I'm a nervous wreck

So, I've been a really bad post op patient and I haven't been to a follow up yearly appointment since after my first year.  My surgeon changed hospitals and I was apprehensive about following him to his new location because it is really a far drive from where I live.  That's no excuse for not following up with the doc who took over his patients at Barix, but....what can I say, I play favorites.

Anyway, the reason for my nervousness is that I finally wised up and remembered that I am not "normal" on the inside anymore, and that I really should be following up for my health...(it's not just me anymore, I'm a mommy now.)  So, my appointment with Dr. Brader is this Thursday.  I haven't seen this man who "fixed" me, in more than 3 years.  I have been non-compliant with my vitamins, and since my son was born, I have had a 20lb regain.  Dr. Brader is aware of this....I know that from the battery of blood tests he ordered on me to have done (25 vials of blood...yes, I counted) but it's the fact that I have to face him is what's making me nervous.

I think I'm more embarassed than anything else....so maybe nervous isn't a good way to describe it.  However, back in the day, I really was a model patient.  So much so, that Barix wanted to put me on a before/after poster once I hit goal, but I stopped going back....and I never made it to goal.  Can someone please offer some encouragement so that I can walk in that office on Thursday and really own up to my bad behavior and finally get back on the right track?  I'm in dire need of some support right now.  Thanks in advance. 

Honey, you are human. You're not a failure, if that's what you're implying. You know what you did wrong, and there are ways to reverse it. The good thing is you're in good hands. I know you prefer your former Dr, but Barix is known for having the best...Writing this post is a step in the right direction. Admitting to your faults brings about accountability, in my opinion...

"Can someone please offer some encouragement so that I can walk in that office on Thursday and really own up to my bad behavior and finally get back on the right track?"

You've already owned up to your bad behavior.  And just like the little kid who knows he shouldnt' have thrown the ball in the house and then broke a window has to go into daddy's "office" and be punished.....

From what I have seen of Dr. Brader he is a very very wonderful, caring man.  Do I think he will scold you?  Probably not.  Will he tell you what kind of danger you put yourself in?  Yea, probably.  And if you ARE deficient in your labs from being noncompliant w/ your vitamins...he will tell you things that could be affected long term.  And you need to hear them.  Because if hearing possible permament damage is that it takes to scare you into following orders.....then so be it.

I think it is wonderful you are going in to Dr. Braders office - and I'm very very sure he will be glad to see you again and to continue you on your journey.  As far as the 20plb gain after having a baby - fine - I'm sure he won't freak over it.

Go in, acknowledge you were wrong, acknowledge you are there to correct the problems, acknowledge you understand this is for your health, and that you are willing to recommitt.

Pam

Trust me - you will LOVE Dr Brader's new staff!!! I stuck with Barix until he found his new home but have been out there twice now. He is a wonderful man and will not scold you - he will help you get back on track. Kristin the nutritionist will help you get your vitamins back into your regimine and Greg - the exercise guy will give you quick easy to do things to get exercise in too!

Don't worry - you have acknowledged that you haven't been doing well now take the necessary steps to correct it - you already took the 2 hardest ones and called and made the appt and came clean here.

Best of luck and let us know how you make out!

Liz

Hey,
I think you have beaten yourself up enough that Dr. Brader doesn't have to. You've done the work for him. Try to view you upcoming appt. as your opportunity to get expert advice on getting back on track. Recommiting to sticking with the post op program/lifestyle is only going to improve your health and your self esteem. As a parent, you now have so many more reasons for " getting it right". I too have met Dr. Brader only once, I heard him give a talk, and he struck me as a warm and caring person, well worth the extended car ride for a yearly visit or two. I wish you the best as you strive toward your goals.
Chris

You're your own worst judge in this case - you had a baby and gained 20 lbs - not great, but not the end of the world - going back to see Dr Brader is your first step in the right direction. Owning up to not going to follow-ups is another. Our lives get busy - things change - and sometimes its difficult to do what we need to do. Not taking your vitamins has NO excuse, tho - they are critical to people like us so please, please get back on the wagon with those - the last thing you want is to become weak, tired or sick from lack of vitamins.

You're going to have a great visit - you're judging yourself a lot more than Dr Brader will - I'm sure he'll just be thrilled that you've come in to see him and want to get yourself back on track.

Kathy

you will meet with a nut and excercise guy while you are there. and then dr B. He may give you a little bit of a talking to, but his interest will be in getting you back on track. The damage and judgment you have given yourself is way worse than anything you will get from him. You acknowledged your faults and scheduled an appt anyway and are willing to make the drive, there is nothing else he could ask of you at this moment.

I live in lancaster so if you need some support let me know, when is your appt?
Nicole

Thank you everyone for your replies!  I really have been my own worst judge about this situation.  I know what I've been doing is wrong....it goes against everything I promised I was going to change when I decided to get the surgery and change my life.  I'm also looking into getting some therapy in regards to my issues regarding myself.  I tend to put my needs last, even before I became a mom.  When I got pregnant, I called the nutritionist at Barix and did what I had to do to supplement vitamins and protein for my baby....but then once he was born....right off the wagon was where I ended up.

My appointment is this Thursday.  I'm still nervous, but I'm looking forward to getting it over with and starting fresh.  I'm hitting my "reset" button.   Thanks again for all the support!

good luck PM if you want my number so you will have a lancaster contact in case you need someone