OT--My daughter.. need guidance..support.. LONG post, sorry
For those of you who don't know, my 10 year old daughter has ADHD(which is controlled with meds) and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. She has also been recently diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder and now after this weekend, they finally added depression to the mix.
We had a really rough Saturday and Sunday and I am drained. I'm sure she is, too.
Saturday night after a great night babysitting for my friends' kids, we went home and got into my bed to watch TV. I fell asleep before her 11:00 weekend bedtime. When I woke up at 11:45, she was still in my bed, so I asked her to go in her room to go to sleep. (We have a standing rule that she does not sleep the night in my bed) She didn't want to go, so then I had to start with the counting and threatening to take something away from her. She got up and went in her room, but was screaming at the top of her lungs and crying.. so I went back to the counting thing and told her I was taking her phone from her. She didn't stop the crying, so I took her phone away. Well, that got her out of bed and screaming just as loud if not louder. (remember it's 11:45 at night and I live in an apartment) She came back into my room screaming at me that I don't care about her and what's the big deal about just one night in my room. She said that everyone hates her including me. I know everything that she was saying was a combination of being tired and the depression. I was dealing with all the crying and screaming the best way I could by trying to stay calm and just keep to my guns and tell her that she needed to go in her room and go to bed. She kept going on and on saying things like nobody believes anything she says until she finally told me that she might as well just go in the kitchen and get a knife and kill herself. WHAT?! She's 10.. what 10 year old has it that bad that she even thinks about this? At this point, I had no choice but to take her to the emergency behavioral health unit at LVH-Muhlenberg----again. I had to practically drag her out of the house, but she came crying and screaming most of the way over there. (the knives are now hidden, too)
By the time we got to the hospital, she had calmed herself down, but I still took her in. There was no choice. They took us into the back where they have rooms with just a bed and a table and they take all of your stuff. We waited for 2 hours for the doctor to come into the room. Siehara was able to fall asleep.. I just paced the room like a zombie. The nurses didn't really do anything, nobody talked to me or anything until the doc came back. The doc asked me what had happened and then went in to get the story from her. Well, he woke her up and she was kind of groggy so her story was a little weird, but accurate. She did mention that she didn't mean it when she said that she wanted to kill herself. He just asked me what I wanted to do? Did I think that she would really try to kill herself? and that nobody could really tell what she was really thinking. I didn't know what to do. In my head I knew that I should have them keep her there and try to get more help, but I knew we had this appointment today at Kidspeace and it was 3:00 in the morning at this point so how do you make a sane, logical decision at that time of night? I brought her home and we both went to sleep.
Sunday came and the morning went fine. She woke up, asked for her phone back--which of course I said NO WAY to. She handled that fine. We went over to the nearly new sale at the Jewish Community Center and all was good. Then one of her friends showed up and asked her if she could stay and swim with her at the pool there. Well, I told her I would think about it and let her know. So, she went down to the pool area where her friend was just hanging out with the lifeguard waiting for her parents to join her. I thought about it and remembered that she had a special Girls on the Run practice yesterday so she couldn't stay at the pool. I went down to the pool to tell her that she had a commitment and could't stay. She got mad at me and started to tell me how rude and unfair I was. I told her calmly that it was time to leave and she screamed NO at me. I kept telling her that she could not stay and it was time to go and she just sat there and refused to come with me. Finally I told her that there was a security guard out in the hallway and I was going to go get him to get her out of the pool area. So, of course when I went looking for him, he was not around. I went back in the pool and the lifeguard helped me out by telling her that it was her pool when she was on duty and that she was no longer allowed to stay there because of the way she was acting and talking to me. In the mean time, her friend's father and sister had shown up and were just staring at the situation in shock... her poor friend looked scared out of her mind..
We left the pool and the JCC and went toward the car. She was still crying and when we got into the car she started yelling at me again telling me I was overprotective and it was no big deal if she missed one practice and I was unfair for not letting her spend time with a friend she doesn't see very often. I tried to tell her that all she has to do is pick up the phone and call her friend to do something with her, but of course, she was out of control and didn't hear or want to hear anything I was saying to her. We came home and she was still yelling at me and plopped herself down on my bed. I wanted her in her room so she could calm down so I tried to get her to leave my room, but she refused. She just kept screaming and crying and telling me how much she hates me, how much I hate her, how much nobody likes her, etc, etc..
I called my friend Sarah and she came over to try to talk to her. By the time she got here, Siehara was still in my room, but had calmed down. She wouldn't talk to Sarah, but she did go into her room and ended up falling asleep from the stress of the entire situation. Sarah then talked to me but she has never been in this situation and is not a mental health professional. But, it did help just to be able to talk to someone. After this day, I knew that I should have kept her at the hospital Saturday night. We have constant power struggles and I just don't know how to handle her anymore. She is the nicest, sweetest thing when all is going well for her. But as soon as I tell her NO about something, she flips out. It kills me to see her like this. There is a history of mental health problems in my family. I also take Effexor, but I think mine is pretty much under control. My mother had major issues and my sister also has major issues. My sister has admitted herself to an inpatient MH facility multiple times. My mother was admitted to places multiple times. I am seeing my mother in my daughter. She says a lot of the same things that my mom used to say before she passed away. I don't know how I am going to be strong enough to get through this. Especially now that I have no back up from anyone in the house. My ex didn't do much to support me, but at least he was another presence in the house.
Sorry for such a long vent, but I needed to get it out. Anyone have any advice? We do have the appointment today at a very reputable kids crisis center, so I am trying to have high hopes that we can get the necessary help from them. It has already been such a long road.
We had a really rough Saturday and Sunday and I am drained. I'm sure she is, too.
Saturday night after a great night babysitting for my friends' kids, we went home and got into my bed to watch TV. I fell asleep before her 11:00 weekend bedtime. When I woke up at 11:45, she was still in my bed, so I asked her to go in her room to go to sleep. (We have a standing rule that she does not sleep the night in my bed) She didn't want to go, so then I had to start with the counting and threatening to take something away from her. She got up and went in her room, but was screaming at the top of her lungs and crying.. so I went back to the counting thing and told her I was taking her phone from her. She didn't stop the crying, so I took her phone away. Well, that got her out of bed and screaming just as loud if not louder. (remember it's 11:45 at night and I live in an apartment) She came back into my room screaming at me that I don't care about her and what's the big deal about just one night in my room. She said that everyone hates her including me. I know everything that she was saying was a combination of being tired and the depression. I was dealing with all the crying and screaming the best way I could by trying to stay calm and just keep to my guns and tell her that she needed to go in her room and go to bed. She kept going on and on saying things like nobody believes anything she says until she finally told me that she might as well just go in the kitchen and get a knife and kill herself. WHAT?! She's 10.. what 10 year old has it that bad that she even thinks about this? At this point, I had no choice but to take her to the emergency behavioral health unit at LVH-Muhlenberg----again. I had to practically drag her out of the house, but she came crying and screaming most of the way over there. (the knives are now hidden, too)
By the time we got to the hospital, she had calmed herself down, but I still took her in. There was no choice. They took us into the back where they have rooms with just a bed and a table and they take all of your stuff. We waited for 2 hours for the doctor to come into the room. Siehara was able to fall asleep.. I just paced the room like a zombie. The nurses didn't really do anything, nobody talked to me or anything until the doc came back. The doc asked me what had happened and then went in to get the story from her. Well, he woke her up and she was kind of groggy so her story was a little weird, but accurate. She did mention that she didn't mean it when she said that she wanted to kill herself. He just asked me what I wanted to do? Did I think that she would really try to kill herself? and that nobody could really tell what she was really thinking. I didn't know what to do. In my head I knew that I should have them keep her there and try to get more help, but I knew we had this appointment today at Kidspeace and it was 3:00 in the morning at this point so how do you make a sane, logical decision at that time of night? I brought her home and we both went to sleep.
Sunday came and the morning went fine. She woke up, asked for her phone back--which of course I said NO WAY to. She handled that fine. We went over to the nearly new sale at the Jewish Community Center and all was good. Then one of her friends showed up and asked her if she could stay and swim with her at the pool there. Well, I told her I would think about it and let her know. So, she went down to the pool area where her friend was just hanging out with the lifeguard waiting for her parents to join her. I thought about it and remembered that she had a special Girls on the Run practice yesterday so she couldn't stay at the pool. I went down to the pool to tell her that she had a commitment and could't stay. She got mad at me and started to tell me how rude and unfair I was. I told her calmly that it was time to leave and she screamed NO at me. I kept telling her that she could not stay and it was time to go and she just sat there and refused to come with me. Finally I told her that there was a security guard out in the hallway and I was going to go get him to get her out of the pool area. So, of course when I went looking for him, he was not around. I went back in the pool and the lifeguard helped me out by telling her that it was her pool when she was on duty and that she was no longer allowed to stay there because of the way she was acting and talking to me. In the mean time, her friend's father and sister had shown up and were just staring at the situation in shock... her poor friend looked scared out of her mind..
We left the pool and the JCC and went toward the car. She was still crying and when we got into the car she started yelling at me again telling me I was overprotective and it was no big deal if she missed one practice and I was unfair for not letting her spend time with a friend she doesn't see very often. I tried to tell her that all she has to do is pick up the phone and call her friend to do something with her, but of course, she was out of control and didn't hear or want to hear anything I was saying to her. We came home and she was still yelling at me and plopped herself down on my bed. I wanted her in her room so she could calm down so I tried to get her to leave my room, but she refused. She just kept screaming and crying and telling me how much she hates me, how much I hate her, how much nobody likes her, etc, etc..
I called my friend Sarah and she came over to try to talk to her. By the time she got here, Siehara was still in my room, but had calmed down. She wouldn't talk to Sarah, but she did go into her room and ended up falling asleep from the stress of the entire situation. Sarah then talked to me but she has never been in this situation and is not a mental health professional. But, it did help just to be able to talk to someone. After this day, I knew that I should have kept her at the hospital Saturday night. We have constant power struggles and I just don't know how to handle her anymore. She is the nicest, sweetest thing when all is going well for her. But as soon as I tell her NO about something, she flips out. It kills me to see her like this. There is a history of mental health problems in my family. I also take Effexor, but I think mine is pretty much under control. My mother had major issues and my sister also has major issues. My sister has admitted herself to an inpatient MH facility multiple times. My mother was admitted to places multiple times. I am seeing my mother in my daughter. She says a lot of the same things that my mom used to say before she passed away. I don't know how I am going to be strong enough to get through this. Especially now that I have no back up from anyone in the house. My ex didn't do much to support me, but at least he was another presence in the house.
Sorry for such a long vent, but I needed to get it out. Anyone have any advice? We do have the appointment today at a very reputable kids crisis center, so I am trying to have high hopes that we can get the necessary help from them. It has already been such a long road.
My tracker
hers 
Since I have never had to experience anything like this I obviously have no advice on the subject, but it sounds to me like you're doing all you can to get her help right now and to help yourself through this - I hope they have counseling for you, too, because I'm sure you need to vent to people who can help you get through this. You know you can always come here and vent, but I'm not sure how much professional help is available on this board.
That being said I will send many hugs and prayers your way for you and your daughter - please remember to take care of yourself through all this, too, because you can't help her if you're sick or let your health go.
Take care - Kathy
That being said I will send many hugs and prayers your way for you and your daughter - please remember to take care of yourself through all this, too, because you can't help her if you're sick or let your health go.
Take care - Kathy
'One shoe can change your life'...Cinderella
Lisa you and your daughter are in my prayers.
I had to commit my oldest son to a psych unit when he was 14 and again at 16. We stared seening a consular when he was in the 5th grade. he was just recently diagnosed as bi polar. He is 34 now.
All my best
ellen
I had to commit my oldest son to a psych unit when he was 14 and again at 16. We stared seening a consular when he was in the 5th grade. he was just recently diagnosed as bi polar. He is 34 now.
All my best
ellen
And the journey begins.......
Starting weight 273
Surgery weight 252
Post op weight 191 3/18/10
Starting weight 273
Surgery weight 252
Post op weight 191 3/18/10
I have dealt with this for YEARS, my brother is 3 yrs younger than me has ADHD. ODD, visual perception and the whole nine. My son was diagnosed at 5 with ADHD. After lots of meeting with counselors and such we finally realized that sometimes its better to learn to pick your battles! After many MANY arguments with a 6 yr old.. Kameron was especially defiant at this time!! I learned that with the help of the school and people around me sometimes I had to give him alittle more freedom than i wanted. I still have to hold myself to this. If i kept him from everything he wanted to do because he wasnt listening or having a bad day it only made it 10 X's worse. Learning to deal with it is the hardest and not for the kids but the parents as well. Im not saying your not doing whats best but im trying to give you my perspective on it. Maybe give her alittle leave way. My one suggestion would be she still is young and need her mom. Give her one night a week to hang out with you. Make it a girls night. Movie or paint your nails. Then she gets to sleep with you but it becomes more quality time.
Hope it helps.
Hope it helps.
Lisa, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I know what you're living. Lived it my son's entire life (he moved out last year when he turned 18 but of course it still goes on). ADHD was our first diagnosis. To be closely followed by depression, then Bipolar then IED and ODD. It went up and down over the years - the diagnosis (in addition to everyone's quality of life of course). You have quite a path in front of you. If you want to talk or email back and forth as a form of support please do as I would LOVE to be able to offer you anything that might boost you positively in any way. My son's first hospitalization was at 10, after several incidents involving suicide - one was a kitchen knife. I really have been there so believe me when I say - all the prayers, positive energy, love, support, compassion, understanding is on its way from me to you. And to do it all WHILE doing your own WLS journey, I DON'T know how that feels. So I'm in awe.
k
k
regards, keri 
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain. --Author Uknown
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