Please say a prayer for us!
I am asking for some serious prayers from everyone today. First off, baby and I are fine! But things are not well with my new marriage. Im not sure how things got to where they did and Im not sure what to do. But for my families sake could be please say a prayer that everything pans out!
Im so sad, emotional and need some good thoughts! Im trying to remain calm but im not sure how strong i really am at this point.
TIA.
Im so sad, emotional and need some good thoughts! Im trying to remain calm but im not sure how strong i really am at this point.
TIA.
Stop and take a deep breath, Tanya - all marriages go thru rocky times and you guys have been through so much in the past year - and now you're pregnant on top of everything else. I'm sure everyone's emotions are all over the place. Just try not to say anything that you could end up regretting, because from all of your past posts Kelley is your soulmate and you were meant to be together - remember he's been through a lot this year as well with the job market and moving and marriage - its been so much for both of you to absorb and adjust to.
For myself I have found that if one of us blows up we both do, but then one of us has to be the one to come to their sanity and start talking things out - don't let the blow-ups get out of hand.
You're both adults and I know in my heart you can work this out - you've come too far to throw it all away now. Will be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Kathy
For myself I have found that if one of us blows up we both do, but then one of us has to be the one to come to their sanity and start talking things out - don't let the blow-ups get out of hand.
You're both adults and I know in my heart you can work this out - you've come too far to throw it all away now. Will be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Kathy
'One shoe can change your life'...Cinderella
Tanya,
Brian and I went through one of the two roughest periods of our marriage shortly after we got married. The kicker? We had lived together for 3 years prior. What the heck being "married" did to the relationship, I still can't explain. I swear we would be divorced before our 6 mos anniversary.
And then when we moved out here....within 2 weeks Brian and I got into bad and he ended up leaving without another word and without returning my phone calls for 3 days. I know in the long run 3 days is nothing...but when you are in a new house in a new job with (almost) no one around 3 days is a VERY long time.
Take it one day at a time. I know when Brian gets mad...he needs to be left alone. I, on the other hand, need to talk it out.
So it's a tricky balance (for me) to give him his space, let things calm down (I'm talking about giving him space for 24+ hours here...not just a 15 minute time out type deal) and be able to start the "healing process" for my own sanity as well. Because for me, that doesn't start until the talking has started.
Only you and he know how both you and Kelley need to handle this, and both of you will get there.
Like Kathy said, there have been a TON of stressors in your life in the past year. Stressors are not necessarily bad things - good things like WLS, moving, marriage etc are also life stressors. And there comes a time when emotions can't handle just one more thing, like the alarm clock not going off or something stupid like that.
Hang in there doll. It'll get better, even if right now it seems it won't.
Pam
Brian and I went through one of the two roughest periods of our marriage shortly after we got married. The kicker? We had lived together for 3 years prior. What the heck being "married" did to the relationship, I still can't explain. I swear we would be divorced before our 6 mos anniversary.
And then when we moved out here....within 2 weeks Brian and I got into bad and he ended up leaving without another word and without returning my phone calls for 3 days. I know in the long run 3 days is nothing...but when you are in a new house in a new job with (almost) no one around 3 days is a VERY long time.
Take it one day at a time. I know when Brian gets mad...he needs to be left alone. I, on the other hand, need to talk it out.
So it's a tricky balance (for me) to give him his space, let things calm down (I'm talking about giving him space for 24+ hours here...not just a 15 minute time out type deal) and be able to start the "healing process" for my own sanity as well. Because for me, that doesn't start until the talking has started.
Only you and he know how both you and Kelley need to handle this, and both of you will get there.
Like Kathy said, there have been a TON of stressors in your life in the past year. Stressors are not necessarily bad things - good things like WLS, moving, marriage etc are also life stressors. And there comes a time when emotions can't handle just one more thing, like the alarm clock not going off or something stupid like that.
Hang in there doll. It'll get better, even if right now it seems it won't.
Pam
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
Thanks Everyone!! I needed it!! Its been a whirlwind the past few days. My heart has been up and down. My emotions are beyond on overdrive!!
After getting a phone call from my mother in law telling me i needed to get home to talk to kelley i had really pretty much have given up. Things are ok for now. But we need to get some help. And we are planning to. Im hoping it works out. Its been such a crazy day. I feel exhausted!!
Thanks you so much. I feel like i have such an awesome extended family here. Thank you!
After getting a phone call from my mother in law telling me i needed to get home to talk to kelley i had really pretty much have given up. Things are ok for now. But we need to get some help. And we are planning to. Im hoping it works out. Its been such a crazy day. I feel exhausted!!
Thanks you so much. I feel like i have such an awesome extended family here. Thank you!
Tanya,
I've never had the pleasure of meeting you or your husband. But I can definitely empathize with your situation, and would like to offer some advice.
Having a baby is one of the major stressors in life. (The "top" sources of stress are: getting married, having a baby, buying a house, and the death of a spouse) It's a stressor not only because your life will change in amazingly major ways when that child arrives, but also because for the first time in your life you are NOT in control of your body or your emotions. Some of us recall feeling "possessed" during our pregnancies, as we wondered where these strange (over)reactions and emotions were coming from.
Combine that stress with the perfectly natural stresses of working through a new relationship and you have a recipe for marital strife. A new relationship has to work out all of its kinks... figuring out all the things about the new partner that will drive you NUTS once the first blush of the honeymoon has worn off can be a hard time, but it's also completely normal and a part of every relationship.
So how do you get through it? Communication, patience, reminding yourselves of the LOVE that bound you together in the first place. Constantly reminding yourself and your partner that you both committed yourselves to this path, and that you did so because your relationship fulfilled a need that you both have. Remembering that each of you have specific needs and wants and fears and dreams - and respecting that and doing your best to meet those needs. Giving each other space when you need it, and BEING THERE for each other no matter what. ARTICULATING what you need rather than assuming the other person "knows" or "should know" what that need is... giving each other the benefit of the doubt.
And reaching out for support and counseling is NOT failure, not a stigma, not anything to be ashamed of. It's something that's very appropriate as an action for those *****ally do care about the relationship. If you care about it, it's worth working on.
After 21 years of marriage... with our own rocky times sprinkled throughout... I can truly say that ANY worthwhile relationship requires hard work on the part of both partners... and that it's worth it.
Hang in there and I hope it helps!
Karen
I've never had the pleasure of meeting you or your husband. But I can definitely empathize with your situation, and would like to offer some advice.
Having a baby is one of the major stressors in life. (The "top" sources of stress are: getting married, having a baby, buying a house, and the death of a spouse) It's a stressor not only because your life will change in amazingly major ways when that child arrives, but also because for the first time in your life you are NOT in control of your body or your emotions. Some of us recall feeling "possessed" during our pregnancies, as we wondered where these strange (over)reactions and emotions were coming from.
Combine that stress with the perfectly natural stresses of working through a new relationship and you have a recipe for marital strife. A new relationship has to work out all of its kinks... figuring out all the things about the new partner that will drive you NUTS once the first blush of the honeymoon has worn off can be a hard time, but it's also completely normal and a part of every relationship.
So how do you get through it? Communication, patience, reminding yourselves of the LOVE that bound you together in the first place. Constantly reminding yourself and your partner that you both committed yourselves to this path, and that you did so because your relationship fulfilled a need that you both have. Remembering that each of you have specific needs and wants and fears and dreams - and respecting that and doing your best to meet those needs. Giving each other space when you need it, and BEING THERE for each other no matter what. ARTICULATING what you need rather than assuming the other person "knows" or "should know" what that need is... giving each other the benefit of the doubt.
And reaching out for support and counseling is NOT failure, not a stigma, not anything to be ashamed of. It's something that's very appropriate as an action for those *****ally do care about the relationship. If you care about it, it's worth working on.
After 21 years of marriage... with our own rocky times sprinkled throughout... I can truly say that ANY worthwhile relationship requires hard work on the part of both partners... and that it's worth it.
Hang in there and I hope it helps!
Karen
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila & salt and give me a call!Most Active
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