help with chores around the house to take the pressure off you.? You are in my prayers......this is a difficult journey. I know I will experience this in the future also.
Margie
Thanks - i appreciate the hugs and the support. Self-talk is helping - trying to bring things to the forefront of my consciousness instead of eating to medicate and induce numbness. I think that's part of it - just emotional exhaustion.
Eddie's been really good about chores around the house, and he's working on a few "pent up" projects that we've just not had the time to get to for years... Katie's 20 (and Becky's 17)... they're both great about helping with things, too, but I also don't want to get too much in the way of them enjoying their summers and their friends. I do call on them "as needed" (even for a mental health shopping trip or whatever), though.
I'm coming to feel like this is just another part of the journey. If it persists, I'll definitely go to the dr., but it would be premature to do that yet, I think.
Thank you... I appreciate the good energy you're sending my way!
Karen
Eddie's been really good about chores around the house, and he's working on a few "pent up" projects that we've just not had the time to get to for years... Katie's 20 (and Becky's 17)... they're both great about helping with things, too, but I also don't want to get too much in the way of them enjoying their summers and their friends. I do call on them "as needed" (even for a mental health shopping trip or whatever), though.
I'm coming to feel like this is just another part of the journey. If it persists, I'll definitely go to the dr., but it would be premature to do that yet, I think.
Thank you... I appreciate the good energy you're sending my way!
Karen
Hey Karen
hang in there- sounds like you have a LOT of stuff going on emotionally right now, from your husband's unemployment, daughter leaving, friend's husband being ill... and you are most likely a care taker and a great support for everyone (like me and many other of us on here I'm sure). Remember to take care of yourself through all this, too.
I think the "funk" periods are part of the process- I've been battling them sometimes too.
It is our brain working it all out, I guess.
Sounds like you are doing a lot to keep focused- give yourself credit for the incredible job you have done! You are completely an inspiration - I am totally impressed that you have been out there running! Motivates me to get to that point too!
hang in there- sounds like you have a LOT of stuff going on emotionally right now, from your husband's unemployment, daughter leaving, friend's husband being ill... and you are most likely a care taker and a great support for everyone (like me and many other of us on here I'm sure). Remember to take care of yourself through all this, too.
I think the "funk" periods are part of the process- I've been battling them sometimes too.
It is our brain working it all out, I guess.
Sounds like you are doing a lot to keep focused- give yourself credit for the incredible job you have done! You are completely an inspiration - I am totally impressed that you have been out there running! Motivates me to get to that point too!
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