Confessions of a Frustrated Wife!
Ok,
So my husband drives me absolutely crazy!
(I'm alone in feeling this way...right??? HA!)
I seriously think that he has PMS...woke up this morning jumpy, agitated at every word I utter and ready to argue over anything! He works 12:30 - 9 p.m. tonight and I thought that once he went to work he'd straighten up. I really hoped he'd return this evening realizing how crazy he really was. NO SUCH LUCK!
Instead, he's called me about 4 times to continue fussing about everything from cutting cantaloupe, to Kennywood, to vacations, to band-aids. Incredible!
Yes, I asked him to tell me what was REALLY on his mind, but he insists that there's nothing wrong with him. I've seriously don't know what I can possibly say that I haven't. I've reassured him that we're fine, that he should just calm down...etc. Doesn't work.
(Here's the reason for this "confession" post...)
After our last telephone call, I was so frustrated that I hung up the phone, turned off the television & dvd player (watching High School Musical 3 for the 4th time with my daughter) and said "Let's go...we're going to Dairy Queen!" Yes, I gave into frustration and had a brownie blizzard from DQ.
I know this is totally the WRONG thing to do! No excuses...I used food to soothe my anger. Wrong! How can I avoid doing this in the future???????
Any other suggestions for how to deal with eating out of frustration?
(I'm looking for problem solving about eating, a shoulder to "cry" on and really am not seeking relationship advice. I know men...some men...most men??? are nuts and will handle hubby when he returns home.)
Thanks for listening!
Pat
So my husband drives me absolutely crazy!
(I'm alone in feeling this way...right??? HA!)
I seriously think that he has PMS...woke up this morning jumpy, agitated at every word I utter and ready to argue over anything! He works 12:30 - 9 p.m. tonight and I thought that once he went to work he'd straighten up. I really hoped he'd return this evening realizing how crazy he really was. NO SUCH LUCK!
Instead, he's called me about 4 times to continue fussing about everything from cutting cantaloupe, to Kennywood, to vacations, to band-aids. Incredible!
Yes, I asked him to tell me what was REALLY on his mind, but he insists that there's nothing wrong with him. I've seriously don't know what I can possibly say that I haven't. I've reassured him that we're fine, that he should just calm down...etc. Doesn't work.
(Here's the reason for this "confession" post...)
After our last telephone call, I was so frustrated that I hung up the phone, turned off the television & dvd player (watching High School Musical 3 for the 4th time with my daughter) and said "Let's go...we're going to Dairy Queen!" Yes, I gave into frustration and had a brownie blizzard from DQ.
I know this is totally the WRONG thing to do! No excuses...I used food to soothe my anger. Wrong! How can I avoid doing this in the future???????
Any other suggestions for how to deal with eating out of frustration?
(I'm looking for problem solving about eating, a shoulder to "cry" on and really am not seeking relationship advice. I know men...some men...most men??? are nuts and will handle hubby when he returns home.)
Thanks for listening!
Pat
Pat we all have hormones men and women and they do fluxuate. believe it or not men do get PMS types of mood swings. I dont know if that is his problem, or if he is getting insecure the closer you get to your surgery.
The fact is that after surgery you wont be able to eat your feelings without feeling so sick you want to die. You will have to feel them, and it is gonna suck. You have to put the anger where it belongs.
This is not an easy task, I am sure this goes deeper than cantalope but you know that
The fact is that after surgery you wont be able to eat your feelings without feeling so sick you want to die. You will have to feel them, and it is gonna suck. You have to put the anger where it belongs.
This is not an easy task, I am sure this goes deeper than cantalope but you know that
Nicole,
I know, you're right! I won't be able to eat my feelings away after surgery.
I guess since I couldn't jump in the car and go to the gym, I ran the wrong direction. I know that...and I knew that driving to DQ!
I know that there are a lot of feelings involved in our relationship...good and bad.
I think all relationships have + & - times, and you may be right about the surgery scares...
I'm sure we have lots of hurdles ahead of us.
My question is...what do you do, in the heat of the moment, to relieve stress & frustration?
Thanks for your input.
Pat
I know, you're right! I won't be able to eat my feelings away after surgery.
I guess since I couldn't jump in the car and go to the gym, I ran the wrong direction. I know that...and I knew that driving to DQ!
I know that there are a lot of feelings involved in our relationship...good and bad.
I think all relationships have + & - times, and you may be right about the surgery scares...
I'm sure we have lots of hurdles ahead of us.
My question is...what do you do, in the heat of the moment, to relieve stress & frustration?
Thanks for your input.
Pat
Well, keep in mind that I'm still a newbie at this... BUT... I have been married for over 20 years, so can definitely empathize.
I guess the best thing for me in that situation is to vent (if possible, directly to the person who ticked me off - clearly and respectfully and assertively... if that's not possible, i vent to a sympathetic friend - clearly, assertively and DISrespectfully - haha). Getting the feelings out and articulating WHY I feel so hurt/angry/embarrassed/whatever feels good and ensures that I'm in touch with those feelings. Sometimes, that's enough. Sometimes, it's not.
When it's not, I'm trying to modify my behavior so that I do something that is physically aggressive - like toss the cardio boxing game into the Wii and do a really hard workout... or go for a long, fast walk/run with the music turned up... or shovel some mulch in the backyard. Whatever, as long as it lets me get the anger out and get it to manifest physically... sometimes accompanied by a good cry (i tend to cry from anger more than sadness)... and USUALLY accompanied by my inner (or out loud, if no one can hear me) dialogue of what I'd REALLY like to say, completely uncensored. When I'm done, I feel tired, wrung out, but calm and more in control.
I also try to incorporate into my anger that the other person isn't going to derail me and all the hard work I'm doing. And let that anger reinforce my abstinence decisions...
Doesn't always work, but it's a better strategy for me than running to the fridge. And it's getting to work a little better over time as I get better at facing and articulating those emotions.
I hope this helps a bit.
karen
I guess the best thing for me in that situation is to vent (if possible, directly to the person who ticked me off - clearly and respectfully and assertively... if that's not possible, i vent to a sympathetic friend - clearly, assertively and DISrespectfully - haha). Getting the feelings out and articulating WHY I feel so hurt/angry/embarrassed/whatever feels good and ensures that I'm in touch with those feelings. Sometimes, that's enough. Sometimes, it's not.
When it's not, I'm trying to modify my behavior so that I do something that is physically aggressive - like toss the cardio boxing game into the Wii and do a really hard workout... or go for a long, fast walk/run with the music turned up... or shovel some mulch in the backyard. Whatever, as long as it lets me get the anger out and get it to manifest physically... sometimes accompanied by a good cry (i tend to cry from anger more than sadness)... and USUALLY accompanied by my inner (or out loud, if no one can hear me) dialogue of what I'd REALLY like to say, completely uncensored. When I'm done, I feel tired, wrung out, but calm and more in control.
I also try to incorporate into my anger that the other person isn't going to derail me and all the hard work I'm doing. And let that anger reinforce my abstinence decisions...
Doesn't always work, but it's a better strategy for me than running to the fridge. And it's getting to work a little better over time as I get better at facing and articulating those emotions.
I hope this helps a bit.
karen
Thanks, Karen!
Definately some good suggestions!
I especially like the one about Wii Boxing, as I could do that in front of my 8 year old without burdening her with words. Or a good, fast walk would work. Sounds like you've really got yourself going in the right direction. Good advice!
Thanks! OH...and the next time you want to shovel mulch...feel free to stop by my house
!
Pat
Definately some good suggestions!
I especially like the one about Wii Boxing, as I could do that in front of my 8 year old without burdening her with words. Or a good, fast walk would work. Sounds like you've really got yourself going in the right direction. Good advice!
Thanks! OH...and the next time you want to shovel mulch...feel free to stop by my house
! Pat
So many of us have been there done that in some fashion or another.
Nicole is right.....you will be so sick after surgery if you attempt to do that - you'll never do it again.
Most of the time I end up yelling which ends up in crying which ends up in yelling which ends up with me passing out later on from shear exhaustion. And yes, hubby and I do end up talking about it and figuring it out.
Taking a walk.....the wii fit....whatever. I've written scathing letters to the person who made me feel that way. If words could kill...they would have been dead without even reading the letter!! It really helps to get my frustration out...and then I use that to formulate a LOGICAL coversation to have.
Hang in there!
Pam
Nicole is right.....you will be so sick after surgery if you attempt to do that - you'll never do it again.
Most of the time I end up yelling which ends up in crying which ends up in yelling which ends up with me passing out later on from shear exhaustion. And yes, hubby and I do end up talking about it and figuring it out.
Taking a walk.....the wii fit....whatever. I've written scathing letters to the person who made me feel that way. If words could kill...they would have been dead without even reading the letter!! It really helps to get my frustration out...and then I use that to formulate a LOGICAL coversation to have.
Hang in there!
Pam
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
Pat--
I think everyone gave you excellent advice and insight. But most of all Nicole really hit the nail on the head--after surgery you will not be able to comfort with food so you are going to have to FEEL your feelings. That was a huge step for me as I was a self soother with food...hence my needing the WLS...
It is important to start formulating a plan you can use after surgery for things to do when you are angry, frustrated, sad, scared, or happy (I ate for sad things and I ate for happy things!!! ) My first few months out were fullof tears because I was sooooo lost without having my food to run to whenever I felt out of sorts or depressed. But eventually I learned to talk it out or write it out (usually after a nice good cry!!)
Coming here for support is the best thing for me--whether I just read the posts or have the time to post it always re-centers me on the purpose of the surgery and why I made the decison. The ability to read and post is very helpful and it keeps me accountable to myself..
So next time you are that mad or frustrated--come here first!! Or write it out, work out, and get all the frustration out and then go talk to the person about it.
And as for hubby--I bet he is scared I know mine was--he was freaked out by the whole thing!! But now he is my biggest cheerleader and supporter--it took some time but he got there. Give your hubby time to adjust to this too and he just may surprise you!!!!
I hope that helped a little bit!!
Much luv!!
Laura
I think everyone gave you excellent advice and insight. But most of all Nicole really hit the nail on the head--after surgery you will not be able to comfort with food so you are going to have to FEEL your feelings. That was a huge step for me as I was a self soother with food...hence my needing the WLS...
It is important to start formulating a plan you can use after surgery for things to do when you are angry, frustrated, sad, scared, or happy (I ate for sad things and I ate for happy things!!! ) My first few months out were fullof tears because I was sooooo lost without having my food to run to whenever I felt out of sorts or depressed. But eventually I learned to talk it out or write it out (usually after a nice good cry!!)
Coming here for support is the best thing for me--whether I just read the posts or have the time to post it always re-centers me on the purpose of the surgery and why I made the decison. The ability to read and post is very helpful and it keeps me accountable to myself..
So next time you are that mad or frustrated--come here first!! Or write it out, work out, and get all the frustration out and then go talk to the person about it.
And as for hubby--I bet he is scared I know mine was--he was freaked out by the whole thing!! But now he is my biggest cheerleader and supporter--it took some time but he got there. Give your hubby time to adjust to this too and he just may surprise you!!!!
I hope that helped a little bit!!
Much luv!!
Laura
Laura
"Two roads diverged in a wood..and I took the one less travelled by and that has made all the difference." -Robert Frost
Over 176+ lbs lost since surgery!! :-)
See my profile for my OH Blog!!
Laura & Pam,
Thanks for your responses.
When the hubby returned from work, after starting up again about grocery stores (?what??), I confronted him about the real issue that had him upset. I asked him if it had anything to do with my upcoming surgery. He said "yes" and that he was worried about those related items. I don't know if that was really all of it, but at least saying it stopped him from carrying on further. We talked for a few minutes, with my reassuring him, and he seemed to settle down. We'll see.
Yes, I need to find a new outlet or way to deal with anger/frustration. Running for food will only hurt me. Thanks to all of you ladies, I do have a few new "tricks up my sleeve" for the next time.
Thanks for helping!
Pat
Thanks for your responses.
When the hubby returned from work, after starting up again about grocery stores (?what??), I confronted him about the real issue that had him upset. I asked him if it had anything to do with my upcoming surgery. He said "yes" and that he was worried about those related items. I don't know if that was really all of it, but at least saying it stopped him from carrying on further. We talked for a few minutes, with my reassuring him, and he seemed to settle down. We'll see.
Yes, I need to find a new outlet or way to deal with anger/frustration. Running for food will only hurt me. Thanks to all of you ladies, I do have a few new "tricks up my sleeve" for the next time.
Thanks for helping!
Pat
PAt - sorry i am getting to this the next day. SO been there - we all have! Men react to stress so much differently then we do - namly because they take it out on their wives and come up with these stupid things that are supposedly ticking them off when there were deeper issues. My hubby was against my surgery, I thought that it was going to end my marriage early out. But once I Was home and recovering and he realized that I was OK and happier it got better.
In the future see if your daughter wants to take a walk or play a game - something to get you distracted. Take her somewhere she wants to go - walk around walmart, feed the ducks at the lake - anything to distract you. Or call a WLS buddy!! I'll put my number out there 610-462-1204 that's my cell and I live by crazy hours - out the door around 5:15am don't hesitate to call!
Liz
In the future see if your daughter wants to take a walk or play a game - something to get you distracted. Take her somewhere she wants to go - walk around walmart, feed the ducks at the lake - anything to distract you. Or call a WLS buddy!! I'll put my number out there 610-462-1204 that's my cell and I live by crazy hours - out the door around 5:15am don't hesitate to call!
Liz
This is why I still play puter and video games lol... I take it out in WoW or bug my Sim people lol... it is a great way to take out your anger and such and not hurt anyone around ya lol... that or I tell Lorelei to go bug daddy every 15 or so mins... and she does it lol... gotta love it when the kids listen when they are little like that and you can use them to do funny yet bad things to the hubby lol... shhhh I never said that to you all... so don't get me in trouble!
And Jeremy gets like this every 48 days like clock work... omg he is a mess for 3 days and everything- moody, whiny, etc... argh drives me nuts!!
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