Personality Changes

PS Beth - Your Dennis was one of the first people I met when I began my journey at a Chadds Ford support meeting and I will never forget the time and patience he had with me and my questions (and severe nervousness!!) over the whole process. Everyone at the meeting was wonderful but he just put me so much at ease over everything that I knew it was the right decision for me,  I'll always be grateful to him for that,..he's a good man, and I'm so glad you've found each other. Talk about something the surgery has changed for both of you, eh?!

Kathy....I am glad that Dennis was able to help you find comfort. Did you know he was the very first person I had met when I attended my first pre-op support meeting. I had turned around to leave as I approached the door but I made myself go in and there he was with a smile to welcome me...If I only new 9 months later he would be the love of my life.

He's a charmer, that's for sure - guess its a good thing I was a married woman or maybe that would be my picture with him instead of you - LOL!!! I wonder how many people he has influenced on their journey - now there would be an interesting thread...

Hi Beth,
I think that I became Sybil for a little while. 
I think my head may have spun around a few times ala LInda Blair also.
I think that I still fight the door mat syndrome. It is hard to change that - was a door mat
for so many years.
I have lost some friends, but also found new ones.
I think that overall I am a happier person than I used to be.
I think that life in general goes in cycles and the changes that occur are all part of
lifes journey.  I think that my changes have made me a better person overall.
Tammy

Great topic for discussion and I know that while I have pretty much always been outspoken, I certainly am a lot less inclined to put up with the stuff I used to, as you so well put, the doormat syndrome is gone. . .  we've touched on this one before, but I think it's one that should be talked about every so often, as we are constantly getting new people, some of whom probably have discovered they have a voice that was repressed for a long time . . . 

As for friends I've lost along the way, yes, one or two. . .  I have thoughts on the whys, but the new friends I've made have more than made up for the one or two that have gone by the wayside. . .

See you this evening. . .

Laureen

I am pretty sure OH is going to lose me as a friend because I already posted to this and it dumped my post...humph! 

Anyway....I haven't lost any friends...but I have gained a ton....both WLS related and not.  I have also rekindled old friendships that I let fizzle over the years.  I don't think my personality has changed either, but rather it has found its way back out and has grown.  I am happier, friendlier, funnier, more outgoing....I finally realized that I have a whole lot of great things to offer and will not accept mediocre from someone else...especially a man.  I am willing to try new things and put myself out there.  I say more of what is on my mind without fear that someone won't like me because of my thoughts, words or feelings.  That doesn't mean I don't temper what comes out, but I am not saying what I think I should say to make someone accept me.  I have also learned that I am not responsible for others thoughts, feelings or actions. 

Someone told me something yesterday that I had never heard before...."Don't make someone your priority, if they are only making you their option."  That is a real eye opener....and oh so true. 

HG

Beth-
This is a really great thread to ponder.  I do find that I am returning to the me of "old" ...the girl who a bit more self confident, could be comfortable in her own skin, and wasn't afraid of being noticed....

When I was at the height of my fluffiness (all 300lbs of me) I wore head to toe black in an effort to conceal myself from the outside world and form the notice of others...today I have a whole heck of lot more colorful clothes that I wear proudly---I am no longer ashamed of who I am and what I look like. 

As far as not tolerating behavior--I wont tolerate rude comments from people regarding my "dramatic" weight loss...some people have been accusatory and a bit in my face wanting to know what I have done....now before I would have been cowed by that and just mumbled something and apologized...now I assert myself and tell them what I have done to become HEALTHY...not just skinny.

I haven'tlost any friends on this journey because my closest friends are family and they support me 100%. in this new lifestyle.

I will no longer allow myself to be used as a dorr mat or be treated as one...I had no right to allow that to happen to myself and now that I have dragged my ass out of the mire and muck of depression and unhealthy living...I will never allow people to treat me that way nor will I allow myself to treatme that way.  I respect myself inside and out now...all the time. 

This journey has taught me so much and the changes that I have had personality wise have more to do with a change in my mental attitiude...

I love this quote from Charles Swindoll "I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it.  And so it is with you...we are in charge of our Attitudes!"

And it is true....I can not react by overeating...I can only react by changing my attitude and my outlook to the situation.  This is a huge step in healing for me....

The surgery is only a small part of the process and quite possibly the easier part of the journey.........the mental component is the longer harder journey to sustain but in the end it is sooooo worth it!!

Much luv!!
Laura

You can ask Jeremy and some of my other friends... I'm still the same... I didn't put up with crap back then... and I don't know lol... I learned after grade school that mean people were out there and no matter what I did I would never please them... so screw them lol...  maybe I didn't say it in those terms but it was pretty close lol...

My mom spent her life trying to please/live up to what people wanted... I hate it... she was always so worried about what others thought... my dad told me to be myself... be unique... be true... and not worry what others said... If I wanted to play soccer with the boys go for it... so by the time high school came around I was doing that... did it make me popular with others... no but again... didn't care... plus it was more fun not being popular... didn't have to be a size 0 (I was a size 10-13)... I could eat what I wanted and didn't have to worry what some stupid boyfriend thought etc... by the time I hit college and my weight issues (aka PCOS in full bloom hell)... I was very sure of myself... Jeremy started dating my senior year (he was a freshman)... and 3 years later we got married... he has only known me heavy... so this is pretty exciting for him because this is the lightest he has ever known me lol...

So basically I am still the same pain in the butt that I have always been lol...

Hey Beth,

This is a great topic!!  Glad you brought it up.

I always had somewhat of a big mouth and didn't hold back too often.  My friends would always say "oh, tell Karen to do it...she doesn't care what people think."  But reallly I did and was afraid of the response "oh, shut up fat girl," or whatever insult reply would come back.  So sometimes I would say things and other times not.  Over the years as I got heavier I kept my mouth shut all of the time and let things go and would never speak up.  Well, not no more, girlfriend!!!  If something is bothering me, I'll shout it out to the world.  I don't give a crap who is listening or who it offends.  Garry thinks that I've become *****ier.  I'm like, ah, no...I just have a voice now and I'm going to use it whether you or anyone else likes it.  There were a few times when I myself thought I was a bit more *****ier than I needed to be, so I try to think before I speak!!

As far as friends, I haven't lost any, but at the same time I am not as close as I once was to some of them.  And I don't think it's them...it's actually me.  I'm at a different place in my life now...maybe reverting back to my 20s and going out a lot.  Many of my girlfriends have young little ones and cannot get out as often as I can.  That bothers me a little bit, because they were all great to hang out with and I miss dancing and having fun with them.  It's like we have to set a date up a month or two ahead of time to even see each other...ridiculous.  But I have made so many new friends and GREAT friends - hint, hint - that I am soooooooooooo grateful for and would never have met without this awesome journey I'm on.  So I wouldn't change anything for the world.

So, yes, I have a voice and I'm not afraid to use it.  Door mat be gone!!!  Be proud of what we've become and be happy for our new life....I'm IN LOVE with it...lol!!!