NEED SERIOUS ADVICE PLEASE

I am scheduled for surgery Tues March 3. Since this past Wed. I have been really scared and really 2nd guessing this decision to have the RNY. I am really thinking that I should hold off for a while untill I am 100% sure this is right for me. I mean I would have never thought 4 months ago I would be here 2nd guessing myself like this. I have a great surgeon so that is the only thing that I do not fear. It is more personal issues and family support issues. Also the fear of complications etc. Anyway I was just hoping for some advice. Did anyone else have this issue? and if so did you post-pone surgery until you were more prepared. I mean I feel like I am giving up a great opportunity to a better life. I just think that it would be a huge mistake if I am not truly ready. Thanks for your support and advice.

Hi April!  I had a lot of second thoughts!!  Many times also!!  When the time came, I pulled back from a lot of stuff (including the boards here).  I mainly lurked.  I took time for ME!!  I found the "calm before the storm" about 1 week before.  I started blurting it out to people that I was having WLS (hadn't told really anyone until that point).  You need to do what you think is right for YOU!  If you aren't confident, try to dig deep and find out what makes you unsure!  Complications are real, but remember so is success!!!  No one knows which cards they will be dealt.  Go back to the beginning.....what made you choose WLS, what made you choose your Dr, list your pros and cons!!!  Then move forward from there!!

You can do this!  We are here for you, if you need a shoulder to lean on......I'm here!  It is scary, I was scared to death....but I knew it was what I wanted!  I had waited soo long!  My mom told me "you know you are ready when you want it soo bad, you can taste it"!!!  Well I could taste it and it tasted soo good!!

Good luck to you April!  My thoughts will be with you!

it is ok to be scared and 2nd guess yourself with anything major like this... but just think about the end results...
-you will be healthier
-you will extend your life by years and years
-you will help the economy- gotta get new clothes lol
-you will get to see a new side of life
-you will get to try new foods in new and exciting ways
-you will amaze yourself every day..

You have a great doc and will have wonderful care... but vent away here... list why you are scared or 2nd guessing yoursel... ask all the questions you want...

BTW- in my eyes anyone that doesn't support you might not be worth having in your life... family or not... I told everyone that I was having the surgery... and I was lucky that they all supported me... but I was ready to chuck them all if they didn't... I knew that this is my life and it is my right to choose to live it the way I wanted... and I wanted to live... and for that I had to have this surgery...

Sounds like you have most of the normal fears associated with willingly going through a surgical intervention for what you have not been able to do with sheer willpower over the course of your life.  You've gotten some great suggestions already and while I don't think I ever really wanted to back down from my decision, I got nervous near the wire about the possibilities of what lie ahead, it's been 16 months and I am living my life in ways I could not before and while, thusfar, I've had no complications whatsoever, I can say that this was the best decision I made in my life, along with quitting smoking 6 years ago and quitting drinking 21+ years ago.  One last thing, family support is a wonderful thing, but many of us have not had it and one of the reasons it is wise to attend support groups, as well as participate on here is that no one can understand what you are experiencing better than someone who has been there.  So take some quiet time and reflect on the things the other two posters said to you and if you decide to put it off, then make peace with yourself.

Best wishes for whatever you decide is right for you!

Laureen

It is perfectly normal to be having these thoughts and feelings - this isn't like any other surgery you will ever face - this is totally voluntary and something you are doing strictly for yourself.

I don't know what type of personal issues and family support issues you are having and its none of my business, but if you made the decision to have this surgery to improve and prolong your quality of life, then that is the only answer you need.

I was afraid - afraid this would be another failed attempt at losing weight - that I was taking a hugely drastic step and what if it didn't work? What if I couldn't commit to the lifestyle changes I knew I would need to make - but then I looked at my deteriorating health, the numbers on the scale, and the fact that I probably wouldn't live another 10 years if I didn't do this for myself.

Not all of my family members were as supportive as I had hoped - mostly I think they feared for my health during the surgery...but when they saw how committed I was to this they came on board for me.

Remember, you are doing this for yourself and no one else  and you have to be 100% committed to the lifestyle changes that you are going to face. This is not a miracle cure - it is a tool that will work for you if you work with it. Please don't get me wrong - I am far from perfect but I  do know that this works and will work for you if its what you really want.

If you still are not sure talk to Dr Brader - I saw him at a pilgrimage and he seems like an awesome guy and will help you through this process.

Best of luck to you...only you will know what is right for you.

Kathy

MOst of us go thru this phase it is normal.
#1 you have one of the best surgeons out there. I didn;t get nervous enought to want to postpone my surgery I to also had 1 of the best surgeons around and I had the utmost faith & confidence in her that she would pull me thru this w/o complications and I was lookinf forward to my rebirth on the loosers bench. This was the best thing zI could have done for my health
Good Luck with your decision
Susan

April, the unknown is a world of fear to humans.  I went through those exact emotions.  The thing that made me change my mind was that I was Diabetic for only 3.5 years and I didn't want to be Diabetic anymore.  I think that what you're going through is perfectly normal.  You're in a comfort zone and are being taken out of it, that's probably why you're scared.  Although I was a little scared and at times questioned myself, I knew deep in my heart that I was making the right choice because I was choosing to be healthier.

Hope this helps.

Hugs, Ruth

It's not uncommon to be apprehensive about WLS surgery,  after all, it's a pretty major surgery and a life change afterwards.

But just look at your life now:  are you happy with the way your life is?  Can you see the benefits of the WLS?

The complications can happen to anyone;  you can also get hit by another car on the way to work, or fall down the stairs and break your neck; will that stop you from going to work or using the stairs?

I spent six months getting ready and I wasn't going to quit for anything.  I spent hours on the Before & After link, looking at photos of previous OH'ers.  Yeah, some had less than happy lives later, but that couldn't  be put at the door of the WLS;  sometimes bad things DO happen to good people.

All I can say is "Pull up your Big Girl Panties and GO FOR IT!"

I'll watch for your post-op posts about emptying your closets and getting nice new things at Goodwill, and the fun of finding various bones that you'd forgotten you had so close to the surface (Collar bones! the Zyphoid Process! Wrist Bones!).

I hope you will be pleasantly surprised at how good you will feel post-op;  after all, the hospital staff don't want you to feel bad, and neither would your doctor.

Good luck!

I agree with everyone else when we say "we have all felt this way."  I was in similar shoes to yours.  I had personal issues and family support issues as well.  I actually even had some spiritual issues that I had to deal with and overcome.  In the end, I had to answer my own questions and be confident with my answers.  1) Was I prepared to take the risk of complications if it meant  that having surgery could offer me a fuller, happier life....YES. (laparoscopic surgery has much fewer complications than open surgery...which helped aid my decision.  2) Was I prepared to openly admit to my family that this was MY choice, MY body, and MY life and MY way of taking control of things and be confident in my decision (even if they kept telling me it was the easy way out).....YES!  3) What about my love affair with food?  Could I handle not being indulgent, and learn to enjoy things in moderation while making better choices?......YES! YES! YES! 

I'm sure we all have had those moments of utter disappointment, self pity, and embarassment about our bodies, and the choices we've made in life to get as big as we were/are.  But then once you feel confident in your decision to have WLS, all of those bad feelings should go away, or at least lighten a bit because you will know that you are doing the right thing for YOU.  Until you feel that way, you won't be at peace, and doubts will continue to haunt you.  Take time for yourself and really think about what YOU want for the rest of your life.  Because really, it should be all about YOU now, and no longer about food and other people's opinions.  Hope I helped.  Good luck! 

I'm pretty late on posting about this subject....and don't have to much to add.  It is ultimately up to you.  And ultimately the family support thing isn't AS big of a deal - it's nice to have the support - but really - unless they have had the surgery they really can't understand what you are going through and what not.  And if they don't support you tell them to shut the hell up and it's your life anyway.

I had a breakdown the morning of surgery at the hospital. I was literally in the waiting room (the main lobby) crying my eyes out.  Not just a tear or two...I'm talking unable to talk sobbing choking on my own spit type of cry.  I was about 30 seconds from walking out and cancelling right then and there.

However - I got through that moment with my husband and my surgeon and I am so incredibly thankful I did.  By far the BEST decision I have ever made and my life is much more enjoyable now.

Ultimately, though, this is YOUR decision and yours only.  I would call Dr. Brader and speak to him if you are ready....see what he has to say.  You are right - if you cannot come to terms with this and cannot find peace with this - then it will be a rough road ahead.  There are rough spots with EVERYONE during the phases of this journey...some pain some food getting stuck...the foamies...head hunger...at some point in time everyone goes "WTF??" so you need to be ready to tackle these feelings if and when they do come up and that includes not having pre emotions already deep in your heart of "I shouldn't have done this"

Pam