Confessions, ramblings, and a plan

Ok so the past 7 days has been more the hectic and full of stress.  And OBVIOUSLY I have not learned how to handle either of them and still focus on me.

I've been totally out of control.  I've gained about 5 pounds in about 2 weeks.  I'm above my "uh oh" limit which is 130.  I generally hang around 127 and I am about 133-134 right now.

I've been grazing, eating crap like a single serving bag of cool ranch doritos last night at work, 2 cookies at a party...pizza that brian made one night for dinner...my latest food after work has been to come home take a piece of white bread, melt some american cheese on it and have half of a "melted cheese" sandwhich....crackers...pretzels....diet soda...you name something on the no no list I've had it in the past ten days, I can guarantee it.

And I also had 2 wine coolers one day.

Generally speaking I wouldn't feel guilty about the wine coolers.  I can literally count on one hand the times I have drank since surgery.  But I DO feel guilty about the wine coolers because it goes hand in hand with the "things I'm not supposed to do" all wrapped up in one week.

Exercise?  What is this you speak of white man????  Water???  Well I haven't sweated it out by exercising, so it's ok I haven't been drinking it.

So.....this brings me to the plan portion of the post.

I kicked my own A$$ last night on the way home from work.  I really evaluated what in the hell I was doing to myself and WHY I was doing it.  Yes it's stress and lack of planning and lack of time.  The lack of planning goes very closely with lack of time because when I don't plan ahead (like make up my yogurts so they are ready) I don't have something to grab to pack for work and because of the lack of time (and lack of sleep) I don't get up early enough to pack the yogurt if it is not already put in its handy dandy container.  And I hadn't been food shopping for healthy staples like dairy, fruits, veggies etc AND I haven't cooked most of the past 10 days because I haven't been home so there hasn't even been things like chicken in the fridge.  They are all frozen uncooked lumps of protein sitting in my freezer.

So - I got out of work early last night (at about 3:30)  Instead of going home and going to bed I bought a BIG smar****er and went to Giant.  Picked up my dairy foods and what not.  Prepped them when I got home.  Some time on Sunday I will be cooking up a bunch of proteins to grab for lunches and dinners at home.  I made extra of the garbanzo bean and edamame salad that I will be bringing to Liz's at some point to keep here for my meals as well.  I dumped the last two wine coolers that were in the fridge down the sink so I don't drink them.  I bought a case of water at Giant and crystal lite packets also to pack for work (If I don't bring it with me I don't drink water)

I will be at the gym sometime today and then definately sometime on Sunday.

Ok....why post this at all?  One because I realize whole heartedly that being on these boards, for me, helps me to stay accountable.  I haven't been as active as i like on the boards due to my schedule and therefore feel "disconnected" not just from the boards, but from myself.  Is this to say the boards is the only thing to keep me on track?  No, as greg said, you guys can help tie my shoes, but only I can do the walking.  But having the help is definately a HUGE part for me. 

Secondly - for everyone to understand we ALL have bad days, weeks, hours, moments, months, years, WHATEVER.  I've been told by many here (which I still have trouble believing) so many comments about being inspiring and what not and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for those comments - but please understand - it's an uphill battle for me, too, especially at 16mos out, and it's a daily struggle each and every minute of some days.

Ok...so I think I covered each topic of the title - confessions - rambling (most of my posts end up rambling anyway...) and the plan.

You are not alone. Not at all. I go through stages like that more frequently than I'd like. I blame mine on working full time having 3 kids and oh yeah.......the "old" I'm pregnant excuse. Sometimes you just have to step back a minute and think "what the hell am I doing?"

I just went through the same realization this week. I have gained more than I wanted or should. (I know I will gain pregnancy weight people don't flame me about that.!) But I have almost hit my total pregnancy weight gain mark and still have 2 months to go! So it's me junking on foods!

I ran out of protein months ago and never bothered to get more. I got my ass online on tuesday and ordered 4 containers of it. Got it last night and started portioning out little containers of my scoops to take to work. I cooked extra protein on the grill etc..........

Time can get away from us so easily. And sometimes when you do get a free moment, you just want to relax and that's when I let things just go.

So I guess I am confessing with you. And trying to be accountable also. So I am right there with ya. Going to the gym isn't an option for me. till I get 3 kids off in the morning, get to work by 7, then get off get home and make dinner, I don't have time to go to a gym because the remainder of my evening is homework, getting kids thier showers/baths, doing laundry, dishes, the list goes on.

So I just got a Gazelle off of Craig's list that I will pick up on saturday. And Johnny bought me the Wii fit. So I am going to make effort to do some exercise at home so I don't use the excuse about not exercising because I can't get to a gym. I can very well exercise at home. It may not be the same, but it's still movement and buring calories and staying in somewhat shape.

Thanks for posting this. I am getting on track right along with ya.

LAdies - I am right there with ya - Exercise is a 4 letter word! I have really good intentions but when you are out of the house 12-14 hours a day then have to come home and cook dinner you really don't feel like exercising! Most nights I feel like I Would pass out if I do it from shear exhaustion. I don't have a desk job primarily - I am constantly running around. Also, I get up at 4:30am - I don't think that I can do with much less sleep then I already am. When spring/summer/fall comes back around I will be outside busting my hump in the yard - have I mentioned that I HATE winter!!

I have found that what I have to do is on sunday I prep things in little containers / baggies for the week. I slice an entire block of cheese, portion out pretzels, make pudding cups, put margarine and creamcheese in a container to keep in the fridge at work if I have an english muffin, stack the fage yogurts. I even go as far as to separate the bananans some weeks! I am also starting to cook massive amounts over the weekend of protein and stash them in little bags too - I have no problem snacking on a bag of steak bits for a mid day snack at work - sure beats chips!

I have however been guilty of eating a small bag of potato chips - reduced fat - but it still scared me!

Here's to de-stressing, simplifying and gettin gback on track!

Liz

Honey...you are right, we all go down that road.  The key is to realize what is going on, bang a U-y and get yourself going down the right path again.  Good for you! 

HG

I've gained 2 pounds, haven't worked out in three days, and think about beer whenever I'm not thinking about sex. I'm a slug, and I'm totally with ya. We'll get through it.

Hey guys, it happens!

I was sick Monday-Wednesday, and didn't go to the gym and didn't follow my eating plan. Could've eaten well, but oh hey, cheap donuts in the cafeteria? Sign me up! Naseating gas pain and awful bloating, yes, I'll have that as well!

I didn't go to the gym Thursday strictly out of laziness. I did however, eat just fine.

I was back in the gym this morning, and I feel great.

We all know what we're supposed to be doing.

Not doing your best yesterday doesn't write you a pass to do the same today. It's an easy trap to fall into. Been there, done that, bought the shirt, fatted out of it, then had to shrink my ass back into it.

So let's all dust ourselves off, own up to our excesses and excuses and make ourselves the priority we deserve to be.

Oh, and Pam (I'm sure you know this, but wine coolers are mostly sugar with a shot of wine). Bleh. Get a bottle of cheap wine and mix some with Diet Sprite or 7up! It's better for you, plus you can make it as strong as you want.

"Nauseating gas pains and bloating I'll have that as well" Yea...I had that too after one or two of my eating ridiculousness the past few days as well.  Stooopid.

As far as the wine...yea...I know it doesn't have much wine it.  Basically why I like em.  I don't like wine. 

I think what scares me is that I am headed down that owning the shirt and fatting out of it - and I'd really prefer to lick it before that part happens.

Thanks, norm.  As always - great advice from a fabulous wealth of knowledge and insite

Pam

   Me....Grey Goose on the rox....I don't do bubbles!

Norm is right, as usual, a couple days off is not a license to loathe ourselves, but I think he has more strength and years of experience getting back in the groove than some; me certainly.  My confession...I fatted out of my t-shirt too.   Getting back in IS tougher the second time around.  This far out we think we licked it.  NO DO!  The Original Plan still works people so get back to it.   the white powders!  They were disguised as doritoes, cookies, pizza dough, bread...and the *******s will multiply  if locked inside a belly together to plot and plan.   Cook up that protein, dole out that fage....I know the hardest thing to do is put yourself first Pam, your schedule has been tough lately, but you 'kin' do it!!!!   (Maybe you've identified a work benchmark you need to recognize as your limit before eating goes South?)   We all HAVE to do it.   "Nurse Talk" yourself into it.

P.S - Cheryl, you about made me pee my pants with that sex remark...you go girl! 

For the LONGEST time work was NOT a problem for me.  It was, however, my BIGGEST problem before my surgery.

Suddenly now work is as big, if not a bigger, problem than it was before.  And I realize that....and now have to continue my plan to watch it especially there.  The problems mostly arise when I don't pack my food.  There's nothing good there that is READILY available and truth be told we have a wonderful salad bar in the cafeteria - which is open 5 nights a week from 1a-4a.  Now, getting the time to get there, get the food, and eat it, HA!  I say that happens about once a month.

So yes...I will nurse talk myself into it...and I will ensure no more white powders are added to the revolting group already inside of me.

Thanks Jackie, another great source of wisdom and expertise!

Pam

wow  reading these post make me realize  i need to go to the gym after writing this i didnt go last two days and i feel like a bumm i was stressing thru school and crap i been eating right  thats a good thing  but i know i need to be at the gym tomake me happy  so ill see you all saturday    oh im gonna hit the gym even beofre i come to liz's house  hehehe  hugss alll



♥♥George♥♥