Okay what is it about me....

that wants everybody come to me with their problems?? Don't get me wrong I love listening to every body's issues and problems but I work with a team of 4 people so we got super close really fast at this new job since all of us were hired from outside of the company. Here is why I am posting this. I just found out that one of the girls who was pregnant was dumped by her boyfriend of 11 years. My friend/co-worker is 38 years old and had a 18 year old son from previous marriage and got pregnant because she had a brain tumor and the radiation failed her BC.Anyway to make a looooog story short this girl is now accused by her 51 year old boyfriend of getting pregnant on purpose. Here is the tricky part this girl told me that she is convinced that the reason her boyfriend of 11 years left her is his psycho ex-wife who has been trying to get back with him. Here is were it gets tricky maybe because my friend is hormonal I don't know but she told me to come over on Friday night to just drive by her ex-BF's house to see if his ex-wife is moving in on him and she is just curious. WTF?? I am not a stalker and I told her it was a bad idea and to let it go. The ex-wife has already accused my friend of stalking her but isn't my friend just re-affirming what the ex-wife thinks all along?? Why the hell didn't I see this?? You think you know somebody after talking to them 8 hours a day for about 7 months, throw them a baby shower and turns out that your friend might not be stable?? WHY the hell does this happen to me?? And it happens all the time. JUST TO ME!! Sorry I am going on and on but I am so upset I am practically in tears. Hubby would just tell me to stay away from her but that's not the solution as we have to work VERY closely with her......

I think that was me when I worked in the office.  I was always the one who people came to with their drama.

That is one reason why I am so glad I work from home!!

Shilpa,

It can be really tough when someone is as generous a soul as you are... the challenge is setting your own boundaries so that people don't take advantage of that generosity.  In my opinion, you need to clearly communicate to the girl that while you are sympathetic to her plight, you cannot involve yourself in it, for your own health and sanity.  You can do that without endangering your working relationship with her... but you might want to consider not letting her in quite so close into your personal life (which is what I meant about the boundaries).

The other thing to consider is whether the brain tumor and/or radiation might be affecting HER behavior and personality... and maybe she's not able to see that.  It's something to keep an eye out for, especially if you feel you know her well and this is very uncharacteristic.

Just some thoughts.

Karen

Shilpa,
You seem like a very compassionate person and I think you answered your own question about WHY it always happens to you. It's good to be helpful and compassionate, but when it starts taking a toll on you, maybe it's time to maintain some distance? I know I used to attract drama everywhere I went, in my family, at work, with friends and it all got to be too much. So I just took a step back and decided not to invest as much in "other" people's problems. It wasn't easy, but my life is much more peaceful and guess what? Everyone learned how to deal with their own problems!

You have a good heart and are obviously a good listener, and even tho we haven't met in person yet I know you have a compassionate soul and are ready to befriend and support those around you. I too have always been the 'go to' person - I have learned over the years that you can listen - you can offer you opinion and a shoulder to cry on if needed, but then you must let their problems be THEIR problems and not take them unto yourself. Its not easy to do, but you need to find a way to be supportive without absorbing their problem.

You're a good person, Shilpa - take comfort in knowing that just by listening sometimes you are being a huge asset to someone struggling with life issues - sometimes all people need is an ear to hear them out without judgement or criticism.

Shilpa,

I could have written this post about being the sounding board for everyone....It is hard but this goes back to that feeling of allowing yourself to be selfish.

I get dailey meditations and this was todays...IT brings it home http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/dailys/774020.html

Hang in there and take care of you first and foremost! 

I guess I am a meanie when someone tries to tell me stuff like that the only thing I say to them is wow I am sorry that its happening to you and when they asked for advice I would sound stupid and say gee I don't know. And I rarely socalize with co-workers outside of work it makes if difficult to work with them and do your job. You need to separate your co-workers from your friends if you know where I am coming from. Sounds like a soap opera so I would detach from these people.  Like I say to my husband go into work be polite and professional and go home.  Mind your own business even if someone comes to you with theirs.  Sorry don't know what to tell you gee I don't know and eventually they get the message.  I always felt I was there to perform a job, get paid and get out of there and start over on monday. I know that the higher ups frown on personal stuff coming into work and there is a good reason for it.  It interferes with work and productivity. Also this "friend" is not your friend she is your co-worker who could be involving you in something dangerous! No one can take advantage of you without your permission I always said. Wise words to live by.

wow you are so nice.......but that isn't always healthy....................you be careful with that trip she wants you to take to be detective Clousseau, going by the house to see who there?  You may end up being hurt, people are crazy and your family needs you first..........YOUR family.....and it is good to be a friend to her, but you have to put boundries, in this case, your ears are what you can lend her, listen, pray.   and Let God............................you must be careful.......................I had a freind (or should I say neighbor who thought her husband was running on her.....and wanted to borrow my car and follow him because he wouldn't recognize our car, didn't happen, felt a bad feeling about it, after all it was our car, our life that that car took to my husands job. etc. etc.   what if thehusband went nuts and saw her. rammed my car!!!!!!   we are talking acquaintances not family, and you need boundries.....................use your EARS....................what if  this preson involved your kids, or husband as part of this because she was emotional and all?   You just never know......better to protect yourself and your family...............................Lois