I should learn to avoid family outings

Went to a family picnic yesterday. I enjoy my wife's family ............ her four brothers are a riot.  It was great catching up with the Cali crowd who we only see about once or twice a year. Anyway, my sister-in-law and her sister start busting on my decision to pursue WLS ........ IN FRONT OF ALMOST EVERYONE!! I guess in a way it's my fault. I'd called my sister-in-law when I'd first started thinking about surgery. She's a nurse, and I wanted to know as much as possible before making a decision. She made a few valid points, but the majority of the conversation was about someone she knew who wasn't eating enough. At the time I didn't know there could be several reasons for that .............. so I just listened. 
Yesterday I hear about someone who had surgery two months ago. She's had problems, and now will need her gallbladder removed. I know some of you have talked about this on the board, and I've read about it. I still can't say I "get it", but it's on my list of questions when I see Dr. Brader on the 7th. I realize there are always going to be risks with surgery.

Ya know, I honestly wouldn't have minded sitting down IN PRIVATE and talking about my decision.  It may not have changed her opinion, but at least she'd know why I think this is what is best for me. What I do mind is being embarrassed ........ feeling like everyone is thinking "what a loser, has to take the EASY way out".  Oh well ............ I vented .......... today can only be better. Thanks for listening.

**Just reread my post ......... I don't think it easy ........... that's the perception THEY have. Maybe not all of them, but enough to have made the whole situation uncomfortable.

Sometimes family members think they are "helping" by calling us out on our decision in front of others to try to get us to see things their way.  The only thing you can do is be as educated as possible about the surgery and its risks and be comfortable in YOUR DECISION. 

First and foremost --this surgery is NOT the easy way out...it is a tough journey and the surgery itself is only a tool that we use to be successful.  I think that many people only see the "celebrity afters" and don't understand the actual amount of work and lifestyle changes that need to made for the rest our lives in order to keep us healthy. 

Just be the educator to your family and tell them this is your decision and you feel it is the right one for you at this time in your life. 

Good luck!! You know I am always here to listen!!!!!!

Laura

First of all, I commend you on your decision to pursue WLS.  It is a difficult decision when you consider all of the changes that you will make along the journey.  However, the thing that I always stress with patients is that the risk of having the surgery is far less than the risk of staying obese and living with diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, etc.

My own family, except for my daughter, does not support the WLS decision, but it is MY decision.

EVERYONE knows some patient who has not done well, had something bad happen, etc.  It is human nature to focus on the negative.  Should I tell you about the hundreds of patients I have known that have had a positive result with no complications?

You have chosen an excellent surgeon in Dr. Brader.  Continue to get support on this website!

Hello, I agree with Laura...You be the judge and jury...It is your health and your life..Don't let anyone change your mind...I did the ame as you and told a few people before my surgery...They all had bad things to say about it...I even talked to someone who had surgery (RYN) In the end I took the advise of my PCP, my Orthopedic Surgeon (severe lower back pain) and my LapBand surgeon. I then had a long heart to heart talk with my Husband..From there,  I had a heart to heart with myself...I asked questions and researched alot. on the lapband surgery and RYN and chose Lapband...I finally did it for ME and only Me...I want to live forever (I know that isn't possible lol) but I want to be here as long as possible and I want to enjoy my life here on earth and to be here for my kids and grandkids...So, YES> I am glad I had surgery and I would do it again. I am so loving my life more now then ever....I can do things I couldn't do for years and can do things I never would have ever done before...So, you do what is best for you not someone else. Let them talk and let them vent their opion..But, in the end it is You and you alone that knows what is best for you...Good Luck and I wish you the Best in whatever you deciede......
Lucky"

first of all do not avoid any outings meet them head on! Second of all SIL would have been taken aside and said to her "I would appreciate any discussions you want to have with me but in private please" My decision for surgery will not be an open floor topic thank you.  And as far as risk there are with any procedures I don't think there are any exceptions but an even further one should you remain overweight and go thru the health risks. You need to draw your boundaries with everyone as far as you making the choice to do this surgery. I am glad you feel it is best for you so do what is best for you.  I am known for saying "I need to do what I feel is best for me" Don't let anyone ever no matter what make you feel uncomfortable. And if your original conversation with SIL was supposed to be a private one you would do well to remind her of that. Yes she has valid points but you do too and this is a health choice not a vanity one. And there is NOTHING easy about this so when you do this you can tell everyone that.You have nothing to be embarrassed about and the only way the term LOSER will apply to you is when you start losing your weight.  Tomorrow will be better when you do this procedure.  Feel free to ask me anything you want and I also will tell it like it is.  Good luck I wish you well.

As a nurse....that is just ridiculous and unprofessional - even in a FAMILY setting.  She should be ashamed of herself - sadly I doubt she is, however.

As far as the risks...sure there are risks and you know them.  I honestly don't believe gallbladder is a risk of the surgery - gallbladder disease comes from a high fat diet, something many of us have had PRIOR to surgery and then, ironically enough, end up on a low fat diet for quite some time after surgery prior to the galbladder "failing"  The only thing I can figure out is that because we aren't absorbing what litle fat we DO ingest the gallbladder is working just as hard as it was before surgery to process it all.  Either way - a matter of time before gallbladders were removed!

I would suggest calling her and telling her your feelings - but I know in some instances with my family that would make the situation worse, or probably not fix anything at all.

Vent here anytime!  And stand proud!  (I know you already do....) and hopefully *some* of their preceptions will change as you go through the process and see all the work you have to put into it.

Pam

Thanks for the support. 
You probably already know this, but .......... it is so great to talk about these things on this site.  People will never understand unless they walk in our shoes.

By the way, the whole day got better at 10:05AM .............. scored Springsteen tickets for the final Spectrum show.

Springsteen tix!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH HOW JEALOUS AM I NOW!!!!! LOL

Enjoy the show!!!!!

Springsteen!!! Wow I wanna go do you have a date to take?  Do you see me waving my hand yelling oooh oooh ?  Just kidding that is awesome I hope you have a terriffic time.  Good for you seeing the Boss. And as far as the support that is why we are all here.  No one understands better than the ones who have been there and done that.  I agree with Pam's post your SIL should have known better than to do that it also was unprofessional so I would tell her that too. You were discussing it with her in her professional capacity! Anyway leave it behind and move it , its all about you.  Have a great time at the concert and feel free to stay on these boards we all love to pay it forward.  Springstein I so love him!

ALright I am late to the game

Besides the fact that you are seeing an amazing surgeon and one of the most caring I have ever met you are going about this all right and I am confident that you are doing to do great.

I had my gallbladder out at 1 1/2 years post op - Pam went through it with me, it was hell. BUT it can happen to anyone! More fat hits our intestines because we don't absorb it so the gallbladder has to work overtime - I think that's what made mine go bad. I didn't have stones, the gallbladder is a muscle and mine was squeezing in the wrong direction. It hurt like hell but loosing almost 140 pounds was WELL worth even the darkest moments!

There are always going to be skeptics and non-believers and most of the time they are skinny or jealous!

Hang in there and remember that you always have your OH family to get you through the tough times!!!

Liz