Hi All, Need some Advice!!

Ok, where do I start? I have been thinking about WLS for many years. I started the  journey over this past summer. I done all the insurance requirements. When I started I was 242lbs, not the heaviest I have ever been. I have lost some weight just by modifying my diet through advice from my Nut and excersice. I am scheduled for surgery on March 3, 09. I currently weigh 224lbs and am doing great. I do have type 2 diabetes and take daily medication at this time. I have lost weight in the past and was taken off the medication till I gained the weight back. I am now at the point that I am so scared about the surgery. Scared of complications, hair loss, etc.. I am sure that everyone has the same fears as well before. I am just so confused now. I sort of feel like I am doing well losing at the moment on my own. But I also know I have lost before and gained it back. Just looking for some opinions, support or advice. Thanks in advance!!I also realized that I forgot to mention that I also have a husband who is completely against my decision for the WLS. He is afraid that I am going to die, and that it is not worth it. I just can't get him to understand how much better it will make my life to be a normal size and healthy. I have tried to educate him and include him the best I can but it really doesn't help. I definitely don't want his feelings to stop me if it is what I choose.

Hi April,

First of all, having a good support system is so necessary.  I wouldn't do it if my husband was against it.   HOWEVER, education and knowledge is the key.  Are there any clinics or a support group that your surgeon gives?  I think if he understood more about it, he may come around.  It may take awhile.  Alot of family fears are based on not knowing enough.  Also, your fears are real.  For example, it took me a year to decide to have the surgery but that was after my surgeon required I do a packet.  This packet was geared towards preparing you physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I had to type out a 7 -9 page letter stating why I felt I needed the surgery and why I thought I was ready. Also it required letters from my immediate family members showing support and from my family doctor.  I had to get specific questions answered by 10 post op patients.  Also a psychological exam is required. I was more than prepared due to reading the patient manual and studying.  This is a major decision and you really should have a good support system set up beforehand.  Take time for this.  Don't go through this in stress and division in your family.  Huuuugzzzz

It is a very difficult decision to make, but you are the one who must make it for yourself and once you do, then you will have to be strong and tell those around you that you are doing it for yourself. I just got my OH magazine and there was an excellent article in there about it.

I lost 33 lbs going thru my insurance requirements (altho I weighed a lot more than you at the start), and then another 17 before I had my surgery - my surgeon jokingly asked me why I needed him the day they were prepping me for surgery because I had already lost 50 on my own - like most I'd lost 50 so many times over the years I lost count - and when I gained the 50 back it brought along a lot of friends with it. I told him I needed him for the next 100/150!

It took me a long time to face the fact that I needed help - serious help - in losing and keeping off my excess weight - once I made the decision I was scared - cried every time I told somebody I was having the surgery - but I never waivered once from that decision from the moment I made it - I knew it was the right thing for me.

And maybe that's where you need to be - if you're still not sure this is the right decision for you, then don't go through with it right now. You have to have your head wrapped around the fact that your whole style of eating, exercising, socializing and living is going to change a lot - especially in the first year. And yes, you'll probably lose some hair - most of us do - but you won't go bald - and it will come back as your diet and protein levels increase and improve.

I wish you all the best - find some books at the library or go on line and read up as much as you can about this - and I'm sure a lot of people will respond to this post.

Wish you all the best with whatever road you choose.

Kathy

Hi April,

I don't think too many people who travel this road, do so without serious considerations to all the things you mentioned and I believe that by the time many of us make this decision, it is because we have exhausted all other avenues and feel that this would best serve our health and well being.  That being said, I also need to tell you that Dr. Brader is a wonderful surgeon, many of the people I know have had his skilled hands do their work on them and are living healthy, full lives now, however, you need to realize that without seriously being ready to change your relationship with food and being willing to do the things that Dr. Brader and his team tell you must be done to have a lifetime of "successing" to coin a word from Shauna.  Dr. Brader will do his part, but the rest lies in your hands, since having our stoma's made smaller helps accomplish the short term goals of losing the weight and regaining a sense of health and well being, but does not address the bigger issues, which is us and what we do, hence the reason some people regain their weight. 

So surgically speaking, I can say you are in great hands, the rest will be the choices you make and the exercise regime you follow for the rest of your life.  If you change your mind about doing this surgically, there is nothing wrong with that, it is truly a personal choice and I have known some who in the 11th hour changed their mind.  The surgical intervention will always be an option for you, either way, you need support and the willingness to live your life differently from what you have been doing in the past.  In the end, it is a personal choice.

Best wishes whatever your decision is and remember this is a site to support those in need of help who are facing challenges due to obesity, so whether you chose surgical intervention or not you are still able to participate in the support to be had here. . .

Laureen

P.S.  I can also say that even with the hair loss (which by the way, it does grow back) and other things such as gall bladder and/or more serious complications, I have heard it over and over again, that they are happy and would have this surgery over again in a heartbeat.

congrats for taking the step to make yourself healthier...

But, Doc. Brader is one of the best in the state... you are in amazing hands... he was to be my doctor until he left for Lancaster.. and I will always tell my friends if they need gastric bypass he is a great man to go to...

We all have questions and worries before hand... so ask away and nothing is silly...

Hi. I live in Lancaster and Dr Brader was my surgeon at Barix. You are in excellent hands with him. I am less worried about anything bad happening to you on the operating table than I am with your support system. This process is hard enough with a supportive spouse or partner. I am worried about the impact it will have on your relationship.
I strongly suggest you discuss your fears with Dr B or you and your husband should go see someone to talk this all out before you have the surgery. This forum is an excellent place to get support and information. Maybe he needs more education about this. Have him come on here and ask us questions.
Please let me know your contact info so that I can stay in touch with you and the board during your surgery so I can let them know how you are. I would also like to come see you if I can while you are in the hospital
Nicole

First of all you need to do what is right for you not other people. I made the choice because I had tried other avenues. Hair grows back. When I went in for my surgery I had lost 13 pounds before surgery, on my doctor's diet and for a split second I thougth shoot I can do this on my own and then I said Linda who are you kidding and proceeded to have it done. Anyone who walks thru our doors if they don't tell you they were scared they were either full pf poo poo or they had had enough of being overweight and were ready mentally and physically for the change. Its a whole new lifestyle and there is nothing easy about it. They took good care of me at the Barix and I would reccommend them to anyone. We have a great support group, great doctors, great nutrionist, great staff. Yes its dangerous but so is any other kind of surgery. There are no guarantees in life but I can tell you right now my only regret was I wish I had done it sooner than being in my 50's. I started at 246 and am down to 166 7 months later and I will never look back. Yes my lifestyle of eating has changed but that is what brought me there. Ask questions, talk to people go to pr-op meetings. Where do you start? I hope I was able to answer your questions. Good luck and take care.

Hey There! I am a Brader Baby too - and my husband was 100% against my surgery. He was afraid that he was going to loose me. He didn't go to any of the prep appointments with me, he didn't go with me to the hospital. WE are now closer then we have ever been. We did have a few major fights over it but I did this for me and NO ONE else. He DID come around when he saw that I Was ok and feeling better then I ever had. Now that I am 2+ years post op he tells me that he is proud of me and all of the decisions that I made.

Your fears are normal - many people have them! This is a major life altering operation. But let me tell you that Dr Brader is an expert. You are in the best of hands and the entire staff there is fantastic. I travel almost 2 hours to see him for my appointments and wouldn't think of going somwhere else.

I'm not sure where you live, but I am having a support group / cooking class at my house in Easton on 2/28 and would love for you and your husband to join us - maybe getting Chris' persepective on things and getting to talk to another Husband about it might ease his fears? AND seeing many people who have been operated on by DR Brader up to 4 YEARS out and still successing would help him. PLease don't hesitate to contact me via PM, e-mail ([email protected]) or call me 610-438-0090 (house) or on my cell 610-462-1204. I'll answer anything.

Hope that this helps!
Liz


PS Sshould have added that I was 327 at my highest and I am down 135 pounds and 2 years out!

I wanted to say hello and welcome to the OH board. It's funny how your story and mine match. I was also 245 at my heaviest when I decided to have this surgery. I have lost upto 70lbs on my own only to gain it all back. My husband was also not supportive of my decision to have this surgery. Like Liz said my husband and I got into some fights and my husband would also not go to any pre-op meetings or come to the doctor's consult. I am a year out and have lost more than 100lbs and my husband now realizes that I am happier than ever and how seriously I took this commitment to be healthy. I understand you fear and anxiety and having this surgery is a very personal decision but I would do it in a heartbeat. It was the right decision for me. I hope you keep us in the loop on whatever decision you make in the end. Just an FYI I also had my consult with Dr Alan Brader and he is one of the best surgeon. Dr Brader was supposed to do my surgery as well before he got transferred to Dr Pupkova who is also excellent  Please PM me if you need to talk about anything or have any questions that I can help answer. I wish you much luck and again Welcome!

Well what you see here is just a small sampling of the love and desire that we have to help you do what's right for you. We've all been scared, we've all cried and now we all celebrate that WLS decision because it was right. It also comes with changes that we now all embrace. There's nothing easy about it nor is it supposed to be. Many of us had major fears about surgery, our family, friends and loved ones also had these fears, but you and them need to be fearful of doing nothing as well. Obesity is a disease and we need more to fight it than those that are "normal". We, the weight-challenged, have struggled with this state and right here most of us have found answers, solutions, and a way to live happily.

I am also a proud member of the Brader Bunch. He is the best, state-wide, country-wide, world-wide, and you are the fortunate one to have him right in town. Use him and you won't regret it. Tell him about your fears, tell him about your husband's fears. He is much more than a skilled surgeon. He is a counselor, a coach, a cheerleader for this patient population. He and his staff is what you need to start. What continues is building a support system of people just like you that have traveled that road you are about to join. It all starts and ends with you, but know that you will never be alone in this journey. We'll be all around you to help you... and you to help us.

Dennis