thoughts about progressing and successing and our pasts.

So, I just got off the phone with the friend I was talking to last night on facebook.  We were talking about various things, one of them being the surgery and my weight loss.  Last night I told him for the first time HOW I lost the weight.  I guess I just assumed that everyone knew, but realized that he didn't based on various conversations we have had in the past.  When I told him, he didn't say anything..good or bad. 

Today, I asked him what he thought about the way that I lost my weight and he said that it didn't matter.  I have lost it and I am working hard in the gym and eating right and then he asked me why I was so focused on it.  He told me that I should pull the progressing album off of facebook and only keep recent pics of myself on there.  He said that my life is centered on the weight loss thing and I am only going to be really happy when I realize who I am NOW, not who I USED to be.   He said that if my weight loss comes up in a conversation, I should talk about how hard I have worked to get it off and to not even mention the surgery.   I should not make it the focal point of my life. 

I am not sure how to react to that. My weight loss IS the focal point of my life right now. I am damn proud of what I have accomplished.  But, maybe he is right.  I have told everyone about my surgery and was never ashamed.  He didn't make me feel ashamed, but put it into a different light that I never really thought about.

THOUGHTS????

It's YOUR journey so what are your thoughts about it?  I work hard (harder when I interpret them as negative or critical) to take all comments into consideration, especially for the reason that you mentioned - a new/different perspective.  Doesn't mean they're right or wrong.  Just new information for you to look at, process and either keep or discard.  Ultimately whatever expands love in your life is probably the best choice for all.

I think it is good to look at all perspectives and like you, I am damn proud of my accomplishments with regard to this, also of my AA sobreity, but neither of those things totally define me as a person, though they have equally contributed to my overall well being, both physically and emotionally. 

For now, it is still new and I say, enjoy your proud moments and another thing, not sure if he has ever had the issues we have, but truth be told, I think we need never forget, so while your focus may shift in time, we must always remain vigilant of what we have fought so hard to accomplish for therein lies the danger of regain. . .

Laureen

It's about YOU. Remember that. You don't have to take pictures of you off, or not talk about it, or anything. This is YOUR life and YOUR journey.

I am very open about my WLS. I will openly talk about it, answer questions of people who don't understand, etc.

I do not have any Before pictures, or progression pics on any of the social networking sites. Including this one. I have shared them in a post though. I have my own self esteem issues as to why though........another post......LOL.

But my point is, it doesn't matter how someone else thinks you should handle your surgery and accomplishments post surgery. You should do it the way you are happy with.

ETA: This is a new journey for you, so it IS going to be a main focus for a little while. It's kinda like when you first have a baby. It's all you talk about. Over time, you don't love your child any less, but the "new baby" obsession fades. It's the same with surgery, when it's new, its such a main part of things, but as time goes on, it just becomes a part of your normal life even though you still love it just as much. Does that make sense?

I like the baby analogy. makes perfect sense!

Jo is right - your journey is still fresh and new and you have to be focused on it to make it work, to not make yourself sick, to learn how to interpret your new body and what it will and will not tolerate, and how this time your weight loss is going to work - you have the tool you need and you are focused on how to work it.

People who haven't gone thru something like this honestly don't get it - and again to agree with Jo - we are self-absorbed at first and that is not a bad thing - we need to be - this is about us.

I know when I first started dining out with friends the big question would always be 'can you eat this' etc. At this point in my journey I feel pretty 'normal' again and can always find something good to eat on a menu, and nobody raises an eyebrow when I package most of my meal up to take home - we've gotten away from the whole surgery thing - they may ask how my journey is going - how much I've lost, etc. or how I'm feeling, but then that part of the conversation is over and we move on to more topical subjects. You will eventually as well.

As for posting pictures? That's a truly personal thing and if you like having your before and afters posted then go for it. I have mine posted on my profile here and believe me I go in and check them out especially when I feel I'm not doing well on my journey or have hit a stall or something. It gives me encouragement and it does remind me where I came from and where I never wan to return!

Lisa,

I'm glad you brought this up as I have been asking myself the same question that your friend posed to you. I agree with the other posters that this is your journey share as you see fit and be proud of the work you are doing. You have some milestones to reach yet as you approach 1 year out that you will want to shout from the rooftops. So shout away.

For me, I have one goal left, actually 2....that is to reach my goal weight and then maintain forever. When I make goal I plan to remove all of my before photos from facebook and live completely in the present. I'll keep them on OH only to hopefully inspire others. When people ask me how I lost weight I tell them through diet and exercise which is the truth. I only tell people about my RNY if asked directly or if I can use it as a teaching moment.

Good luck and keep up the hard work,
T

Lisa you will never be done with this. You must never be done with this, this weight loss thing. You must always remember your past, your history, your old photos because that IS you. It always was but now you may feel better about Lisa. Your happiness is due to many changes in your life not just this weight loss thing. Whatever you choose to tell others is your choice but what you tell yourself has to be honest and include the good and the not so good of your past. Yes we are all more than our weight loss and we were all more than our weight gain before but it didn't feel like it mattered. Yes we were loved before but maybe we didn't love ourselves as much as we should have. I believe our weight loss must remain a focal point for all of us but it will change over time. Right now your job is to maximize your weight loss and modify your lifestyle. As you approach your goal you will modify yet again to maintain your desired weight and further adapt to your new life and create new goals. Other changes will come and you will meet them. Maintaining your program with proper nutrition from liquids, food, multi-vitamins, exercise, regular doctor visits & bloodwork, support groups and seeing your weight loss thing friends will continue until. Until you are done. Really done. Successing till your last day.

You have every reason to be proud and we are proud of you. By talking about your journey you will inspire others who you don't know. You will inspire them in ways they you may not know, but you do understand. In the future millions will seek the answer we have found. Today we are paving the way and we don't always realize it but we are. Still your journey will always be your personal journey to travel in the way you choose. Whatever makes you happy will work.

All the best,

Dennis    

Lisa - everyone else worded it so well but here is my quick interpretation...

Would you throw away your baby pictures because you are an adult? It is all a part of becoming who we are today and what we will become tomorrow.

You are doing great - flaunt it sister!

Liz

As far as I see it this journey is the focus of our lives rightr now-  years from now it will not be, but I think it has to be our #1 focus and how we define ourselves at the moment to truly embrace the new lifestyle.   
Remember its your journey and other people may have opinions but that doesn't have to effect how we live our lives :)