OT--Issues With a Friend

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I had a male best friend for 14 years. We always hung out. We did everything together. My ex hubby and him became close friends......blah, blah.

After I left my husband we were still friends. And one night he did the same thing to me. Went on and on about how he always loved me but respected my marriage and friendship. I immediately told him that I didn't feel that way. I mean, hell, I loved him to death. But not in a relationship way. He was my best buddy for so many years.

We tried to remain friends after that. Even when I met Johnny, we all hung out a few times. Turns out, when I would walk away, Andy would make ignorant comments to Johnny and run his mouth saying that he loved me and no one else could. Then he would be nice to Johnny when I was around. One night Andy got out of hand and started an argument and tried to start a physical fight with Johnny. That was the last straw for me. Hell I was 30, not 13. And I wasn't dealing with middle school drama. I ended our friendship immediately.

I haven't spoken to him in almost 2.5 years. I miss him terribly sometimes, but realize I did the right thing. When I happen to run into him out somewhere, I just ignore him.

Sounds to me like you need to not worry so much about his feelings at this point. He is acting childish. You were honest and if can't handle that......that is his issue, not yours. Delete him from FB, block him from IM, and email. Don't bother. You tried to open and honest and he is acting 12.

To me it sounds like he is having a hard time adjusting from being out of the army and such... and needs some therapy type help.  I would write him a letter/email and tell him that you will be there as a friend and nothing else... etc... I really wouldn't read to much into "his crap" right now... because he does sound sick... hang in there... because he really really might need a real friend right now and not know it...

Hugs!

Wow, I sound *****y compared to Shannon's post. Guess I am just looking at it as you are married and have a family. Having someone behave that way can cause unnecessary tension in your marriage, even if you aren't trying to.

Sorry to hear about your experience Laura. It's not your fault, you're innocent you've done nothing wrong and it's not your job to fix this. Your friend has changed, he is damaged in some way and needs help that you can't give. My best advice is to cut all ties, delete him but be ready for the fallout. It's terrible to think but he may step up the ranting. You may make a last dish effort to get him to see that he needs help but you and your husband should be prepared if he doesn't listen. Do you know any of his relatives or other friends, anyone who may know of his current life? They need to know about his behavior, that is, if they don't already know. I don't mean to scare you, just concerned. This subject opens up the whole idea of re-connecting with people from your past, or not. There are so many vehicles (Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc.) for this these days and we all need to be aware that it can go badly.
Please be careful and good luck,

Dennis 

Hi Laura - I'm sorry to hear you're going thru this with someone who was supposed to be a friend, but he has some serious issues that you alone cannot fix or help. He knew up front that you were happily married and weren't looking for anything more than his friendship - he chose to tell you he felt otherwise and is now making you feel like the bad guy - you're not - you were just trying to be a friend.

I agree - cut all ties immediately - this man needs help in a big way and hopefully he will get it.