OT: Taking my own advice

OK, I just posted to Tanya's thread about how it helps to write things down and let them go, so I need to follow my own 'advice' and do that here...will try to keep it short.

My BFF (we've been friends since we were 14) is a wonderful person; however, she has a personality that makes it very difficult to love her sometimes and she has lost several close friendships over the years because of it - sadly in her mind nothing is ever her fault - she will always find a way to turn the situation around to make herself look good.

I guess the most irritating thing is her black & white view of things and how she always has to press her point to get it across. This morning in e-mails she's really ticked me off twice and I know if I come back at her it will turn into a battle and possibly a lost friendship, and its not worth it, but after her last e-mail I found myself reaching for pretzels to shove in my mouth - not good.

Earlier today it was about my dog - okay - I'm a goofball when it comes to my little dog - love him like he's a child and an e-mail with a bunch of photos of poodles in various 'costumes' came from her and I sent a message back saying it was silly or something and she wrote back 'OMG you're the one who puts a sweater on her dog and its a DOG' - and yes, in the winter I do put a little sweater on him because he gets cold - get over it. So I let that one go.

Then we've been talking about Curves and she went to mine the other week and commented at how 'weak' the tension was on my equipment compared to hers, so I said there are a lot of older women at mine so maybe they don't crank the tension up as much - this has been sort of an ongoing (relatively DUMB) conversation between us - so last night she goes to Curves and tells her manager about it and tells me this morning that my Curves people aren't doing something right and this is how it should be and "that's the black and white of it".

This is her - she does this ALL THE TIME. She HAS to prove her point to the point where it really ****** me off (and lots of other people!).

OK - I'm done venting and I've put the pretzels away - thanks for listening - I do feel better - sorry you guys had to waste your time with this but it will save my friendship because most of the time I do love her and would miss her friendship terribly...

Kathy

Kathy - sorry to hear that you are going through this. Women can be funny sometimes with things like that. Have you tried just talking to talk to her about things without blaming her specifically? Start things with "I" I feel etc.

Hope that you can work things out! it isn't fair for you to feel like this either!!!!

I wi**** were that easy but I've known her for too long and know that somehow it would come back on me and the friendship would then be over. She has this 'image' of herself that she has to be perfect and right all the time, etc. She would never accept that she has flaws of any kind. I continue to love her for who she is because god knows I have enough faults of my own, but man, sometimes she can make it really tough!!

Kathy,
I don't know if this helps but since you have been friend forever you might want to sit her down and nicely tell her that you love her to death but some of the things she does could offend people and you are only telling her this because you value your friendship and do not want her to rub the people the wrong way. I have a good friend at work that kind of keeps me in line when I feel so strongly about something. Just a thought but good for you for putting those pretzel away. Hang in there nobody ever said friendships are easy.

***Hugs***

See my response to Liz...I appreciate your thoughts but know others who have tried to discuss these things with her and they're no longer friends.

Hi Kathy - your post is interesting.  Mostly because sometimes I have this same bad habit of trying to prove that I am right. 

It mostly occurs with my boyfriend - he'll make a statement about something - for example:
him:  watching an old movie:  "that's Dennis Hopper"
me:   no it's not
him:  "yes it is - hear me now, believe me later"
me:   gets out the laptop and looks it up......yep, it's Dennis Hopper

"hear me now, believe me later" has become our little inside joke.  Sometimes I'm right, sometimes he's right.  I'm very fortunate that he is so easy going.  He never gets mad at me and just sees it as one of my little quirks.

I usually try to catch myself with people other than him, but not always....I just can't help myself.

Thanks for posting - I really made me stop and think.

Lisa

I have an aunt like that.

It's annoying at best, infuriating at worst.

Hi Kathy.

 

I had a friend like that too.  Notice the word "had" because I just couldn't take her anymore.  When I ended our friendship, I very clearly told her the problems, and she protested that I was completely wrong.  At the end of the day, I just looked at her and said "You know what, this is the thing ....it is more important for you to be right than it is to do the right thing. So guess what?  You are right...even if you aren't....and you are also going to end up very very alone."

*hug*

 

I hope this works out better for you guys.  Hang in there.  High maintenance people are tough to deal with.