OT--Issues With a Friend

Sadly your old friend isn't the same person you knew all those years ago, and of course you had no way of knowing that up front. He has gone through a lot in his life and if he cares about you as much as he says he does he will understand your need to cut all ties and that he needs help. Sadly it doesn't sound like he can just be a friend anymore and I'm sorry that you've lost that, but you know he's not the same person he was back then. You didn't make anything worse for him - he did that to himself so please don't blame yourself for his actions - you can't control his any more than he can control you and make you love him. And you can't 'fix' him - he has to find that for himself, and I hope and pray he does.

Drop him like a bad habit.

Attention-craving nonsense. You don't need him or his BS in your life.

Hijack!!  Norm, your new avatar is so handsome and happy looking!   Beats the sh*t out of the old transformer guy.   Congrats btw! 

I now know when I get blunt and sutle I can say I have been Normantized!  Wow Norm! Okay Laura I have to say this the person you knew long ago is not the same person now and I agree with Dennis who sometimes is too wise and I say that with the utmost respect. You did not lead him on and were open and honest with him about being married,  In fact I reconnected with someone recently from 30 years ago who knew I am married and he came onto me and I flat out told him this isn't what this is about.  Reconnecting with people from our past and seeing them on facebook, my space and so on is risky.  Just remember people do not stay the same and I think trying to reach someone who does know him a close friend or family member would be a kind thing to do just do not respond to him when he contacts you. Needless to say I have not spoken to the person from my past since and my husband knows about it so I am comfortable with that. This isn't your fault and you went in with good intentions. Just don't respond to him on facebook.  I had a similiar situation where my brother was on facebook and an ex-boyfriend asked him if he was my brother and he said yes and relayed a message from him and I ended up sorry I did that because all he did was rehash the past and needless to say I have so moved on and he is still living in the past and very unhappy. Also I would document everything just in case you need to have a record of it.  Not trying to scare you just being concerned. You may have to get the authorites involved if it goes beyond the internet.

Laura,

Sever the ties, because this person has some real issues and they have nothing whatsoever to do with you sweetie, perhaps, if you do know his family, as someone else suggested, you might let them know he is really struggling and in need of help, but further than that, it's just not your responsibility. . .

I reconnected with an old boyfriend last fall, now he was my best friend and one of the loves of my life and we had a relationship of over 5 years, after we broke up and once I got over it, we maintained a friendship that eventually included his wife and children, until I married, and at my exhusband's request, I stopped having contact; so when he resurfaced after almost 9 years from our last contact, I was truly happy to hear from him, not as an "in love" kind of feeling.  The reason I tell you this is, I met up with him when I went to visit my daughters and grandchildren last November, he is divorced now and told me that he has always loved me and his one regret was ending our relationship, I told him how flattered I was to hear such a thing and that I loved him too, but not in the same way I did many years ago.  I saw the sadness in his face, it hurt some, but he said he understood and we still have our friendship via phone, IM and e-mail, and that is the difference, he accepts and understands completely that we have moved on in our lives.

Don't worry about fallout, just put yourself first.

Hugs, Laureen 

Everyone pretty much summed up what I had thought.

I think there are a LOT of psychological issues here, not just PTSD from the war.  He obviously had issues before hand and now they are all coming together as one ugly monster.

I would probably just send one email stating everything, stating that be it that he believes it or not, these are HIS issues, not YOUR issues and you and your family need to stay on the path you are on now, and you cannot allow past experiences dictate your future.  I would also include in that email, as a closing line, that you care for him as a friend, and as a fellow human being, and that being said, you must cut ties completely and this is the last he will hear from you.

Take every precaution to make sure he can't contact you, and be ready for anything and everything that may come of your decision.  If he is as mentally unstable as it sounds from this end, he will be angry and will direct that anger towards you, and your family.  Like others, I am not trying to scare you - I am just stating potential outcomes.  Very rarely are people "in his situation" able to see their own faults, and therefore project their feelings onto other people.  Nicole can correct me if I'm using improper psychological terms and/or diagnosis here :)

Good luck sweetie.

Drop him and stay safe.

Pam

Hi Laura - I'm a little late to this thread and everything I want to say has already been mentioned.  Unfortunately, cutting all ties is the safest thing for you to do.
Take care,
Lisa