Personality Changes

It is a total given that we change our outward apprearance with this surgery but I am curious as to how many people have had personality changes since this surgery.

Do you find you are not so willing to accept bad behavior from others around you that you did when you were "fat"?
Do you know longer feel you suffer from what I label "door mat" syndrome?

Have you lost any friends (or supposed friends) along this journey?

Any input or feedback welcome and of course this is something I have had deep thoughts on the last few days.....

Hiya Beth,

Yes, I have exprienced changes - more willing to put myself first and less willing to accept the 'bad' from others.  I do feel strange sticking up for myself, but I am overcoming that more each day.   

Once I began to put my needs first, I was surprised to have validation from folks that I knew and have actually turned an acquatence into a friend.  So, I haven't really lost any friends.

I do notice that I can be short tempered  and I am learning to keep my temper in check.

Jayne

It changed me. I was in an abusive marriage. Verbally, mentally and physically. And I put up with it. I felt like I didn't deserve any better. The surgery gave me confidence. I realized I was better than that. I realized I DID deserve to be treated better.

I left 3.5 years ago. And he, till this day, thinks I left because I lost weight and thought I was better than him. He tells people that the reason we aren't together is because the surgery messed everything up between us. And there are people who truly belive that is the case.

I know different and that's all that matters to me. He admits to being abusive but says that had no bearing on our relationship ending. Talk about denial!

Am I still a doormat? Absolutely. I still have self esteem issues. I still don't know how to take a compliment. I still "feel" fat. So I guess I got enough confidence to draw a line. There are certain behaviors from others I will not tolerate.....but I still am a push over about alot of things.

I haven't lost any friends since surgery. Honestly, I am the type to only have a few good friends. And they are all still part of my life.

I feel as if I am pretty much the same. I do have a bit more confidence and find myself "strutting" but other than that I haven't changed.

Now with that said, I was always a very confident person (even at my heaviest) I NEVER accepted bull**** from anyone. I cleaned house of toxic people long long ago and the people who are still in my life are top shelf.

Absolutely!  I feel that I have changed a lot - some may say *****ier - I say more outspoken. I find that people treating people badly or taking advantage really ticks me off and I have a hard time not saying something. I guess I am more willing to put it out there because I am not afraid that the retort is going to be someone calling me "fat and stupid" or otherwise insulting me because of my weight.

I am still a schmooze or a doormat - but it is far less then it ever was!

People have changed in their perception or attitude towards me but I figure that they aren't people I need/want around anyway!

My guess is that most of us gain (lots of) weight due to emotional issues and not the other way around.... so, I don't think we change all that much after losing weight without a tremendous amount of self reflection.  I think that most people who know me would say that I am very confident, and that is certainly the persona I put out there - but that was not the case much of the time.

For me, part of it is that I no longer stuff my feelings by stuffing my face   :)  Instead, I have to face those feelings and deal with them - which I did not do before - so it is a result of the surgery and related weight loss in that way
.
Have I lost "friends" sure - but seriously they really weren't my friends to begin with.  I actually had one friend tell me that she didn't like that fact that I was skinnier than her - hey, at least she was honest!  Others criticize me for being "too skinny" which I am not. Then, there are those friends who you ate with - well, that doesn't work anymore and they are not happy about it.  

People feel very free to criticize in a way they never did when I was fat.  It can be hurtful, but I try to understand where it comes from and if it gets too bad, I disassociate from that person otherwise I might really eat that twinkie!  I am not out to change the world's views on me, just my response to it.

Good luck,
Lou

wow Beth I had to scratch my head and take a deep breath at this one.  I am so quick to tell people where to get off and leave them wondering. I have a "don't care" attitude and do not need other's approval. I am not tolerant of other people's bad behavior although sometimes I wonder if I could have handled things somewhat nicer. I guess I remember when people treated me differently and I am not forgiving of that. Door mat does not apply to me ever again. I have been lucky to have alot of support on this journey. Inside sometimes I am still that shakie fat girl but I don't let it show on the outside and thank God and all of you everyday. I could not have done it without either one of you.  Life is good.

Quite a few people used to call me a ***** now I'm just opinionated.  Go figure.  But somewhere along the line I went from being intelligent to a ditz.  I think my age caught up with me somewhere in the middle and sucked my brain out.  I find myself doing stupid things that I never would have done before.  This is not a good thing, although I have noticed I am more tolerant of others than before.  I tend to laugh things off now that would have given me a stroke before.  Oh my god, I've turned into my Dad.  Help!

Beth

This is a great question, one that I ponder very frequently.  I think it is a great topic for our meetings, either Wed on Saturday.

I definitely feel that I have changed in that I am not willing to accept any old behavior from friends and family.  This has led to a loss of friends ( who were probably not really friends ) and a lessening of contact with certain family members.  I've spoken about this before and one of my thoughts is that because many of us suffered from lack of confidence we were so happy to be considered someone's "friend" that we were likely to tolerate things that others may not.  We may have felt inferior because of our weight and may have just been happy to be included in someone's life.

I have been working on this issue with my therapist and am learning to say no without guilt.

Hmmm, doormat. Maybe in some instances with certain people - mainly family - and I find that I am no longer that person. I'm not sure if it is from becoming a more confident person or turning 50! I no longer let other people's insecurities become my own, tho - I'm not mean, but I'm not a push-over anymore.

I haven't lost any close friends - I have a few that I've had for 25+ years and they've literally loved me thru thick and thin and couldn't be happier for me now, so that's truly a blessing. And yes, I'm 'skinnier' than most of them now and they're okay with that, too.

I've always been fairly outgoing and 'the life of the party' so to speak - the 'Queen' as most of my friends refer to me as, but that was really among my closest friends - in social situations where I wasn't that comfortable I would try to disappear into the background or a corner where my big old body didn't get in everyone's way. Now I'm in the middle of the group wherever we are and very comfortable in my own skin.

And in my neighborhood I am finding that when I walk the dog or ride my bike and encounter neighbors I no longer just smile and keep going - I stop and chat or join in if a group has gathered - I smile a lot more now just knowing I can be out and about and not self conscious about being the largest person in the group. I can comfortably sit down on a neighbors chair and not worrying about fitting, etc.

I guess the bottom line is I finally feel like a normal person - that I blend in with the general population - that I'm not waddling into a room and think everyone is staring because of my weight. I feel that I've finally found that other person that was always hiding inside me.