When you do something you know you must, but still....
feel like ****
I've been learning alot by myself since my RNY. One thing I realized is that I am not SUPERWOMAN and have limits to what I can do physically and emotionally. I just resigned from a volunteer job that meant quite a great deal to me. I feel like I'm letting everyone down.
It's a busy time at my real job, and we've got some stress in the house due to changes with my job and my husband's health.
I know I need to do this to reduce my stress level, but why is it I feel like I failed ?
I've been learning alot by myself since my RNY. One thing I realized is that I am not SUPERWOMAN and have limits to what I can do physically and emotionally. I just resigned from a volunteer job that meant quite a great deal to me. I feel like I'm letting everyone down.
It's a busy time at my real job, and we've got some stress in the house due to changes with my job and my husband's health.
I know I need to do this to reduce my stress level, but why is it I feel like I failed ?
I understand what you are talking about... but you are right... we aren't super heroes... and after surgery our bodies and our head handle stress differently... esp. if you were a stress eater before surgery... can't be one after surgery...
but you aren't letting people down... and if anyone every says that to ya... tell them to bite ya... now go and relax hehehe... go watch your fave movie or tv show or read a book... and enjoy your less stressful life
but you aren't letting people down... and if anyone every says that to ya... tell them to bite ya... now go and relax hehehe... go watch your fave movie or tv show or read a book... and enjoy your less stressful life
Learning to say "no" for healthy reasons is absolutely one of the hardest lessons many of us have had to learn.
Especially pre op many of us felt like we had to "be there" for anyone and everyone. We may not have been the "good looking" friend or the "skinny" friend or the "active" participant...but damn we were always the one people would go to if they needed something because we would say "yes" with a smile, even if we didn't want to.
It's hard to change that mentality - but do NOT think of it as failing. Remember that you cannot possibly help others if you yourself is falling a part. Your volunteer efforts would be for naught if you can't be helping your husband or navigating the new roles in your job successfully.
Taking care of yourself first is, in the long run, taking care of everyone else around you.
Pam
Especially pre op many of us felt like we had to "be there" for anyone and everyone. We may not have been the "good looking" friend or the "skinny" friend or the "active" participant...but damn we were always the one people would go to if they needed something because we would say "yes" with a smile, even if we didn't want to.
It's hard to change that mentality - but do NOT think of it as failing. Remember that you cannot possibly help others if you yourself is falling a part. Your volunteer efforts would be for naught if you can't be helping your husband or navigating the new roles in your job successfully.
Taking care of yourself first is, in the long run, taking care of everyone else around you.
Pam
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
Jayne,
In many cases, something in our early lives or in the messages society sends us as large people has made us internalize the message that we are "inadequate" in some way. For many of us (particularly women), we react to that by trying to prove that we CAN do everything and that we can be all things to all people. It leads us to not set good boundaries for ourselves (saying "no") and to overcommit, or in some cases to do things that we don't have the resources or time to do well. We then stress over these things, which can make us eat more (if we're stress eaters).
In recovering from overeating, one of the things that I think can help is learning to say "no"... and learning that being kind to ourselves (setting appropriate boundaries on our time and resources) is just as important as being kind to others. It's wonderful that you're taking that step!
It's also natural to feel guilty about it, as you're breaking a long-term pattern of behavior. I think there are probably a lot of us struggling with this issue.
Hang in there, and if any of this seems to resonate with you, consider reading "anatomy of a food addiction" by Anne Katherine. I'm finding it to be really helpful in working through with my self the reasons for being overweight in the first place.
Karen
In many cases, something in our early lives or in the messages society sends us as large people has made us internalize the message that we are "inadequate" in some way. For many of us (particularly women), we react to that by trying to prove that we CAN do everything and that we can be all things to all people. It leads us to not set good boundaries for ourselves (saying "no") and to overcommit, or in some cases to do things that we don't have the resources or time to do well. We then stress over these things, which can make us eat more (if we're stress eaters).
In recovering from overeating, one of the things that I think can help is learning to say "no"... and learning that being kind to ourselves (setting appropriate boundaries on our time and resources) is just as important as being kind to others. It's wonderful that you're taking that step!
It's also natural to feel guilty about it, as you're breaking a long-term pattern of behavior. I think there are probably a lot of us struggling with this issue.
Hang in there, and if any of this seems to resonate with you, consider reading "anatomy of a food addiction" by Anne Katherine. I'm finding it to be really helpful in working through with my self the reasons for being overweight in the first place.
Karen
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